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I confess today after 17 years I finally asked my dr for a referral to a therapist to work through some major issues from childhood. I recognize that all my effort in trying to be healthier and a good mom is not making those issues go away. I confess that I cannot sleep even though I've taken enough sleeping meds to knock out a cow and here I sit awake, my mind zooming unable to shut

Off today's conversation with him. I confess I feel fake as though I've never really been happy and am hoping this is a step in the right direction, and not another failed attempt. I confess I am confessing this here because I have no one else to tell as I feel as though I've worked hard on shutting everyone else out. That's it or I'm gonna cry.

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Father forgive me for I have sinned.

Confessions;

1. I'm not catholic.

2. After staying on the right path and being miserable craving everything I shouldn't eat I ate a 7/11 hot dog and sweet tea from mcds tonight.

3. I'm addicted to the sugar free apple juice powder at Walmart.< /p>

4. Even though I've lost a little over 100 pounds in the last 5 months I still don't see it. I still don't have a positive self image.

5. I feel often times like I'm flying at 300 miles an hour and I'm just waiting to crash into a wall. This process has been hard and finding my own way has been quite the challenge. I feel like I need a regimented manual to follow sometimes instead of just basic guidelines of eat more Protein. The rebel in me says what's wrong with treating yourself to a cookie or a couple bites of mashed potatoes?

I'm proud of my accomplishments I just wish I had a little more direction.

What's apple juice powder...and what isle do u find it on? Is it near all the other powdered drinks ...like crystal light?

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Yes it's with all the crystal light drinks. It's the Walmart brand. They have all kinds of flavors. This one is like apple juice and to me it doesn't have the crystal light aftertaste. I tried to find a link but can't find it. The packet is for 2 quarts so I use 2 packets in a gallon container. I bought apple, cherry, and strawberry-watermelon. The apple is in a green container.

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I confess today after 17 years I finally asked my dr for a referral to a therapist to work through some major issues from childhood. I recognize that all my effort in trying to be healthier and a good mom is not making those issues go away. I confess that I cannot sleep even though I've taken enough sleeping meds to knock out a cow and here I sit awake' date=' my mind zooming unable to shut

Off today's conversation with him. I confess I feel fake as though I've never really been happy and am hoping this is a step in the right direction, and not another failed attempt. I confess I am confessing this here because I have no one else to tell as I feel as though I've worked hard on shutting everyone else out. That's it or I'm gonna cry.[/quote']

If I could hug you right now I would... I'm so sorry you are struggling... You've made a step towards help and that is so very good. I wish you all the best!!!

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I confess *I get on the scale everyday once or twice!!

I confess *I fear the surgery wont work

I confess *I still eat chocolate here and there

I confess *I wish the weight would just fall off I mean if you just dont eat you should just lose weight but no you have the whole you have to meet your Protein and water!!Blah blah blah

I confess *I wish I would of never told a soul of my surgery to not have to deal with all the how much have you lost questions everday!!!!!

And I cant wait not to be the only fat girl in my crew!!! I hope and pray I get skinner then all my friends who have talked about big people in my face!!! I know its mean but I got a bit of mean in me!

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If I could hug you right now I would... I'm so sorry you are struggling... You've made a step towards help and that is so very good. I wish you all the best!!!

Thank you less of me... That means a lot:)

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I confess today after 17 years I finally asked my dr for a referral to a therapist to work through some major issues from childhood. I recognize that all my effort in trying to be healthier and a good mom is not making those issues go away. I confess that I cannot sleep even though I've taken enough sleeping meds to knock out a cow and here I sit awake' date=' my mind zooming unable to shut

Off today's conversation with him. I confess I feel fake as though I've never really been happy and am hoping this is a step in the right direction, and not another failed attempt. I confess I am confessing this here because I have no one else to tell as I feel as though I've worked hard on shutting everyone else out. That's it or I'm gonna cry.[/quote']

Your on the right path. If your a kind loving person then be kind and loving to yourself. You can overcome this and with help a little at a time things can only improve and get better. Your brave to realise it then take action. You've done the hardest part asking for help. I'm always here if you need to talk in private. Your going to be fine. People do care and I know this is hard but hang in there and give yourself a break. Don't forget I'm here if you need to talk .

