Hi~ I will be sleeved March 19 and I was wondering what did you say to your children prior to surgery? I know most of us are nervous wrecks prior to any surgery and one of the biggest worries is *God forbid something happens, what is the last thing I say to my kids...besides I love you? * I've had quite a few surgeries in my past (lapband, plastic surg) and always give them a big loving see you later but now they are older 25 yo (which I got under control she understands). My 12 & 13 yr old daughter don't know I'm having the surgery YET. I really don't want them thinking/worrying about it now since its 2 months away. I just want to them to understand that i need this and not to think I'm selfish. What did you say?? Even as far as God forbid these were your last words? Am I the only nut that worries about this??

I think this is sooooo over-dramatic. Would you do this if you were having your tonsils or wisdom teeth out? Its self-indulgent and I agree with Dean. If you think you are going to die, your kids would think you are extremely selfish for taking that risk and leaving them without a parent.

These letters are for those who have cancer or other life threatening illnesses.

This is where this thread went way wrong. I am not engaging and this is my last word on this: Was this comment really necessary?

Done there.

My daughter was 18 and I tend to go into things with unbridled optimism so we didn't have the "What if I die on the table talk." I probably should have in retrospect. She was in middle school when I had one of my other abdominal surgeries and I only said that I would need her support and help with recovery. Again, in retrospect I should have talked about the what ifs.

I have always been frank about things with her and she does not shy away from very frank discussions. We have had them about other things. She knows how much I love her and we do/did have a plan on where she would go if something happens and she was not under any circumstances going with her estranged father.

I think both a letter and a frank discussion is in order.

On the other side of it, I have a friend that does have Cancer and in my opinion, she has not prepared her younger son enough. It seems as if she doesn't acknowledge that the worst case scenario exists then it won't happen to her.

Egads I bawled my brains out writing the letter! What a sweet thing to do for your child. I'm glad you never needed them! But what a wonderful gift to them if you did. That's touching and powerful all at the same time.

Yes it was upsetting, but necessary I felt. I didn't just discuss my choices for the procedure but some of my thoughts, lessons I've learned in life, etc. it was actually very healing to do for myself. Something I might do anyway, just incase my time comes early. What a gift to

Leave I think;)

You are right, thank you.

You know... I never get tired of hearing that!

You know... I never get tired of hearing that!

LMAO YOU ARE RIGHT! THANK YOU! (I'd embroider it on a pillow if you were near by...though your significant other might one day smother you with it....and that might make me feel bad LOL)

Yes it was upsetting' date=' but necessary I felt. I didn't just discuss my choices for the procedure but some of my thoughts, lessons I've learned in life, etc. it was actually very healing to do for myself. Something I might do anyway, just incase my time comes early. What a gift to

Leave I think;)[/quote']

It would be a great gift wouldn't it. Often we don't "go" on schedule, so being prepared isn't the worst choice to make. Unlike the friend with cancer above, my friend says she does it every year to Celebrate her survival, but also because she thinks if she's prepared it won't happen Murphy's law and all.

My letter was full of things like "Daddy gets preoccupied so remember when you need his attention to maybe touch his leg and ask him nicely so he hears you" and "Don't marry that trollop you've had your eye on since preschool" (OK I didn't say that...but I did think it LOL) Things like what I wanted for him in the future and how proud I am of him and how he's conquered so much so far that I know he can keep up that spirit. Just words that built him up with the thought that he could read that when he needed to get through something I would want to be there for.

Could I do it annually? I don't know. But I'd be pretty impressed with someone who could. I cried just writing that LOL

But fortunately for now I get to stick around until he finds his next trollop....

I'm the OP and wanted to sit back and see the feedback on my question. I do like the "letter" idea. I did this 7 yrs ago when i went to Costa Rica for a body lift alone. I left notes for each of my kids in my night stand. I forgot all about this but I will write some notes...even though I know things will be fine. It really is a good idea. Thank you for the reminder

Mine are 12 and almost-10 now. They were 10 and 8 when I had surgery. We told them the basics - I was getting part of my stomach removed to help me lose weight and that we were going to have some changes in the house. We were all going to eat healthier, etc etc. They asked a few questions, my 8 year old did ask "are you going to die" and I told her that I would not die and that most people that would die from something like this were already very sick and I wasn't sick.

They spent 2 nights with my in-laws, we kept the updated on how things were going. No big deal.

And 19 months later, I'm here... we're all eating better, my son dropped 20 pounds just from our changes and we're all healthier, happier and doing well.