Insensitivity

[Geminidrive 389]

Thank you everyone... After a night of crying I've transitioned to pissed off mode. God help the first person who approaches me today about the surgery. Actually... I've found my strength and will gently but forcefully get my point across. I do have to work with these people. Oh... by the way. We have 14 total employees. There is no HR department... he IS the HR department. And I do understand that people are worried about me. It would be nice if people could just have a little tact.

Good for you! I would love to know his response after you talk to him. Good luck!

[NurseGrace 509]

I've been crying since 5:22pm when I stepped out the door at work...

I just started my pre-op diet Monday. My surgery is 2/12. I work in a small office. We all have lunch at the same time. Today, my boss played a video for everyone to watch about a severely obese disabled man who worked with a trainer and lost all kinds of weight. (trust me... it all leads back to me having this surgery) I thought this was SO insensitive on his part. I got my protien shake together and left the room... holding back the tears. Then tonite a coworker asked me some questions about the surgery. 10min later I heard she and another coworker talking about it. They pulled me into the room they were in and both said... "I don't know about this Tam." Referring to me having the surgery. "This seems much harder than exercising."... At that point I just said.... "ok then..." and left. I couldnt get out of that building fast enough tonite...

I usually think people are way to quick to be insulted, upset, or whatever but honestly, and this is coming from someone in a professional field... I would put in a complaint with HR about harassment. Unless that video your boss showed was otherwise relevant to your job that is uncalled for.

I just saw that you said your boss IS HR... in that case, I would ask for an appointment to see him, formally, and address your concerns with him directly, honestly, and in a professional matter. Unless you have made this surgery everyone's business by talking about it constantly and opening yourself up to this, its WAY out of line for ANYONE to be even discussing your weight related matters in the work place. That is a two way street though, you can't go on and on about it and expect for no one to have an opinion.

[Punkin 21]

I never talk about it. AND I'm pretty thick skinned.

[NurseGrace 509]

I never talk about it. AND I'm pretty thick skinned.

Yeah, in that case I just feel like I support you in for feelings about being harassed (and I usually dont get behind people on this - usually I think these situations are largely self-inflicted)

It's hard to know what to do if the office is so small and HR and the Boss are the same person. Press on, I suppose. Keep you head up, and there isn't anything wrong with telling a person (in a professional way) that your medical procedures, and private choices are not up for discussion in the workplace and any further harassment will be taken seriously and legal action may be considered.

[LMFAO575 112]

Thank you everyone... After a night of crying I've transitioned to pissed off mode. God help the first person who approaches me today about the surgery. Actually... I've found my strength and will gently but forcefully get my point across. I do have to work with these people. Oh... by the way. We have 14 total employees. There is no HR department... he IS the HR department. And I do understand that people are worried about me. It would be nice if people could just have a little tact.

You will do great! Hang your head up high and be strong!

Sent from my iPhone using VST

[leeann71 539]

You need to file a harrassment complaint against him to his boss or the owner. Do not stand for this! It is against the law to be harrassed about race,religion sex and weight and so forth! You got this girl stand up for your rights, no one should humilate you like that! All the people who were there are your witnesses.

[schavez2010 32]

I agree with everyone else. This is mean and inappropriate. I work in a similar sort of environment. (Law office) only problem is, my boss is the owner, he is the attorney. And he runs the show there. He is quite opinionated about his hate for overweight people.

Ironically enough, he used to weigh 400 pounds. He lost most of it with diet and exercise. And now he feels like he can just talk about and ridicule everyone that's isn't 105 pounds. My supervisor (his paralegal, and friend of 11 years) joins him in constantly talking about other people and their appearances.

Luckily, they've never directly said anything to me. But they don't really have to to make me feel uncomfortable. And if I have a problem with it, there is not much I can do. He is the boss, and owner. I'm having Sleeve surgery 3/8. But I refuse to disclose what type of surgery im having to them. If they refuse to give me the time off, I'll just start looking for another job.

Sorry you're going thru this. Sucks having to work for a-hole people. Don't let him get to you. Xoxo!

[leeann71 539]

I would secretly record that person saying those things. I think it's different in every state but you could take it to the Labor Board I think thats what you call it. Forgive me if I am wrong about the name I'm having a brain fart lol.

[.......... 129]

You have witnesses, you can bring that **** to court and win a suite against the company as well. The subject matter is not as important, that stooge showed a film and directed harrassment toward your situation which caused a reaction.

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/harassment.cfm

[busybeingme 112]

Chin up... You can not live your life by rule of others. You are doing this because you want to have a healthier life. The man in that video used a personal trainer as his tool, you are using surgery as your tool... (Your boss is just a tool!)

This is important to you that's what matters... Don't let them spoil your excitement!!

[Punkin 21]

Wow! I love this forum. Thanks for all the supportive responses!

I'm fine now. I have much less respect for him personally. As for the co-workers that approached me... the next moring one of them pulled me aside again and appologized if they had come across negative... "it's only that we're worried about you.". I did make sure to mention how I felt about the (idiot) comment that one of them made that "This sounds harder than exercise!" (with a slightly snarky tone might I add).

The problem with a small office (as many of you know) is that you work closer with everyone and people think they are entitled to be in your business (much like a family). I think for most people, being obese, having to admit to people that you need to have WLS... is a very sensitive subject. One would think intelligent people would understand this and be sensitive to the feelings of others. I guess some people again... just have no tact. That's the way it is! I am excited to keep this momentum going. I'm taking it to the finish. I'm going to hike this summer darn it! (and it won't be with any of them.. so they can suck it!)

On an aside note: I do not like strawberry Unjury. (as I choke it down this morning)

[zoekids 120]

Love your attitude. One thing I would do is journal what he has said / done to you about WLS and your weight. You will never know when you may need to take additional steps. Having a history of his actions will help you if you have to go there.

Mary

[chitowngirl 884]

Wow that sucks. Your coworkers/boss may think they are trying to help, but in all honesty they are just being d*cks. This is the reason I didn't tell anyone at work. Sorry you are going thru this. Remember it is your life your decision, walk with your head up, they don't understand your struggle and have no room to judge you.

[tizv123 23]

I told my boss and she felt a need to share it with e higher ups. Every now and then she say things like "can you eat that" or can you eat all of that and she does it n the front of others. Oh, I'm bout to get with her.... I actually never intended for the higher ups to know. I only told her to ensure that so done at work was aware of me having a medical procedure. Not that I had to. Only a handful of people know BUT I actually HATE that anyone outside of my house knows. I'm proud of my decision.

[mark! 449]

Inform them you've made the right decision, and done all of the research and you're being backed by medical professionals in your decision, you appreciate their concern, but you're comfortable with your decision.

Since there's no HR, the owner is likely pals with the manager, you'll most likely have to file in civil court, with a lawyer, if they don't stop. We face these issues all the time in small businesses with harassment from co workers and such. It takes a lot before a local police department can step in, and we rarely are able to, but once lawyered up, or hell the threat of getting a lawyer (nothing works better than a letter to the upper management requesting a meeting where your lawyer will be present) could very much deter any further harassment and start to set some boundaries in the work place.