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Yes it's with all the crystal light drinks. It's the Walmart brand. They have all kinds of flavors. This one is like apple juice and to me it doesn't have the crystal light aftertaste. I tried to find a link but can't find it. The packet is for 2 quarts so I use 2 packets in a gallon container. I bought apple' date=' cherry, and strawberry-watermelon. The apple is in a green container.

[/quote']

Thanks for sharing!

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cheese and shrimp quesadilla??? Where did you find that? It sounds delish!!!

Mexican food has been a life-saver for my social life. When the family wants to eat out, I suggest Mexican so I can get grilled meat (fajita or shrimp) and Beans. I don't eat the rice but I never used to eat it before on my diabetic diet. I have had a couple of chips but if I eat too many then I know I won't eat anything else. I usually bring 2/3 of the meal home and have it for lunch for the next two days. Favorite so far: cheese and shrimp quesadilla on the kids menu - it was delicious and I could eat almost 1/2 of it!

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  • I confess that this journey is both harder and easier than I thought it would be.
  • I confess that in public situations I finagle things to make it look like I've eaten more than I have.
  • I confess that it makes me sad that I might never be able to consume a large sandwich with big ol' slices of homemade bread again (like I need it).
  • I confess that I occasionally use a straw.
  • I confess that I haven't told anyone about my sleeve and I don't plan on it. I don't need your negativity or opinions.

Your comment that this has been both harder and easier really resonated for me~!

-I confess that I am too caught up in what the scale says every morning, and it put me in a bad mood today.

-I confess that I am having a hard time not eating or drinking something at bedtime, old habits.

-I confess that I have not been successful at giving up a glass of red wine on occasion, and coffee is my friend.

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Bos123 thank you so much for sharing this. This is a journey many of us are on. We may lose our fat costume but we still struggle with the same issues when skinny. We are still psychologically dealing with undealt baggage from our past that lead to our eating disorder. It's fantastic that you recognize this and have decided to start shedding the layers of ourselves to reach a new level in our lives. to be happy with who we are and to be able to trust others is an excellent goal......Great job! :)

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I confess that I only told my husband & my parents I had surgery in Oct

I am 14 lbs away from being under 200 lbs

I have been eatting 4 mini reeses pb cups a day.

I never keep track of my Protein intake.

I constantly worry about stretching my stomach.

It bothers me that my husband can't keep his hands off of me...he has never been so affectionate.

I am worried my weight loss has unleashed the inner b***h that was hidden by fat and silenced by food.< /p>

Lastly I am so thankful that I took a chance even if I didn't loose another pound I would be satisfied with where I am today.

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I confess first and foremost that having this procedure done was hands down, the best decision I've ever made and I could not be happier.

I confess that I have been surprised and overwhelmed by how honest I've been with everyone about having surgery, how much weight I've lost, etc. and equally overwhelmed by how much love and support I've received from everybody.

I confess that it makes me just as sad as it does happy to have to constantly donate all of my beautiful clothes because they no longer fit. I don't mourn food, but I mourn my amazing closet.

I confess that the main reason I wanted to do this was so that I could have babies and I fear every single day that I still won't be able to.

I confess that this has completely changed my relationship with food and that now, I eat because it's necessary and not because I want to eat it. I look forward to the day when eating doesn't feel like a chore.

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Your on the right path. If your a kind loving person then be kind and loving to yourself. You can overcome this and with help a little at a time things can only improve and get better. Your brave to realise it then take action. You've done the hardest part asking for help. I'm always here if you need to talk in private. Your going to be fine. People do care and I know this is hard but hang in there and give yourself a break. Don't forget I'm here if you need to talk .

Thank you so much for your reply. It's like I woke up and realize that I have been doing more damage to myself by "ignoring" things than fixing them. I haven't outgrown these problems like I like to think I have. I think man, what have I done? Thanks for listening and replying:)

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Bos123 thank you so much for sharing this. This is a journey many of us are on. We may lose our fat costume but we still struggle with the same issues when skinny. We are still psychologically dealing with undealt baggage from our past that lead to our eating disorder. It's fantastic that you recognize this and have decided to start shedding the layers of ourselves to reach a new level in our lives. to be happy with who we are and to be able to trust others is an excellent goal......Great job! :)

Thank you for your response! It's nice to feel not alone, odd that the compassion comes from strangers lol but ill take it! I spose Ive done this to myself.

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    • LeighaTR

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    • Doughgurl

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      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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