Struggling With Guilt

[Jessica9190 127]

I might be the only person that struggles with guilt but I've been thinking about this. I've only just had my first NUT visit sao im just getting started, but I haven't told anyone I'm even considering it except my husband and one really close friend who is also considering it. I've already decided to only tell my mom and dad before surgery (which I'm nervous bout becAuse they'll think I shouldn't. My mom had bypass but she was much heavier than I am). Anyway sorry to ramble but i am nervous about who to tell at work because i have to tell my boss something and after the surgery I am nervous about ppl asking. I would like to say I'm on a very strict dr supervised diet and leave it at that but I will feel guilty like I am lying. Technically it wouldn't be a lie but still deceiving. Anyone struggle with guilt like that or am I being my usual over analytical self?

[chitowngirl 886]

You actually don't have to disclose any medical Information to your boss. I did not tell anyone at work. I dont care how obvious it is or isn't my medical information is none of anyone's concern, especially at work. I did tell my family, but just my husband and one aunt. I'm pretty open about talking about my experience with my family. However I am a private person and do not feel the need to indulge. Just know that if you do tell anyone at work chances are that word will spread one way or another. As a matter of fact for my flma papers my doctor just put abdominal surgery, and for my diagnosis I asked them to put my pcos first and they listed obesity as my secondary diagnosis. Best of luck to you, and remember you can always choose to tell people later, however you cannot untell anyone.

[Savarra 9]

I just told my boss I needed time off. I did say I was having surgery but gave no details. No one asked at work either. If they did I would just be vague and change the subject. It's no one's business unless you want it to be.

[Strangefruit 179]

I had a real problem with guilt when I first started this journey - November 2011 - and now that I finally have a surgery date (October) I have made mental peace with myself.

I think MY guilt (I don't know what yours is) is that I always thought (before I signed up myself for this) was that people that did weight loss surgery took the "easy" way out.. I have been a yo-you dieter for years - my most successful weight loss was 74lbs on Weight Watchers... I have since gained all PLUS some back.

My brother and SIL had lap bands a couple of years ago... and while I congratulated them, I secretly thought it was a cop out. Like, if you just TRY harder, you can lose the weight.

My guilt was SHAME. I had to come around to see this as a tool... a tool to help me to lose the weight I have to lose...but it will still not be easy. The more I was able to wrap my head around that, the better I felt, the less shame - and consequently - the guilt. I hated the fact that Kaiser Permanente made me go through the 6 mos program with the nutritionist and then the 6 mos wait for a surgery date... But now I believe I needed that time to MENTALLY prepare myself for the surgery. I no longer have guilt or shame...just a feeling that my life is about to change for the better and I can't wait.

p.s. I told my boss I was having surgery...not what kind, because it is none of her business. I told close friends and family that I was having the sleeve. All were very supportive. Basically, I figure if it was someone that I would tell I was having a hysterectomy, I would probably share...but my co-workers aren't privvy to that type of info about me, nor should they be...

Good luck...I hope as time passes you too can shake your feelings of guilt!

[TapSnap 357]

It might just be me but I dont hide the fact that I am having surgery from anyone. I told staright out and tell them but if they asked me I would tell them I am having surgery. I have had some people ask me why I am doing it and cant you just do it on your own. But to tell you the truth I havent had to many people like that. Most people I tell tell me good for you glad you are taking control. My whole family knows. All my friends know and most of the people at my wotk know. I dont see it as a issue to let people know. If anything you find out who your real friends are and find out if people really care about you. Its all about your health and its your choice to do it. If other cant get passed you living and doing what is right for you in your own life. Screw them.

[Jessica9190 127]

I had a real problem with guilt when I first started this journey - November 2011 - and now that I finally have a surgery date (October) I have made mental peace with myself.

I think MY guilt (I don't know what yours is) is that I always thought (before I signed up myself for this) was that people that did weight loss surgery took the "easy" way out.. I have been a yo-you dieter for years - my most successful weight loss was 74lbs on Weight Watchers... I have since gained all PLUS some back.

My brother and SIL had lap bands a couple of years ago... and while I congratulated them' date=' I secretly thought it was a cop out. Like, if you just TRY harder, you can lose the weight.

My guilt was SHAME. I had to come around to see this as a tool... a tool to help me to lose the weight I have to lose...but it will still not be easy. The more I was able to wrap my head around that, the better I felt, the less shame - and consequently - the guilt. I hated the fact that Kaiser Permanente made me go through the 6 mos program with the nutritionist and then the 6 mos wait for a surgery date... But now I believe I needed that time to MENTALLY prepare myself for the surgery. I no longer have guilt or shame...just a feeling that my life is about to change for the better and I can't wait.

p.s. I told my boss I was having surgery...not what kind, because it is none of her business. I told close friends and family that I was having the sleeve. All were very supportive. Basically, I figure if it was someone that I would tell I was having a hysterectomy, I would probably share...but my co-workers aren't privvy to that type of info about me, nor should they be...

