School Bully's

[La_madam 20]

I have always told my 3 boys to be the better person and just walk away, dont let then get to you two wrongs do not make a right. Now a days is does not matter who starts the confrontation all involved get punished for it so standing up for yourself couldresult in troulbe with the school as well. No one bothers my boys becasue they know they will get no where with it.

[winner 0]

My kids are in accelerated programs as well, which may actually be part of the problem. Instead of acknowledging the bully for what he/she is, they treat the situation as if both kids are at fault. With this in mind, I feel that if your kid does his best to avoid a physical fight, and the other kid makes it physical--he has to stand up for himself! Otherwise he just stands there and gets beaten!

Of course, the school staff will probably treat this as 2 kids in a fight, and, punish both. That, I'd fight--in a non physical way, of course.

One example: my daughter was being pushed by a kid on many occasions. She held her hand up in front of the kid that was doing the pushing, without touching her. Yep, both in the office. Treated the same.

Equality isn't always equal!

Good Luck!

[spldgrl 0]

I jsut read your original post and skipped ahead to reply. No, two wrongs dont make a right, however, when a "bully" is not confronted they continue to harrass that child and others. Personal experience, my oldest daughter when in 6th grade, was harassed and cried every day for months we talked to teachers, parents, principal even the child nothing- " he has issues" I was told then one day she came home crying again, I told her to defend herself no one else will- he called her a "pu--y" and she punched him in front of his friends, when the school called I told them I would come pick her up and take her to lunch because she finally stood up for herself and protected herself when the school failed to. The parents wanted me to replace the torn shirt- huh they can pay for counseling when told what their child said (by me in group of educators) they were shocked and embarrassed. an apology followed from the child and he said he would leave her alone. Some parents are blind or dont care and if thats the case principal or teacher calling does nothing. sometimes kids need to take care of themselves. Those kids went to school together until 9th grade and that day in 6th was never a problem again.

second note, at this time, due to school bully, my friends 6th grade daughter is not eating- yep, he said she didn't need to get dressed cute cuz shes too fat anyway- so not eating been to hospital, dr, and refusses to eat- my son now 18 and the "stud" of the high school got involved- he went to school for a week and took this girl to lunch- sat with her friends and acted like her"friend" when the bully wanted to hang out with other kids- Paul told him to be cool and he could- if he wanted to be a jerk- get lost! This kid was so impressed that Tayla knew the flag football coach and popular kid from highschool that he is very nice to her now- but too late, she is already not eating and words cannot be taken back.

Kids are cruel it is a learning experience sure- but my stand is that we are here to protect our kids thats our job- no one loves our kids like we do so Paula, stay involved ask daily how the situation is encourage other parents with problems with this kid to speak up- numbers talk- the educator has to listen and cowboy up to a group of parents faster that one. Does the school have a psychologist on staff? Suggest that route if it happens again.

Good luck- glad those days are gone, youngest graduates this year other issues ahead.

[Paulax 8]

Grrrrr, I am so mad reading this, I haven't even read the other responses.

I would consider this a last straw. I would insist on a meeting with the principal, the boys AND his parents.

I would tell your son to hold his head high and not show fear. Bullys usually pick on people who they don't consider a threat.

Good luck and I'd love to hear this resolved.

In grade 5, my daughter was being bullied by a couple of classmates (girls). It never became physical. I told my dd to hold her head high, and not to put up with any guff, and to tell an adult if she was being threatened. Then I made my presence known at the school and I was sickeningly sweet to those two girls, saying, 'good morning' and the like. They quickly left her alone.

I am proud to say that same daughter now in grade 7, stood up in front of a boy who was bullying another child on the bus and told him to 'lay off'. She says now that he is afraid of her.

I hope your kids feel safe at school. Nothing worst than being made to feel insecure.

Paula, a mom and former grade 7 school teacher, and current bandster....

[paula 4]

Hey Guys - have I told you lately HOW much I love yall?! I do.

Trizzy - youre check list is pretty much the same as here.

Since this was Bully's second time harrassing MY kids, Im feeling pretty angry today - like suspension isnt the solution. Its a holiday for this kid! The principal told me that Bully couldnt give a reason for lashing at Marcus! He had no excuse as to WHY he did it.

