SUPER PISSED!!! I told my husband in the beginning of my final decision that I DID NOT want his family to know about my weight loss surgery I'm going to have. I feel like I haven't been accepted at my worst, then they don't deserve me at my best. Anyway...we were just talking about the subject again, and I reiterated to him I DID NOT WANT THEM TO KNOW. IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS AND NOT HIS PLACE TO TELL THEM! He already did...two weeks ago! M A DDD!!

The Book "The power of a praying wife".....great book!

I will tell you now even after 4 months and 92# loss...My hubby has yet to say one word about my weight loss... However at work I have had 3 marriage proposals and 1 blaten request to go have an affair. Even an old fling has surfaced and would like to rekindle the love and wow is he good at sexting! (lol) Already makes me feel better.

When I first got on this site i wrote a few Blogs to begin the journey...I had one fella tell me ... "The largest fat I needed to lose was my fat head husband"...LOL I do love him but sometimes I don't like him very well.

the other thing someone told me was...DOn't make any vast changes after surgery just let things ride....as our emotions are all wound up with getting our head around our new life style....lol so funny as since I had lost maybe 30# I began to feel better and I began to clean things in and out of the house, I painted the dining room and livingroom, I had waincoting put up now chair rail and I have become more proactive to what my house looks like rather than a pig pen and me the maid.....

He did tell someone that since I had lost some weight I have been working him to death....well it's about time....why do men have to be such jerks... he also grumbled to another family friend that all I feed him is protien and fruit....well now that must be why he goes to grocery and buys $100 worth of snack **** twinkies hohos ding dongs cracker jacks....etc and puts that **** in MY fruit bowl...yes this happened,,,,and a seperate time he was having a conversation with the 12 yr old overweight son....and they got up went to the store bought 40 yes 40 not a typo...candy bars and put them in my lap.....

I did not count my surgery as a secret, I have told anyone who asks...I do have a very supportive base of friends! Everyone EXCLAIMS how great I am looking throughout my jouney....and to be perfectly honest I find this to be supportive and sufficient...I don't need his cocky ass bringing me down, not to say I wouldn't love for him to say wife you are looking great, sexy,.....etc...but for now all the other men ARE looking and they ARE not afraid to verbalize how sexy I am becoming...It's great for the self confidence!

I had an interesting pm yesterday from one of my brother in laws....he has not seen me but heard the other chatter from the oother inlaws...he said "congratulations on you new weight loss program...I am proud of you!" wow coming from a brother in law I have had in the past 20+ years only a handful of conversations with,,,I was happy to get the atta girl...

dont let your dead weight cause your soul or body trauma....you are going to be a sleeve sister and we are many! we will be your anchor in the storm!....you have my info call or text any time...

Jan

The Book "The power of a praying wife".....great book!

I will tell you now even after 4 months and 92# loss...My hubby has yet to say one word about my weight loss... However at work I have had 3 marriage proposals and 1 blaten request to go have an affair. Even an old fling has surfaced and would like to rekindle the love and wow is he good at sexting! (lol) Already makes me feel better.

When I first got on this site i wrote a few Blogs to begin the journey...I had one fella tell me ... "The largest fat I needed to lose was my fat head husband"...LOL I do love him but sometimes I don't like him very well.

the other thing someone told me was...DOn't make any vast changes after surgery just let things ride....as our emotions are all wound up with getting our head around our new life style....lol so funny as since I had lost maybe 30# I began to feel better and I began to clean things in and out of the house' date=' I painted the dining room and livingroom, I had waincoting put up now chair rail and I have become more proactive to what my house looks like rather than a pig pen and me the maid.....

He did tell someone that since I had lost some weight I have been working him to death....well it's about time....why do men have to be such jerks... he also grumbled to another family friend that all I feed him is protien and fruit....well now that must be why he goes to grocery and buys 100 worth of snack **** twinkies hohos ding dongs cracker jacks....etc and puts that **** in MY fruit bowl...yes this happened,,,,and a seperate time he was having a conversation with the 12 yr old overweight son....and they got up went to the store bought 40 yes 40 not a typo...candy bars and put them in my lap.....

I did not count my surgery as a secret, I have told anyone who asks...I do have a very supportive base of friends! Everyone EXCLAIMS how great I am looking throughout my jouney....and to be perfectly honest I find this to be supportive and sufficient...I don't need his cocky ass bringing me down, not to say I wouldn't love for him to say wife you are looking great, sexy,.....etc...but for now all the other men ARE looking and they ARE not afraid to verbalize how sexy I am becoming...It's great for the self confidence!