Good luck...I hope as time passes you too can shake your feelings of guilt![/quote']

This sounds just like me!!!! Can I PM u sometime?

[Strangefruit 179]

This sounds just like me!!!! Can I PM u sometime?

Sure! But I don't know what "PM" is! :-)

[dlinnh 44]

I have a ticket on the "guilt train" too! I don't know what to say to people at work either. I am pretty close with a lot of people at work, and although I trust them, I don't want the preasure of them wondering how much weight I lost this day or that day...I told my boss and she will keep it a secret. as far as why I'm out of work, I'm telling them I am having adominal surgery and they will all think it's female related and then they won't ask questions...so in this instance, it's good to be a woman...lol don't worry it will all work out for all of us one way or the other!

[Jessica9190 127]

Sure! But I don't know what "PM" is! :-)

Private message

[happy1957 138]

I am nearly nine months out and have daily guilt. When I started the process my excitement over powered logic. I should have been more selective about who I told. After the negativity of a few people, I learned quickly to be selective. Now that I'm near goal, I feel guilt everyday.

I work in a very busy medical practice. Every person who has not see me in months, will come right up to me and compliment but the next thing out of their mouth is same question. "How did you do it?" . Again, at first I started to answer with surgery included, but negative comments stopped me in my tracks. I now just say "the usual, calories in and calories out and lots of exercise." This is not a blatant lie, but a lie by omission. I just can't "defend" my decision over and over and have excepted the guilt that goes long with not being 100% honest. Maybe my Catholic upbringing has instilled the guilt?

Good luck

[Jessica9190 127]

It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I remember thinking selfish things when my mom lost so much weight from gastric bypass. She had been 300+ for over 20 years and when she started losing it was like she became a different person than how she was my whole life. I remember one particular time she was losing quite well and I was in one of my gaining times feeling really down on myself and she said to me "ha ha ha I'm nearly to what u weigh". Looking back I know she had just met a goal in her own mind of weighing what I did but in my mind I felt her accomplishment was my failure. I felt horrible that day an Thot to myself " yeah we'll we cant all go spend 20 grand and have surgery some of actually have to work". I know now and even knew then that she was having to work hard. I was just hurt and jealous because as i was getting fatter she was getting slimmer Here I am now the one wanting to have surgery. I only hope she can support me. The last time I was on a losing streak she was clear to let me know how I was not doing the healthy thing by bouncing back n forth all the time. It was like she had lost and become the "thinner" one and she didn't want me taking it from her. I want to stop the jealousy cycle and just be happy for both of us to be healthier and live longer. I just struggle with guilt for thinking wrong before

[Strangefruit 179]

Sure!

[ready4change77 88]

I might be the only person that struggles with guilt but I've been thinking about this. I've only just had my first NUT visit sao im just getting started' date=' but I haven't told anyone I'm even considering it except my husband and one really close friend who is also considering it. I've already decided to only tell my mom and dad before surgery (which I'm nervous bout becAuse they'll think I shouldn't. My mom had bypass but she was much heavier than I am). Anyway sorry to ramble but i am nervous about who to tell at work because i have to tell my boss something and after the surgery I am nervous about ppl asking. I would like to say I'm on a very strict dr supervised diet and leave it at that but I will feel guilty like I am lying. Technically it wouldn't be a lie but still deceiving. Anyone struggle with guilt like that or am I being my usual over analytical self?

[/quote']

You sound so much like me & how I was thru this whole process... I did short term disability & all I did was tell my boss I would be goin on LOA & that was it - I'm not required to give the reason, it's all handled by my insurance company...

I was hesitant to tell anyone, even my parents b/c my mom be'n the health concious person she is ik she would tell me have you really been try'n to lose the weight & etc & then as far as the people @ work I only told a few & one of them went thru all this last year & so I have talked to her thru-out the hold process... I didn't want anyone telling me I shouldn't or try'n to convince me not to or telling me I wasn't that big, well you get the idea... I finally did tell my mom & be'n the great mom she is she totally supported me after I explained the benefits & etc.. All of my friends & my daughter have totally been supportive...

I went thru the steps my insurance required - the paper work was submitted on a Wed & w/ in 24hours I was approved & chose Sept 12th.. I'm 6 days post-op & I'm still glad w/ the decision I made for myself & no one else.. I did have a day I freaked out a lil bit the other day but when I called my Dr office the nurse was so nice & has been thru this whole process & assured me everyone goes thru those crazy moments...

Well sorry I didn't mean to write a book but anyway good luck to you & keep us posted on how it all goes...

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