SUPER PISSED!!! I told my husband in the beginning of my final decision that I DID NOT want his family to know about my weight loss surgery I'm going to have. I feel like I haven't been accepted at my worst, then they don't deserve me at my best. Anyway...we were just talking about the subject again, and I reiterated to him I DID NOT WANT THEM TO KNOW. IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS AND NOT HIS PLACE TO TELL THEM! He already did...two weeks ago! M A DDD!!

To the responders on this thread....don't you think it might be wise to hear both sides of the story before you go suggesting to someone that they get a divorce or leave their spouse?

There is always two sides...........actually there is three.yours, theirs and the reality.....it is sad that people are making fun of this....so not ok....Blah blah you crack me up...really????? Real peoples lives here.....

Do you think you are treating these women better then their husbands have while you mock it and make fun of it?

Marriage is a two way street, and yes it sounds like real jerk moves but I could make my husband sound like a jerk too and he isn't...maybe they are not meant to be, but maybe they are both in the wrong......you are telling a total stranger based on what you have read to leave their man, get a divorce.

I thought this was a support group.....

Do you think you are treating these women better then their husbands have while you mock it and make fun of it?

Yes.

Nobody is mocking these wives-at most, the group is responding to the callous thoughtlessness and disrespect indicated of their husbands.

We are assuming the truth as described. If these stories are inaccurate, then our advice does not apply.

At the very least, it remains absolutely true that no one deserves to be treated as they have said they have been treated.

Sent from my iPad using VST

I haven't heard anyone mocking anyone. Some were just having a little humor. I haven't read anything her telling her that she needs to divorce her spouse. What they have been saying is that if someone isn't treated with respect, then an end result might be a divorce. I for one, recommend marital counseling, but it was stated that the spouse doesn't see he has a problem, and that's it's her issue. I read these posts as support and validation for how the person is feeling at the time. They're all valid. JMHO.

Forgive him for telling and it will free YOU from the stress of being upset or feeling angry at him. My wife agreed not to tell anyone too... and then she just told two of her closest friends, and she was being stopped in the supermarket by their extended family saying "I heard your husband is having surgery." We actually laughed about it when she told me, because she trusted "her closest friends" not-to-tell... and it was a learning experience for her - of how people actually behave when they know a secret. Having this surgery is not like having an STD, don't allow it to be a stigma in your life. Expecting your husband not to say anything to anyone is unreasonable. Turn it into a "positive" not one more thing to fight over... find a way to laugh about it. Tell him it's ok... you've just told your whole family that he's getting a penile implant. Perhaps he'll say "OK - I got the message." I've also found - that the harder I try to keep it from others - the more lies I have to tell & the awkward feelings that creates FOR ME. So I just say it - when I have to, and listen to the positive or negative comments, and move on knowing I'm doing this because I have to FOR ME.

Forgive him for telling and it will free YOU from the stress of being upset or feeling angry at him. My wife agreed not to tell anyone too... and then she just told two of her closest friends' date=' and she was being stopped in the supermarket by their extended family saying "I heard your husband is having surgery." We actually laughed about it when she told me, because she trusted "her closest friends" not-to-tell... and it was a learning experience for her - of how people actually behave when they know a secret. Having this surgery is not like having an STD, don't allow it to be a stigma in your life. Expecting your husband not to say anything to anyone is unreasonable. Turn it into a "positive" not one more thing to fight over... find a way to laugh about it. Tell him it's ok... you've just told your whole family that he's getting a penile implant. Perhaps he'll say "OK - I got the message." I've also found - that the harder I try to keep it from others - the more lies I have to tell & the awkward feelings that creates FOR ME. So I just say it - when I have to, and listen to the positive or negative comments, and move on knowing I'm doing this because I have to FOR ME.[/quote']

I have. I thought I posted. I know it's his own insecurities that caused it and his parents mentioning me. They all think I'm crazy for doing this since, ya know, I can gain my weight back. So tired of people saying that. As if I don't know. We have had out problems since kids. It IS hard. I'm not taking any negative feelings from anyone. I don't think anyone is. But I've moved on and I'm fine. Still scheduled in August and not looking back.

I'm sorry this happening to u but in my opinion , it's gone get worst not from experience but reading and being on this forum .. Many ppl here relation are not up to standards before surgery so after the surgery you found your inner confidence and you gone feel better and look better and want more from him I would try to work on it now before it's to late many ppl on here got divorce after wls

If i were you id walk the other way and blatantly ignore the people in your life with the negativity...block them on facebook...does it really matter in the grand scheme of things what they think or say?....as dumb as they sound...their opinion isnt wirth ****...and **** isnt worth worrying over.

Distance yourself from all naysayers till your a couple months out...surround yourself with supportive people.

