You Know You Are A Bariatric Surgery Patient When....

[sexyme 24]

That's too funny

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

Since we're admitting our densousity....I don't get the cat shedding thing.

[kamrie37 134]

Since we're admitting our densousity....I don't get the cat shedding thing.

We blame the cat for shedding when it is actually our hair falling out.

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

We blame the cat for shedding when it is actually our hair falling out.

Well I'm not up to that fabulous point...and never will be...so there! :tongue2:

P.S. Quite disturbing that everyone relates. I'm keeping my hair...keeping it I tell you!! (Let the "good luck with that"s begin!)

[Tanisha Nolen Sanyang 37]

I like the one..women r calling u names behi d ur back..thy lie and say I'm sick or lok sick and I'm 180lbs 5'9 in quarter lol

[Piplula 709]

Sorry ..I don't get the wooden spoon either..but I love love love the corduroy comment is hysterical..I used to able spontaneously combust from all the friction!

[StrangelyNormal 182]

Read this and thought I would share.

You know you are a Gastric Surgery Patient When…

ü I have a date" does not mean you're going out.

ü You have baby food in the house and no baby.

ü "I'm a loser" is a good thing.

ü All of your silverware says Gerber.

ü A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.

ü "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.

ü New clothes fall off in a week.

ü You get excited ab

out hand me downs.

ü The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".

ü Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.

ü "Just Water for me please".

ü Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.

ü You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.

ü When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.

ü When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".

ü When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.

ü Other women are calling you names behind your back.

ü When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".

ü When you really don't have a thing to wear.

ü You have to prove you are the person on the driver’s license.

ü You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.

ü You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.

ü You are never parted from a bottle of Water

ü When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.

ü Being too small for your britches.

ü When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up' date=' position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.

ü When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.

ü When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.

ü You truly are a "cheap date".

ü When one drink makes you flipping floozy!

ü When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.

ü You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.

ü Vitamins feel like a meal.

ü You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.

ü You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"

ü You can cross your legs... both of them

ü Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra

ü When your obsession from food turns to your scale.< /p>

ü They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.

ü No more Velcro shoes

ü Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.

ü "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties

ü When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables

ü Your mother says "You don't eat enough"

`ü When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."

ü Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.

ü You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire

ü When you wave and your upper arms wave back

ü You safety pin your underwear

ü Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress

ü Cannot blame the cat for shedding

ü Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card

ü 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase

ü The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did he die???

--Author(s) unknown[/quote']

Love it

[StrangelyNormal 182]

I'm probably wrong but i thought it meant u use the wooden spoon to help u vomit up what gets stuck

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm not sure about the wooden spoon either. I know a lot of super MO folks will use wooden spoons (because they're cheap and can be tossed) to help wipe themselves. Fortunately I could always take care of that without kitchen utensils.

StrangelyNormal - I was wondering about that, too.

Now I'm on a mission.

[Wheetsin 714]

Ok found this on a hospital list for WLS:

Get some type of long wooden spoon or something you can wrap toilet tissue around. If that doesn't work, get a family member to help wipe.

God, get a family member to help?! I'd rather just use the "jet" setting on my shower head, if I had to.

[chandi_d 48]

Love this!!!!

[StrangelyNormal 182]

Yeah but u wouldn't need that after the surgery. Would u? Maybe if u were too large before surgery and all of those posts are about after surgery

[Piplula 709]

Wow! I won't look at my wooden spoons the same! That makes sense if you can't reach around there to wipe!

[StrangelyNormal 182]

Omg... I guess in the hospital.... I could have done without that visual! Lmbo

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm a 2 time WLS patient and I didn't get it. So none of y'all feel bad.

I'm still not getting this whole wipe with a spoon thing. So - you wipe. Then what? Just throw the whole thing away? Or do you actually somehow unwind the paper once it's all poopy? What if you "slip"? Do you use the concave, or convex side? Does a wooden spoon really add that much reach? (Yeah, I'm analytical...)

I have asked my husband to do a lot of unsavory things in the nearly 15 years we've been married, but wiping my butt is not one of them. That could be a deal-breaker in my household!