My main reason for posting this drama is to find out how America is teaching their kids to react to bully's with physical contact.

Mike is encouraging Marcus to knock the shit out of the boy IF it ever happens again... Dad doesnt want his boy to be a wimp! Although IF Marcus were to strike back, he would be suspended as well.

crazy laws!

[piercedqt78 658]

I know that Magnet schools are more strict with behavior. Is it possible that this kid needs to be in a regular school? If he causes trouble, would a more strict enviroment be what he needs? I know the magnet schools here are more lax because the kids there are usually "better" kids. Maybe this kids doesn't deserve to be in a special school??? ~Mandy

[paula 4]

Mandy - thats the Golden Question.. HOW does this child remain at our school?

Why not send him to a regular public school so he can mingle with kids on his level.

[piercedqt78 658]

That is the question I would be posing to the principal and then school board if I didn't get an answer at the school level. There should be a school handbook that addresses the policy. ~Mandy

[paula 4]

Brenda,

sometimes kids need to take care of themselves. Those kids went to school together until 9th grade and that day in 6th was never a problem again.

Your daughter did more for that kid then any counseling session! I agree, sometimes kids just need to work-it-out themselves.

Im really concerned about your friends daughter not eating. How long has it been since this has been going on? ..and she's just a 6th grader?????? OMG! middle school is such crucial years for girls!

Whats the BIG deal with these young guys having issues over girls with weight problems?

Thats what (our) Bully's problem started with a month ago - calling my 6yr old FAT! Come on, she's 6 yrs old! He called her fat, then said her brother was fat - and went on to call her whole family fat! She was devistated!!! This little turd crushed her and her entire world.

Especially on this forum - I think the majority of us experienced some sort of 'prejudicism' over size... and most of the time, it was the oppostie sex that initiated it!

Why?

Why is size an issue for these boys - at such a young age?

Back to your friends daughter - HER bully's parents need to be contacted.. this could end in some type of failure of health!!!!

[paula 4]

PaulaX,

I would tell your son to hold his head high and not show fear. Bullys usually pick on people who they don't consider a threat.

Great point - and its something I DO need to discuss with him. Thanks for that thought! He and need to talk about the issues you mentioned... although I DID breathe a big sigh of relief when Marcus told me that he wasnt scared of Bully - but he was scared of his principal! He respects authority, which Im happy to hear.

Winner, Equality isn't always equal! how true! Fortunately his principal is fair. Marcus told her that he pushed Bully away... she told him that he did right!!! Thank God! But you are right, too many times BOTH kids are punished which is sad for the victim/student. They are hurt twice, once by the bully and second from the school!

I think thats when I would suggest home-schooling!

[jojo41 0]

Paula......bullying makes me so angry!

I agree suspension is a pathetic way to deal with a bully....it's nothing but a mini holiday for the bully.

When my son was in year 4 he was kicked in the groin and pushed over by a year 5 bully (with a long history of bullying at school). I went straight to the principal and demanded action.

At first they talked about suspension but I was NOT happy with this "solution" so they then decided to have the bully apologise and write a letter to my son....HOW PATHETIC!

A week later the bully attacked another child who has cerebral palsy (banging his head against a wall so hard that the child bit down on his tongue and needed stitches). The mother of the bullying victim demanded the bully be expelled but was told that the bully comes from a "disadvantaged background" and therefore had to be treated carefully so they arranged a meeting with both sets of parents.

In the meeting the bully's parents started carrying on about the school being racist against aboriginals (what a joke.....no one even knew they were aboriginal.....apparently the father's great, great great etc grandfather was aboriginal). The bully's mother started ranting and raving about her son being "disadvantaged".

After listening to this garbage for long enough the victim's mother stood up and yelled "DISADVANTAGED...you think your son is DISADVANTAGED....my son has #UCKING CEREBRAL PALSY, can barely feed himself let alone defend himself....THAT'S DISADVANTAGED!".....then stormed out and that afternoon enrolled her child in another school.

Yet again political correctness gone mad!

[leatha_g 4]

My daughter had a problem later in her school years, but a girl pushed her on the staircase and could have really hurt her bad. The girl even spouted that she was going to 'kill her', so we didn't even mess with the principal, we called the police directly and had them visit her and her parents at their home. That girl never even spoke to MiMi again.