You're the wife you hold the power in the relationship... tell him if he wants to see his family he can do so by himself without you. When he gets home do not discuss anything they said...literally pretend tgey dont exist to you.

If he doesnt like it stop doing things like making dinner for him or other things...or go stay with a friend till after surgery..tell him if he really wants you to come back he better learn to appreciate and accept your decisions and be more supportive.

Just remember you are in control of the situation.

Sent from my Kindle Fire using VST.. seopressor plugin

I'm sorry this happening to u but in my opinion ' date=' it's gone get worst not from experience but reading and being on this forum .. Many ppl here relation are not up to standards before surgery so after the surgery you found your inner confidence and you gone feel better and look better and want more from him I would try to work on it now before it's to late many ppl on here got divorce after wls[/quote']

Ive heard that wls patients have very high divorce rates especially if spouse is unsupportive.

Sent from my Kindle Fire using VST.. seopressor plugin

If i were you id walk the other way and blatantly ignore the people in your life with the negativity...block them on facebook...does it really matter in the grand scheme of things what they think or say?....as dumb as they sound...their opinion isnt wirth ****...and **** isnt worth worrying over.

Distance yourself from all naysayers till your a couple months out...surround yourself with supportive people.

You're the wife you hold the power in the relationship... tell him if he wants to see his family he can do so by himself without you. When he gets home do not discuss anything they said...literally pretend tgey dont exist to you.

If he doesnt like it stop doing things like making dinner for him or other things...or go stay with a friend till after surgery..tell him if he really wants you to come back he better learn to appreciate and accept your decisions and be more supportive.

Just remember you are in control of the situation.

Sent from my Kindle Fire using VST.. seopressor plugin

I have deleted all my inlaws from Facebook. I have tried for 20 years to fit in. But I'm not a drinker and partyer so...

I told my husband not to tell my mother being as tho she wants nothing to do with me anyways and how about he did I was PISSED and he dare not to tell his brother he don't want him talking **** oh ur wife had to have weight loss surgery to get skinny blah blah blah my husband want to keep that to himself an when I'm done losing it all he wants to show me off he says It's always a competition and I'm feeli f some type of way

MGM: I'm so glad your having the surgery in August. I really doesn't matter what others say about this surgery. It is a major life transformation for you and you will decide what is in the future for you. It might involve you husband and maybe not. This is not the time to worry about. Take 1 day at a time. His family can stay in their own house and let him deal with them. Best wishes!

I HAD a husband like yours. My current husband supports me 100% and is more tight lipped than me ( i hope) only he and my best friend knows because the rest of my family would never support it. It's up to you, but who needs that kind of negativity and disrespect around when you are trying to make a positive change in your life?

Waiting for my final appointments and approvals.

To the responders on this thread....don't you think it might be wise to hear both sides of the story before you go suggesting to someone that they get a divorce or leave their spouse?

No, any woman that doesn't feel supported should obviously start flirting at work and take up sexting with an old fling.

In re. to WLS leading to a higher divorce rate.. you all think it's because the partner who didn't have surgery changing and not liking a healthier spouse? Hmmm me thinks maybe a lot of the partners who have to WLS suddenly feel like they can do better and/or want a little taste of the grass on the other side.

If you are in an unhealthy marriage, get out. If you are in an unhealthy marriage and have an attitude that once you lose a bunch of weight you will then leave... well...

No' date=' any woman that doesn't feel supported should obviously start flirting at work and take up texting with an old fling.

In re. to WLS leading to a higher divorce rate.. you all think it's because the partner who didn't have surgery changing and not liking a healthier spouse? Hmmm me thinks maybe a lot of the partners who have to WLS suddenly feel like they can do better and/or want a little taste of the grass on the other side.

If you are in an unhealthy marriage, get out. If you are in an unhealthy marriage and have an attitude that once you lose a bunch of weight you will then leave... well...[/quote']

I don't understand your post, other than the sarcastic first line.

As to your second point, surely the higher divorce rate after WLS can be the result of the attitude and behavior of either spouse. I do not think anyone has suggested otherwise.

As to your last point, are you saying that someone in an unhealthy marriage but waiting to lose weight before leaving is doing something wrong, or that he/she shouldn't wait to lose weight if they are leaving anyway?

Sent from my iPad using VST

I told my husband not to tell my mother being as tho she wants nothing to do with me anyways and how about he did I was PISSED and he dare not to tell his brother he don't want him talking **** oh ur wife had to have weight loss surgery to get skinny blah blah blah my husband want to keep that to himself an when I'm done losing it all he wants to show me off he says It's always a competition and I'm feeli f some type of way

Sounds like you live in my family! That's why I didn't want them to know. I haven't seen inlaws since Christmas 2011 and hopefully won't see them until Christmas 2012! And we all live less than 10 miles away!!!