What Was Your Final "straw That Broke The Camels Back"

[B.B 17]

Oh that awful, powdery and way too sweet (as for me) pre op Meal Replacement diet. Second day (actually the night) was for me the hardest. I woke up at 2 am, feeling hungry, no actually starving, and I knew it was not the time to eat yet and as i looked at the clock I started crying in my bed. Then I thought I could go and get some Water, the glass near me was empty so I went to the fridge to fill it up. Our dispenser is inside the fridge, and as I opened it I saw 2 pieces of pizza - leftovers from the dinner my husband and son had. It was also the pizza I loved, chicken alfredo, and while I was filling up my glass the smell of it overwhelmed me, I reached up for it, actually touched the cheese covered chicken on it, and then I started crying again, thinking I made a decision and I have to stick with it. I put the pizza back and took the glass i held in the other hand, and walked back to my bed. Had some water, tried to fall asleep but couldn't, I still felt hungry and angry and i started crying even more. Now I cried cause I realized i will most likely never be able to enjoy the pizza again. Eventually, with hurting stomach and head full of scary thoughts I must have cried myself to sleep.

Besides that towards the end I had a big craving for crunch, and managed to satisfy it with frozen sugar free popsicle.

I know it may get hard but keep remembering all the reasons why you wanna do it, and try to find the strength to refocus, or if nothing else helps, cry yourself to sleep, it worked for me. Good luck

[JoAnn721 31]

13 minutes ago, B.B said:

Oh that awful, powdery and way too sweet (as for me) pre op Meal Replacement diet. Second day (actually the night) was for me the hardest. I woke up at 2 am, feeling hungry, no actually starving, and I knew it was not the time to eat yet and as i looked at the clock I started crying in my bed. Then I thought I could go and get some Water, the glass near me was empty so I went to the fridge to fill it up. Our dispenser is inside the fridge, and as I opened it I saw 2 pieces of pizza - leftovers from the dinner my husband and son had. It was also the pizza I loved, chicken alfredo, and while I was filling up my glass the smell of it overwhelmed me, I reached up for it, actually touched the cheese covered chicken on it, and then I started crying again, thinking I made a decision and I have to stick with it. I put the pizza back and took the glass i held in the other hand, and walked back to my bed. Had some Water, tried to fall asleep but couldn't, I still felt hungry and angry and i started crying even more. Now I cried cause I realized i will most likely never be able to enjoy the pizza again. Eventually, with hurting stomach and head full of scary thoughts I must have cried myself to sleep.

Besides that towards the end I had a big craving for crunch, and managed to satisfy it with frozen sugar free popsicle.

I know it may get hard but keep remembering all the reasons why you wanna do it, and try to find the strength to refocus, or if nothing else helps, cry yourself to sleep, it worked for me. Good luck

my doctor told me if that happened to just eat a container of yogurt.... I guess everybody is different..

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

2 hours ago, LetsDoThis! said:

I have had it on my mind for YEARS to pursue a surgical intervention, but I kept telling myself I didn't need it. I could do it on my own. (It feels like a failure to need it, you know what I mean...?)

This!

I first thought about it a decade ago ... before it was keyhole surgery, back when the mortality rate was one in 40 or one in 50. (2.5% to 2.0%)

I did some spectacular losses like

A. 149.5kg (329.6lbs) to 112kg (247lbs) in 1997

aka [23.54 stones to 17.64 stones];

B. 172kg (379lbs) to 120.3kg (265lbs) in 2002

aka [27.1 stones to 18.94 stones];

C. 191.8kg (423lbs) to 133.8kg (295lbs) in 2006-7

aka [30.2 stones to 21.07 stones];

176.2kg (388.5lbs) to 130.8kg (288.4lbs) in 2015-6

aka [27.75 stones to 20.6 stones] ...

all ending in that terrible yo-yoing.

On my first trip to my surgeon and dietitian on 17th July this year, I was finally convinced that my food addiction was always able to make me complacent and, inevitably, LAZY about my real problem.

