I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Chrispy, I can definitely see your point. I don't see any

way around this. If he is working this hard now, it would

be hard to be in serious relationship with him.

My husband (deceased) wasn't a work-a -holic, but he never

put me first. He was always hunting, fishing, and doing things

that didn't include the kids or me. Our marriage almost broke

up over this.

Maybe you should just continue to date, but keep your options open.

You deserve to find someone that will put you and your relationship

first and top priority in his life.

Match.com sent me an email that they are running a special for

15.00 for three months. I signed up. There wasn't one single person

when I did a search that I thought was worth sending an email to,

but maybe some new people will sign up since they are running this

special. I'd really like to find someone to do things with, even if it's not

a serious relationship. It just ticks me off though that 99% of the profiles

say they are looking for someone "slender"

Ok I went to my monthly pre-op class and I am sooo dissappointed! I only lost 4 lbs this month. I am down to 387 lbs. I need to lose at least 7 more lbs within 10 days. Otherwise I won't be where I need to be when I have my follow up with my surgeon. I am so stressed out I don't know what to do...Any suggesstions????

Are you eating carbs? I lost 7 lbs the first week I was on Atkins. That is a strictly protein diet. meat, cheese and eggs. Drink a lot of water. Try to eat lower fat meats like ground turkey instead of ground beef. Low fat cheese, like string cheese. . You can also have salad. Walmart has an Italian dressing that is only 10 calories for 2 Tablespoons. you can also have green beans and broccoli .

Personally, that is what I would do. It's better than going on a liquid diet, which some doctors make people go on. If you want to do liquids, make sure you get Atkins or low carb slim fast. You don't want any protein drinks with a lot of carbs.

Are you eating carbs? I lost 7 lbs the first week I was on Atkins. That is a strictly protein diet. meat, cheese and eggs. Drink a lot of water. Try to eat lower fat meats like ground turkey instead of ground beef. Low fat cheese, like string cheese. . You can also have salad. Walmart has an Italian dressing that is only 10 calories for 2 Tablespoons. you can also have green beans and broccoli .

Personally, that is what I would do. It's better than going on a liquid diet, which some doctors make people go on. If you want to do liquids, make sure you get Atkins or low carb slim fast. You don't want any protein drinks with a lot of carbs.

Thanks I think I will go ahead and try the Lower Fat Atkins type. What types of veggies can I have?

Chrispy, I would give this some time. I don't think you should settle, but as I frequently remind a serial dater friend of mine: nobody's perfect. Wait until the busy season is over and see if he can make it up to you. Six months a year maybe be worth the sacrifice if the other six months are amazing.

I've dated a workaholic and I've dated a guy without a real job. I'd take the workaholic any day.

Basically, the veggies that have high carbs are peas carrots and potatoes.

I would bet you can look online and find a web site that has the carb content on different foods. You don't want to go over 20 carbs a day. The less you have, the faster you will lose. Just make sure you drink a lot of water too.

Thanks I will try that. I just need to lose 7-10 lbs in the next week and half. I know it is alot but I think I can do it. I just want to have the surgery and this is what is holding me up. I feel like I am in a catch 22, with this whole lose weight to have the weight loss surgery thing...haha!

April, any light exercise with a low carb diet makes a big difference.

If you exercise first thing in the morning before you eat anything there will be a bigger difference.

I usually will have a bottled water, I put some flavoring in it like crystal light and workout. The reason is that when you sleep you are fasting, by the time you wake up you are already getting your energy from backup fuel or fat, which is the basic principal of low-carb dieting.

If you take in no calories ie water. Then do light exercise even just walking a couple miles for 30-45 mins you should see some quick loss. It also helps to wait 30-45 mins after you finish your morning workout to have that first low-carb meal!!!

I hope this is helpful and Good luck!

JC

April, on the low carb veggies think green, Broccoli, Cabbage, brussel sprouts and it seems when it comes to lettuce the more bitter the fewer the carbs. Stay away from tomatoes as well for now.

JC

Today I was looking for this words! God bless you...

Two comments from me...