Sometimes you just can't rely on the school system to finish it.

[spldgrl 0]

Paula, today I talked to my friend, Tayla eats under protest as she was in hospital mon & Tues she passed out! thing is she is NOT fat she wears a size 9! I know this because she wears my daughters clothes. My daughter talked to her Tues. and told her in teenager terms that this guy was an ass and that she couldn't be fat unless she thought Stephanie was cuz they are the same. thankfully she did not mention the age difference. i am concerned because Tayla is getting a lot of attention now, I dont want her to think this is a good way to be the center of attention. she is getting counsdeling now that hospital is involved.

When talking to the principal, Amy was also told the kid has home problems! Well, adressthe home problems!! That is a cop out on the school part. I know the family and like your bully, the suspension is a fun day at home alone! He should have school consequences that cause him embarrassment. Its funny to see my kids defend Tayla, they werent so strong for themselves> except for my youngest Stephanie. Sometimes you gotta be the bitch anf she can be! she was called a bitch by some girl in 9th grade, she walked up to her and confronted her, of course girl not so tuff when confronted. Same girl harrassed my oldest that year, all she did was cry so it continued until....

One very cold night, around 3 degrees a group of kids came to sit in hot tub, she arrived with the group, when Stephanie told me who she was, I told her this was Jennifer & Stephanies home and she was not welcome in the hot tub or house, her friends would not leave so she sat in her truck w/ heater on until they were ready to leave! I thought its too cold should let her in the house, but hey she could have gone home no one keeping her here. A few days later she apologized to girls and commented how shocked she was at what a bitch I was, my girls laughed- "you should see her pissed off" not friends ever, but no harrassing.

Again sometimes itis good to be the bitch to protect our kids. not to mention other kids see and stay away too.

Good luck, just remember to do what is right for you and your family we all have stories, but our lives are different too! Good luck! your son knows you love him and that matters most

[CCBSTX 0]

Our school has a strict policy against fighting...so if fighting you both get automatically suspended. However, I told my kids that it's ok to walk away and then it's ok to defend yourself.

Also, given this "problem" has happened before. Tell the school that you are calling the parent(s), and will tell them that you will not tolerate any fighting or bullying on their kids part (tell school and parents this). Also, tell school/school district that you want the kid out of the magnet program. If it happens again, even rumors, that you will get a police and lawyer involved. Document everything. Be proactive with anyone of authority that will listen (principal, asst. super., super., etc). Don't forget the media...if it comes down to protecting your son. No school or parent wants to see their name in the paper.

I've dealt with similiar circumstances. One you rise up, they will listen.

I feel sorry for the bully as well, he needs help and is acting out. However, your main worry is your children.

Good luck.

[Newlife4me 0]

My son (3rd grade) has been involved in two altercations on the bus.

1st... another child was strangling him. Hands around his throat and all. A 4th grader was trying to pull this kid off of my son. I, of course, went to the principal. Ended up that this kids had been being picked on as well and he thought that my son hit him. He did not, but the kid took it out on my son anyway. He was confronted and he admitted what he did and did apologize to my son. He was moved to the front of the bus and we have had no instances since. I even suggested to my son that he should try to be nice to the boy since he feels like no one likes him.

2nd... a child on the bus told my son that he was going to "kick his a$$" and proceeded to kick my son in the back. Left marks on his back and all. IN DEFENSE, my son pushed the kid away from him and this other kids head hit the window and broke it. No one was hurt by the broken window. It was like when a rock hits your window. It did not shatter. Both boys got a bus report. I do not think it was fair but that is the policy.

We have always told our kids that they (1) ask the person to stop, making eye contact. That person has ONE chance to stop. (2) If it continues, our kids are told to defend themselves and we will deal with the consequenses later (school consequenses).

The reason we do this is because we feel that if they continually "walk away from the situation" they will in turn be picked on by more bully's because they know they will not defend themselves. We do stress that they may not start the fight.

I don't agree with what the schools are doing today about getting both kids in trouble. That to me is not teaching a good lesson either.

However, I will not have my child "assulted" by another child and not be able to defend himself. If he follows our "rules" then he will not be in trouble when he gets home!!

Just my opionion!!