I had an interesting pm yesterday from one of my brother in laws....he has not seen me but heard the other chatter from the oother inlaws...he said "congratulations on you new weight loss program...I am proud of you!" wow coming from a brother in law I have had in the past 20+ years only a handful of conversations with,,,I was happy to get the atta girl...

dont let your dead weight cause your soul or body trauma....you are going to be a sleeve sister and we are many! we will be your anchor in the storm!....you have my info call or text any time...

Jan[/quote']

Jan,

How do you deal with that? And why?

The things you said he did to you is down right MEAN and emotionally abusive. I'm sorry you have such a jerk for a husband. It makes me really sad when men treat women like this. It's just not right!

I'm so happy you've gotten your sexy back lol

Jan, as I read your post my heart went out to you and I got so angry at that husband of yours. How dare him treat you with such disrespect and teach your son to treat you bad also. I hope you threw the candy bars at him! Have you thought about counseling to help with your emotions and dealing with a volatile husband! If this continues then there is a possibility of regaining weight due to emotional issues. I hope you don't let him sabotage the beautiful "GODDESS" in you from coming out. I know you posted this to help someone else, but your story is really sad also.

He won't go to counseling because theres nothing wrong with him (his words).

If I havent heard those words before!

He won't go to counseling because theres nothing wrong with him (his words).

If I havent heard those words before!

Here's a man chiming in...

I see a couple of issues here: 1. He didn't honor your request and betrayed your trust. He's your husband and should be your safe place, your confidante. 2. He stole your future moment of surprise and awe that we all are looking forward to as a benefit of our choice. Suggestion: have a conversation about who he wants to be for you. Is he your ally, forsaking all others, or is just the person you're married to at the moment? Hmmm.

I love what Note2bear has stated. What a fine man you are! Keep it up! Your a keeper all right!

JLewis.... I have lived and loved this man for 20+ years and I truely wish for another 20 yrs...He is the father of my children and the grandfather of my grandbabies...He is an awesome father and grandfather.... with those few exceptions along lifes way that we all have....But you all are so right he has disrespected me for the last time....I have distanced myself from the meanness and he will have to EAT HIS WORDS when I weigh in 5 lbs under him....He always says you can lose weight on your own you just have no will power...well after 4 kids and using a Norplant birthcontrol which made 100# gain overnight look easy...well...after 2 yrs and 200# I got the dam thing removed...He will see that he should have taken care of this wife in the fashion I want to be taken care of ....because though women as well as men NEED to be WANTED and NEED to be NEEDED....I have had several requests to be wanted and needed by others...so if he has come complacent and would prefer to live like room mates...well he can get a different room mate!

Jan,

How do you deal with that? And why?

The things you said he did to you is down right MEAN and emotionally abusive. I'm sorry you have such a jerk for a husband. It makes me really sad when men treat women like this. It's just not right!

I'm so happy you've gotten your sexy back lol

I love what Note2bear has stated. What a fine man you are! Keep it up! Your a keeper all right!

I agree! Very well said!

JLewis.... I have lived and loved this man for 20+ years and I truely wish for another 20 yrs...He is the father of my children and the grandfather of my grandbabies...He is an awesome father and grandfather.... with those few exceptions along lifes way that we all have....But you all are so right he has disrespected me for the last time....I have distanced myself from the meanness and he will have to EAT HIS WORDS when I weigh in 5 lbs under him....He always says you can lose weight on your own you just have no will power...well after 4 kids and using a Norplant birthcontrol which made 100# gain overnight look easy...well...after 2 yrs and 200# I got the dam thing removed...He will see that he should have taken care of this wife in the fashion I want to be taken care of ....because though women as well as men NEED to be WANTED and NEED to be NEEDED....I have had several requests to be wanted and needed by others...so if he has come complacent and would prefer to live like room mates...well he can get a different room mate!

I find it so sad it's at that point but I'm glad that you aren't letting him get to you to where it messed with your progress. Keep doing what your doing and good luck!