First of all...Roxy's friend wasn't so far off...it really was a knifing incident...but in my case it was a knifing and a forking and a spooning that caused those scars...

On the dating question... I am a 47 year old single mom, (divorced for just a little over 10 years now), not quite 5'2" and have been between 75-100# overweight for the past 22+ years (which means I am as wide as I am tall).

I have been in some great relationships with some great men over those years and actually get asked out a lot more than a lot of skinnier women I know. I have been proposed to multiple times -- and by some great men -- but I have opted to remain single until my kids are grown. (Been there, done that with the whole blending of a stepfamily thing and I have decided my kids don't need to be put through that ever again.)

It's not because I am a raving beauty...but because I am confident, fun to be with, have a great smile and I am genuinely nice to people. In fact, one of my skinny friends' husbands told her that I am one of THE sexiest women he has ever met. He told her that five minutes after meeting me, most guys wouldn't even care one bit about my weight. (I was extremely flattered at that one, as you might guess!)

I have had several very slim and physically attractive women ask me what my secret is. I tell them that there IS no secret. You just need to be yourself, be genuine and, above all, be CONFIDENT. (Whoever said 'fake it til you make it' is absolutely right!) I have a co-worker who could be a model -- she is that physically attractive -- but she cannot get a guy to ask her out more than twice before she never hears from him again. Why? Because what she has is only skin deep. What WE have is the real thing.

We fat (and soon-to-be-formerly fat) girls have an HUGE (no pun intended) advantage here, ladies. Use it to your advantage.

Having been the 'fat one' of the group, we always had to make sure that if they weren't going to like what they saw on the outside, they were going to like us for who we were on the inside. We have been the subject of shallow folks' prejudices. We know what it is like and, hopefully, we do not treat others the way that we have been treated by some. We are the folks who are typically in the caring professions or who know the value and importance of volunteering and non-profit work. We are the unselfish ones who have always put others first (sometimes to our detriment) and the ones with the big hearts and the warm smiles.

If you look at a lot of the 'after' pics of folks who have lost a lot of weight, you will see that underneath all that flab that we are losing are some absolutely beautiful people -- on the inside AND -- once we shed those layers of fat -- everyone else will be able to see it, too. How many times have you heard the 'you have such a pretty face' line from well-meaning (but ill-mannered) family and friends? Well...we not only have those pretty faces, we have those awesome fat girl personalities, too!

So...hold your head high, smile, make eye contact, say hello to that stranger, walk with a purpose -- EXUDE CONFIDENCE no matter what you weigh. Even at our heaviest we can still take pride in our appearances. The things that really matter won't cost an extra dime. Curl your hair, throw on a little make up, accessorize a bit, pamper yourself and SMILE! We've got it going on, ladies...don't hide behind your body...embrace it at ANY size! You're worth it. Trust me...confidence is the sexiest attribute there is.

If we're this sexy now...just wait until we are buying things from the regular sized ladies departments...we'll be unstoppable!

Apple-If you are able to swim for 30-45 minutes daily it would help. I did that the two-three weeks before surgery and weight melted off of me then. Now, I need to get back to the pool!!

Im in Houston and can't see you?! lol

Where?! Im in Houston and can't see you!!!

We're here...

I agree confidence is the key even when you need to fake it sometimes... because let's face it we don't always feel great about our selves. This can go for skinny people and the not so skinny people. If your confidnet people see that and they are attracted to a person. I know when I meet confident men or women they are fun to be around.

One thing I do know is this, you seem to do the right things. I take from your posts that you are a very effective communicator, I think a lot of people would have tried to "fix" the issue you are having instead of talking it out. I hope he recognizes and appreciates this strength of yours.

JC

Thanks JC, I really do try to commicate the best I can, probably much to the dismay of the men I date. lol. If I've learned nothing else I've learned that you cannot change anyone. All I can do is tell them what's going on with me, and give them the opportunity to choose to do something about it. If there's a problem and they choose to do nothing towards fixing it, well then goodbye. I'm too old to play games with relationships. And it would be nice to find someone who truly did appreciate me...for anything! lol.