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French fry purgetory
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I was running late to a dr appt and starving so I swung through the Wendy's drive through. (So glad I rushed to get here as now I wrote this sitting in the waiting room with 15 other people waiting almost an hour ugh). But old habits for hard and I ordered enough food for two people (just for myself). As I mowed down on my spicy chicken sandwich and Jr. bacon cheeseburger, I cowered down low in my car so that no one would see my guilty bingeing as I have done so many times before. I told myself, surgery is a little over a month away so this is one of the last few times I can do this. I told myself, even though I'm binging, try not to drink the giant sprite as your doing do. Then as a gulped the giant sprite a mere menus later, I told myself, ok but tomorrow you really need to start practicing that. And mid bite (really mid shoving a handful of frenchfries down my throat) I had a moment of clarity as I thought to myself "no really, you can't do this once you have surgery. You CAN'T. This will not be a possibility." And it was a feeling of relief that soon, I won't be ABLE to partake in these poor habits, sometimes habits of convince but more often moments of guilty bingeing. And I could almost cry in that moment. I know that this surgery is a tool and my success is based on my will power, good choices and planning ahead. But I also know that I physically won't be able to shove a number 2 extra large value meal into my new sleeve and from what I'm reading I won't WANT to. And THAT is a wonderful feeling.