I've been stewing over this for days. I haven't told many people that I'm considering VSG, just 4. My hubby, my mom, and two of my closest friends. Everyone was supportive, understanding, and I felt like it gave me the 'backbone' to do it. One friend told me last week, that she has been lying to me; that she doesn't want me to have WLS, doesn't think I should, that there has to be another way. She is scared for me and afraid I'll get some kind of infection. It's not like I even talk about VSG that much with her. She's watched my daughter for one of my appointments and so I've filled her in on that appointment. She also mentioned tat she's concerned about the diet ill be on before and after. (My doctor requires 2 weeks of just skim milk before surgery.) she's afraid of all of the artificial sweeteners in sugar free Jello and pudding, etc. I'm 100% opposed to them too, but it's a temporary diet!! And again....this isn't really something I've discussed at length with her at all. I'm just so irritated and mad. Don't tell me you're in my corner if you're not!

I just needed to get that off my chest!

All the artificial sweeteners in jello and pudding? You've got to be kidding me!! How about extra fat being carried around, does she have a weight problem? She needs to get a grip, I think she is jealous!

In her defense, she did tell you the truth, even though she took the long way around. Does your doctor have a support group meeting you could take her to? Her objections sound pretty weak, so I have a feeling she wants to support you but needs some help doing so.

The fact that she was able to be honest, even though the method sucks balls, I think shows a lot of character rather than continuing to lie to you.

Chin up!

People just don't understand! I have learned this the hard way too. I think the average person is so uneducated in the arena of bariatric surgery and procedures that they are not able to see how far the surgery has come in years and how advanced the medical protocols are now.

Let's face it: the risk of you doing nothing is far higher than the risk associated with the surgery! If you choose not to have the surgery done you will be staring down numerous medical co-morbidities and serious health related complications.

I don't talk to people much about the surgery and/or how much I eat or pre/post op diets. It just becomes overwhelming to people who don't get it. Also, I feel that those same people tend to be judgemental about it and think this is the easy way out or that you have given up.

Best to keep it to yourself and do what you need to do to lose the weight (cold hard fact). Once you lose all your weight, people will be wondering (oh so interestingly) what you did to get so healthy.

Yes, she is overweight too. The Paleo diet is working for her though and she's really sticking to it. She doesn't need to lose nearly as much as I do though and I don't really think she can understand.

Yes, it's great she was finally honest with me. It still hurt though. I don't know how to help her through it. I haven't been to the support group yet, but that's a really good idea.

Best to keep it to yourself and do what you need to do to lose the weight (cold hard fact). Once you lose all your weight' date=' people will be wondering (oh so interestingly) what you did to get so healthy. [/quote']

Bingo.

I have my own thoughts and fears to work through without having to make sure she's okay about it. I don't mean that as harsh as it sounds. Can't find the right words.

I am sort of in your boat. I haven't told many people I plan to have the surgery. Just my family and 2 of my friends. My best friend was happy for me, realizing that I have done all the research or I wouldn't even be considering this. She knows the struggles with my weight and health I have gone through.

My other friend I'm not as close to but our kids are in a lot of the same activities. We've also done weight watchers together and she has always struggled with weight as well. She weighs more than I do but doesn't have health issues.

Since I've told her, she has made comments like "I just couldn't do that - it's so drastic" and "I've heard that those seminars make it sound weight loss is hopeless without the surgery". Well, she is taking diet pills (who knows what's in them) and if she had a better solution, she would have lost the weight a long time ago. She is a very competitive person, which is why I struggled with telling her in the first place (and why we aren't close friends anymore). I realize that most of her "concern" is not concern for me, but concern that I may be successful at losing the weight and where will that leave her?

I told her because I knew she would find out eventually and I've realized that I don't care about her issues. She can do the research and decide if this is something that is right for her. Or not. I've done my research and feel this is the best choice for me. My family and my BFF are in my corner. I'm not worried about the others who do not have my best interests at heart.

There are 4 of us close college friends in our group. We all have been both above and at our "ideal" (healthy BMI) weights over the years. 2 years ago (wow, time flew) friend A got RnY.

She immediately told her family and then us. I fully supported her as I had been on the fence myself regarding WLS. Friend B was not for or against just really scared (she is our worry'er). Friend C for a really long time made snide comments about how "not healthy, easy, wrong, you must be rich" for her to have WLS.

Friend C simply would rather be big than supportive of WLS. She doesn't know the facts and chooses to stay ignorant of them. Totally her choice.

However, I did tell C that it is hurtful to A to constantly say those things, especially given that A was the only one of us with a co-morbidity (diabetes). C still does not agree with A's choice but at least does not make the snide remarks.

Fast forward to today. I've made the choice and will be telling all of them in 2 days that I too am having surgery. C won't like or agree with it given her assumptions. The thing is...this is 100% MY decision, MY health, MY life, MY family I'm getting healthy for.

I don't care what she or anyone else thinks and I hope Donna you are able to get to a point where you feel the same way.

See I'm very much a direct person, if I were in your shoes I'd tell them thanks for your concern, but it's a done deal baby. The alternative is to continue at my current weight and as a result have many weight related ailments which may potentially cause me to end up in a nursing home. Bottom line you always have to be your own cheerleader and nix what everyone else says or thinks.

I tell people and some people dont really care and are supportive but others are always saying "why? your not that big" ..anyway who cares it doesn't even phase me what people think or say because Im doing it! They don't know how you feel in your own body..im paid in full and surgery is in two days! And i'm going to be lookin good. Good luck and trust yourself you know what's best for you.

I tell people and some people dont really care and are supportive but others are always saying "why? your not that big"

I can't stand hearing that! Being tall I have a few extra inches in height to hide my weight. However, at over 300 lbs. I am that big. I always wonder what it is they are just not seeing.

I'm sorry your friend hurt your feelings...but I guess it is better that you know how she really feels so you can limit your interactions regarding your WLS with her moving forward. You need a real, true support system...hopefully she comes around when she sees how happy you are post-op and how you're on your way to be healthy!

One question though...your doctor only allows you skim milk for 2 weeks pre op. Skim milk ONLY???

One question though...your doctor only allows you skim milk for 2 weeks pre op. Skim milk ONLY???

Lol....yep. And Water of course. Skim milk 3 times a day. At first I thought I misunderstood. But no, it's really just skim milk. Blah!

I will not talk to her about it unless I have to. I know she means well and doesn't understand.