So I weighed in at 174.6kg ... 385 pounds ... 27.5 stones. I did rounds of tests and scans but lost no weight for three to five weeks. I phoned the surgeon on August 25th and told him I needed a date. He set a meeting for Monday September 4th.

In those ten days, I drank THREE to FIVE Protein Shakes per day as well a one 500-750 calorie meal and (some days) a fruit or vegetable smoothie of 85-205 calories.

By last Monday, September 4th, I had dropped 6.9 kg which impressed the surgeon. (I bet I'd have impressed him more if I'd not wasted the first month after the previous visit.

So the mortality rate is now about 0.4% or ONE in 200. I'm ready.

When the doctor, surgeon and dietitian asked what my target (GOAL WEIGHT) was to be I chose 74.6kg FOR TWO REASONS: (a) it's 100kg exactly under this current start weight and, (b) it gives a BMI of just over 24 ... in the ideal zone.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

8 hours ago, JoAnn721 said:

one week from right now surgery will be over.... can not wait... good luck to you...

Thanks for the comment.

Please keep us posted on your post-op progress.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

On 29/05/2017 at 0:16 PM, MomX32017 said:

My number 1 is I can't keep up with my kids

2. back and knee pain

3.cant wear cute clothes

4.i always wanted that little space on both sides,you know the space between butt and arm rest of airplane seat.

1 Can't keep up with my seven grandkids

2. severe knee pain and moderate ankle pain from being twice the mass I need to be for my height

3. can't buy and wear clothes from basic off-the-rack places

4. and, like you, I want to NOT be squeezed into cinema and aeroplane seats (and to give up asking for the extension for the aeroplane seat belt).

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

On 11/05/2017 at 8:25 AM, naturallyzee said:

6. The thought of leaving my daughter without a mother.

I failed to admit it in any other post so far but something like this took hold of me.

SIX MONTHS AGO, my 32 year old son died on his sister's 34th birthday. He was crushed by a four tonne steel beam falling on him at a construction site. He left behind a pregnant widow and a 15 month old boy ... now a widow with a son 21 months and 7 week old daughter.

I suddenly realised that I had no leading adult male left in the family but me. The eldest grandson is only 11.5 years.

Someone has to be there for those important things. I had to step back into another part of my life that I'd tacitly handed over to my daughter and son in 2013-2014.

My son-in-law is a good man but he has "his own side" of the family tree to be in first place with.

My daughter and I are still devastated by the shock and the size of the gap to fill.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

On 25/06/2017 at 7:37 AM, XYZXYZXYZ1955 said:

the one thing that is just not acceptable is KNEE PAIN.

Yep ... severe knee pain is a very bitter bill. Just going up that one step at the front door using a walking stick to steady myself because the pain and cracking of the joint in nigh on unbearable.

[LetsDoThis! 20]

good for you.... It took me to 60 to figure all of that out... first 3 days of pre-op are the hardest... I am on day 8 - one week from right now surgery will be over.... can not wait... good luck to you...

Thank you!! One of the last lessons my granny taught me before she passed (7 years ago) was that I was perfect the way I was. I used to look in the mirror allll the time and say (out loud) "ugh I'm so fat"... I said once in front of her (as she was lying in hospital bed fighting her battle with cancer) and she shared her feelings with me. She was a loving person, but wasn't always super gushy and emotional. So that time it stuck with me. It took me a long time to accept her words, but they did stay in my mind and helped me take the first steps to CONSIDERING I was indeed worthy of love even if I THOUGHT I WAS TOO FAT TO BE LOVED. [emoji5]


- No idea what I'm doing but I'm here!

[LetsDoThis! 20]

I failed to admit it in any other post so far but something like this took hold of me.
SIX MONTHS AGO, my 32 year old son died on his sister's 34th birthday. He was crushed by a four tonne steel beam falling on him at a construction site. He left behind a pregnant widow and a 15 month old boy ... now a widow with a son 21 months and 7 week old daughter.
I suddenly realised that I had no leading adult male left in the family but me. The eldest grandson is only 11.5 years.
Someone has to be there for those important things. I had to step back into another part of my life that I'd tacitly handed over to my daughter and son in 2013-2014.
My son-in-law is a good man but he has "his own side" of the family tree to be in first place with.
My daughter and I are still devastated by the shock and the size of the gap to fill.