Johnathan

JLewis.... I have lived and loved this man for 20+ years and I truely wish for another 20 yrs...He is the father of my children and the grandfather of my grandbabies...He is an awesome father and grandfather.... with those few exceptions along lifes way that we all have....But you all are so right he has disrespected me for the last time....I have distanced myself from the meanness and he will have to EAT HIS WORDS when I weigh in 5 lbs under him....He always says you can lose weight on your own you just have no will power...well after 4 kids and using a Norplant birthcontrol which made 100# gain overnight look easy...well...after 2 yrs and 200# I got the dam thing removed...He will see that he should have taken care of this wife in the fashion I want to be taken care of ....because though women as well as men NEED to be WANTED and NEED to be NEEDED....I have had several requests to be wanted and needed by others...so if he has come complacent and would prefer to live like room mates...well he can get a different room mate!

I couldn't agree more. I'm working on ME right now, and don't wanna have too much change coming at once, but I couldn't have said it better either. I swear, I think our husbands share a brain and a heart (black)

I haven't had surgery yet. It's scheduled for August 23rd. So no pounds coming off yet. But yes' date=' while I'm changing, either his attitude can or his address can![/quote']

Ok so I am sorry in advance. I am a relationship coach and have been trying to keep quiet but it isnt working...we are all so quick to give him the hard time but and I mean no disrespect when I say all of this.....

It does not just effect us. It effects our spouses too. We say it doesn't and It is all about us but. When you are embarrassed to be naked. The effects of our sex llife and get lazy like me and so many who's weight has gotten out of control it changes the relationship.... Not to mention how many of our attitudes suck when we get fat and unhappy. We get what we give. We get what we allow it is that simple....

Maybe he is scared of the surgery.after all you are still there unhappy and the common response is wait till you're skinny and sexy....what about now? Don't we deserve good now? Or maybe he is unhappy too. He should support but....are you supporting him?

I am in a amazing marriage but when I am off, we are off...

Not trying to butt in, just hate too see 22 years fall into the abyss of we could have tried better.

We have struggled for many years. But he's still my best friend. I know. I am at fault with why he hates me. I have financial debt. And he literally passionately hates me for this. But the reason is because he is so stingie with money, it was the only way over the last several years to deal with raising two sons. He is totally unreasonable when it comes to money. I wasn't always overweight, just the past few years. Yes, our sex life has suffered due to my weight, his attitude, and I believe he has low testosterone (he is 48). Part of me just realized today that he is probably worried (though he would never admit it). I know this, because the last few weeks, he's 'consuderate' in fattening me up?!?! Like, he goes to get his drinks for work and brings me a large bag of chips (and pick them up, they're yours I'm told). Or we are eating out and he wants to order me more food or share his if I'm still hungry (which I'm not). So I think he IS insecure. I want things to get better with him, not worse. I think his family is a negative on our relationship too. Like my parents never voice their opinion, to me or him. His mom has to be involved in everything AND throw in her 2 cents. With our relationship and our kids. They treat me like the 5th wheel, and he never acknowledges their behavior or how I feel. So the money and his family is our main problem. If those two things weren't a factor, things are fine.

We have struggled for many years. But he's still my best friend. I know. I am at fault with why he hates me. I have financial debt. And he literally passionately hates me for this. But the reason is because he is so stingie with money' date=' it was the only way over the last several years to deal with raising two sons. He is totally unreasonable when it comes to money. I wasn't always overweight, just the past few years. Yes, our sex life has suffered due to my weight, his attitude, and I believe he has low testosterone (he is 48). Part of me just realized today that he is probably worried (though he would never admit it). I know this, because the last few weeks, he's 'consuderate' in fattening me up?!?! Like, he goes to get his drinks for work and brings me a large bag of chips (and pick them up, they're yours I'm told). Or we are eating out and he wants to order me more food or share his if I'm still hungry (which I'm not). So I think he IS insecure. I want things to get better with him, not worse. I think his family is a negative on our relationship too. Like my parents never voice their opinion, to me or him. His mom has to be involved in everything AND throw in her 2 cents. With our relationship and our kids. They treat me like the 5th wheel, and he never acknowledges their behavior or how I feel. So the money and his family is our main problem. If those two things weren't a factor, things are fine.[/quote']

Nice job angel.....

Yes he is scared...not only because of surgery. But because of losing you. He fears loss....ie money holding etc.....moms can suck, but it is you he sleeps beside....

Try....

I love you baby, this is gonna be good for us both.................. Or..........just simply wrapping your arms around him and saying.... You, are my best friend.....

22years is worth it honey....be proud, you have lived with someone with different beliefs, and different baggage for 22 years....that is amazing, beautiful, and shows how well you're gonna do.......

You two are gonna be fine......

Hugs...

Thank you for a positive spin on this.