You have my DEEPEST sympathies! My step son was killed 10 months ago in a car accident. I don't know if I'm supposed to say died or killed. I really don't. But he was taken from us so I've been saying killed. He was 26. I feel immense guilt about his death because I am able to forget about it for sometimes days - not him, but the sadness and the loss, I mean- whereas I KNOW it's never out of my husband's mind for more than a few moments. I'm proud of your reasoning for doing this and I wish you the BEST period. Your son will always be with you & I know he is proud of you, too.


- No idea what I'm doing but I'm here!

[LetsDoThis! 20]

Oh that awful, powdery and way too sweet (as for me) pre op meal replacement diet. Second day (actually the night) was for me the hardest. I woke up at 2 am, feeling hungry, no actually starving, and I knew it was not the time to eat yet and as i looked at the clock I started crying in my bed. Then I thought I could go and get some Water, the glass near me was empty so I went to the fridge to fill it up. Our dispenser is inside the fridge, and as I opened it I saw 2 pieces of pizza - leftovers from the dinner my husband and son had. It was also the pizza I loved, chicken alfredo, and while I was filling up my glass the smell of it overwhelmed me, I reached up for it, actually touched the cheese covered chicken on it, and then I started crying again, thinking I made a decision and I have to stick with it. I put the pizza back and took the glass i held in the other hand, and walked back to my bed. Had some water, tried to fall asleep but couldn't, I still felt hungry and angry and i started crying even more. Now I cried cause I realized i will most likely never be able to enjoy the pizza again. Eventually, with hurting stomach and head full of scary thoughts I must have cried myself to sleep.
Besides that towards the end I had a big craving for crunch, and managed to satisfy it with frozen sugar free popsicle.
I know it may get hard but keep remembering all the reasons why you wanna do it, and try to find the strength to refocus, or if nothing else helps, cry yourself to sleep, it worked for me. Good luck [emoji4]

If it's any consolation- I was lying in bed at like 5pm yesterday feeling overwhelmed with how hungry I was and having a pity party. I keep thinking "make it to the next shake/pudding cup/cup of broth" because otherwise I'll feel so dejected [emoji87] I am pissed off that food has this hold on me & I'm trying to use this time to focus on things that are positive like Bible study and tackling long neglected chores like cabinet organizing. Fun!

In all seriousness, I am so thankful you shared about your night because I feel like I have found someone who understands!!! My husband is TRYING but if he tells me One. More. Time. how he's not hungry AT ALL (he's doing the same preop diet with me in solidarity, his choice, which I know is sweet) I may snap. [emoji23]

I had to go to Walmart today to get cupcakes for my daughter's birthday (dropping them off at school in a bit). The smell of the fresh baked break like to have KILLED ME. carbs are my crack. But we got this! Here's to making it one more day!!


- No idea what I'm doing but I'm here!

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

1 hour ago, LetsDoThis! said:

If it's any consolation- I was lying in bed at like 5pm yesterday feeling overwhelmed with how hungry I was and having a pity party. I keep thinking "make it to the next shake/pudding cup/cup of broth" because otherwise I'll feel so dejected I am pissed off that food has this hold on me & I'm trying to use this time to focus on things that are positive like Bible study and tackling long neglected chores like cabinet organizing. Fun!

In all seriousness, I am so thankful you shared about your night because I feel like I have found someone who understands!!! My husband is TRYING but if he tells me One. More. Time. how he's not hungry AT ALL (he's doing the same preop diet with me in solidarity, his choice, which I know is sweet) I may snap.

I had to go to Walmart today to get cupcakes for my daughter's birthday (dropping them off at school in a bit). The smell of the fresh baked break like to have KILLED ME. carbs are my crack. But we got this! Here's to making it one more day!!


- No idea what I'm doing but I'm here!

"Carbs are my crack"--Yes! Exactly and precisely! As I sit here with another freaking Protein Shake . . . we can't give up the "crack" completely, but it's never going to own me again . . .

[B.B 17]

21 hours ago, LetsDoThis! said:

In all seriousness, I am so thankful you shared about your night because I feel like I have found someone who understands!!! My husband is TRYING but if he tells me One. More. Time. how he's not hungry AT ALL (he's doing the same preop diet with me in solidarity, his choice, which I know is sweet) I may snap.

I had to go to Walmart today to get cupcakes for my daughter's birthday (dropping them off at school in a bit). The smell of the fresh baked break like to have KILLED ME.

If what I experienced and wrote about helps at least one person, or inspires one, I'm the happiest human in the world! I did forget to mention that after the nighttime incident I talked to my hubby and told him that when they make any food at home and I can smell it, its not helping me stay on track, cause that need inside me to want that i smell seems to be overwhelming. Also seeing leftovers int he fridge is not helping, although in a sense it did help, cause it was like a test of my will and as hard as it was I passed it, but to make the 2 weeks easier on me, my hubby decided he will take our son and go out to eat as often as possible, to make that transition for me easier, and it was a huge help.

I also thought at the start of the 2 week pre-op diet that the last 2 days will be hardest, they were not, with the exception of the one time need for something crunchy. When I arrived at the hospital I only felt a little thirsty, not hungry.

I stopped going to my favorite bakery, too, cause those smells there always caused me to buy more than I intended, and now I don't eat any bread at all My sons b-day is coming soon and I may have to go somewhere, or send my hubby

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

7 hours ago, B.B said:

I stopped going to my favorite bakery, too, cause those smells there always caused me to buy more

This!

In my case, I come from a family who were the bakers to five villages and a large agricultural hinterland. My granddad was a great baker and instilled my lifelong love of bread.

Bread was always one of the big three issues. (The others were Portion Control and self-rewards of Desserts and treats that were NOT warranted.)

[Danny Paul 761]

My reason for the gastric sleeve had to do with my health. I had coronary by pass surgery at a young age, I'm diabetic and have other health issues. I take nine pills and one injection to control my ailments each day. It would be only a matter of a few years when my Liver and Kidneys would fail due the the amount of meds I take. I talked it over with my doctor and he agreed that sleeve surgery would be good for me. He did tell me the bypass had better results but after a coronary bypass I didn't want to be ripped open again. I wasn't that heavy 211 at 5'6". I used tell people that I was just chubby.

That's my reason for having the surgery. I hope that I can get down to 165lbs. The day I left the hospital all four of my diabetes meds were discontinued. This morning, my glucose level was 86. Just last week prior to my surgery it was 210. I'm hoping my cholesterol meds will be next to go.

[allwet 868]

all the external things you guys have mentioned were all there for me and having to ask for the seatbelt extender on the last flight i have taken in years was one of the most humiliating thing i had to do. The thing that finally pushed me over the top was internal and very personal. I was not phased by the diabetes or the high blood pressure the effects were silent and i could block them out but the sleep apnea was reducing my blood oxy level to the low 70% (scared the crap out of my doctor) while i was asleep and i never woke up feeling rested. the cpap was a nightmare i would wake in the middle of the night thinking someone was try to kill me. Slowly i noticed i was losing my memory. I would forget parts of the day before and then older memories became difficult. Nothing scared me more than losing my mind and the sleep apnea was stealing it slowly 1 night at a time. It was at this point that i asked my doctor about surgey and she started the long process (15 months) of getting approval. I had surgery on Aug 1 and i can say without a doubt it was the best decision i have made in the last 10 years. I sleep without waking for 9 hours a night and cant remember when i felt this good in the morning. I have not falling asleep during the day since week 2 and have lost 35 lbs so far and even with another 100 lbs of weight lose in front of me i feel like i have started a new life and i am going to wring all i can from this second chance.

Edited September 13, 2017 by allwet