note2bear

Here's a man chiming in...
I see a couple of issues here: 1. He didn't honor your request and betrayed your trust. He's your husband and should be your safe place, your confidante. 2. He stole your future moment of surprise and awe that we all are looking forward to as a benefit of our choice. Suggestion: have a conversation about who he wants to be for you. Is he your ally, forsaking all others, or is just the person you're married to at the moment? Hmmm.

Here's a man chiming in...
I see a couple of issues here: 1. He didn't honor your request and betrayed your trust. He's your husband and should be your safe place, your confidante. 2. He stole your future moment of surprise and awe that we all are looking forward to as a benefit of our choice. Suggestion: have a conversation about who he wants to be for you. Is he your ally, forsaking all others, or is just the person you're married to at the moment? Hmmm.

Here's a man chiming in...
I see a couple of issues here: 1. He didn't honor your request and betrayed your trust. He's your husband and should be your safe place, your confidante. 2. He stole your future moment of surprise and awe that we all are looking forward to as a benefit of our choice. Suggestion: have a conversation about who he wants to be for you. Is he your ally, forsaking all others, or is just the person you're married to at the moment? Hmmm.

Here's a man chiming in...
I see a couple of issues here: 1. He didn't honor your request and betrayed your trust. He's your husband and should be your safe place, your confidante. 2. He stole your future moment of surprise and awe that we all are looking forward to as a benefit of our choice. Suggestion: have a conversation about who he wants to be for you. Is he your ally, forsaking all others, or is just the person you're married to at the moment? Hmmm.

In all honesty, I don't think the surgery itself does anything to relationships. If a relationship ends in light of surgery, there were problems long before that. I think a couple of things happen. I think a lot of people are already in unhealthy relationships, but they stay because they have such low self worth that they think it is the best they can do. After surgery, we start to gain more confidence and feel better about ourselves. In turn, people end of leaving their significant other because they realize they are worth so much more.
In your case, I think your husband is just using it as an excuse. If he truly loved and respected you, he would have been there for you instead of fooling around on you. I agree that counseling is a good route, but staying together just for your daughter's sake is never a good way to go. How often do we hear people saying they stayed together for the children, when, in reality, it was the worst thing for them.
My husband has been nothing but supportive and my biggest cheerleader. He loved me at my heaviest and he loves me now. Best of luck with everything and do some deep soul searching to figure out what is best for everyone, including yourself!

Maybe it's my defense mechanism, but I remember my "fat" moments with humor.
A friend of mine was having a going away party at a restaurant. We were sitting on the patio in those plastic chairs. Her son and I were playing and he was jumping in and out of my arms. Suddenly, the chair colapsed and I was sitting on the floor between the arms of the chair. What's funny? The people nearby doing their best not to laugh. Got it, we broke the chair. Can't change that. Got another chair and kept playing. But, I laughed at them trying not to laugh at me!
Sometimes, people are not being mean, but unintentionally insensitive. Headed toward an elevator that had been waiting. As i stepped on, the time delay buzzer went off, and this short old guy said "you may be a bit too much, big guy!" I WANTED TO SIT ON HIM! But, he was an old fart. I'm sure he had his own issues! Probably just changed his diaper.

Maybe it's my defense mechanism, but I remember my "fat" moments with humor.
A friend of mine was having a going away party at a restaurant. We were sitting on the patio in those plastic chairs. Her son and I were playing and he was jumping in and out of my arms. Suddenly, the chair colapsed and I was sitting on the floor between the arms of the chair. What's funny? The people nearby doing their best not to laugh. Got it, we broke the chair. Can't change that. Got another chair and kept playing. But, I laughed at them trying not to laugh at me!
Sometimes, people are not being mean, but unintentionally insensitive. Headed toward an elevator that had been waiting. As i stepped on, the time delay buzzer went off, and this short old guy said "you may be a bit too much, big guy!" I WANTED TO SIT ON HIM! But, he was an old fart. I'm sure he had his own issues! Probably just changed his diaper.

Here's a man chiming in...
I see a couple of issues here: 1. He didn't honor your request and betrayed your trust. He's your husband and should be your safe place, your confidante. 2. He stole your future moment of surprise and awe that we all are looking forward to as a benefit of our choice. Suggestion: have a conversation about who he wants to be for you. Is he your ally, forsaking all others, or is just the person you're married to at the moment? Hmmm.

Here's a man chiming in...
I see a couple of issues here: 1. He didn't honor your request and betrayed your trust. He's your husband and should be your safe place, your confidante. 2. He stole your future moment of surprise and awe that we all are looking forward to as a benefit of our choice. Suggestion: have a conversation about who he wants to be for you. Is he your ally, forsaking all others, or is just the person you're married to at the moment? Hmmm.

Okay, this is my reality...it's not that bad! I had my surgery on Tuesday, June 19th. According to my mom, the procedure took approximately 55 minutes.
When I woke up, I was a little out of it...slept on and of for a couple of hours. I finally got it together & started eating ice chips. I experienced nausea every time that I got out of bed. It would subside when I would get back into the bed. I didn't walk on the first day (only to the bathroom & back). I didn't have gas pain.
Day two...I started walking. Most of my pain was coming from the nurses poking & prodding. The pain from the incisions began to subside. Sn: Don't be afraid to use the pain pump. I used it as needed...thanks to suggestions made on here. Worst part of the day was drinking that disgusting liquid for the leak test.
Day three...stumbling block. My potassium level was low. They kept me a few extra hours to feed me potassium orally (disrespectful) & through the IV. Although my potassium was still low, the doctor felt like I was fine & discharged me. I was glad to be home...no problems getting around (including walking up & down my steps). However, sleeping in my bed has been rough (yes, it is still uncomfortable). My incisions have healed on the outside (beautifully might I add...get some Mederma), but the inside is a different story. If I were you, I would investigate renting a recliner...advice that I did not heed!!!
Thusday wasn't too bad, but Friday was very challenging. It has been my worst day thus far. I say all of this to say...I have only had one horrible day after major surgery. So, I'll take that. Although everyone is different, I haven't heard too many horror stories, it is so worth a few days of discomfort.
Fyi-Eating is very uncomfortable in the beginning. However, it will get easier each day...literally. You can check out my YouTube videos if you want at Littlebits0604. I'm a nervous wreck so work with me.
I hope that this helps...
Littlebits

I think the biggest bad is worrying about how bad it is. Your biggest asset is a positive attitude. Yeah, you may have to deal with a little discomfort, a little gas, a little nausea, but if you keep your mind on why you're doing it and what you're looking forward to, the rest is consequential. Got my sleeve on the 3rd. No major issues. More discomfort from the hernia repair than the sleeve. I'm already a size smaller in shirt and pants. I teared up when I was able to put on an old favorite shirt again! Losing weight EVERY DAY, and I'll never be this heavy again! Said goodbye to the 380s. In a few days, I'll say goodbye to the 370s. Seems to get better every day.
Continue to read these posts. The people on VST are very candid in explaining what they're going through, and it's been the BEST EDUCATION I've received. Great support here! Welcome to the commmunity!

I think the biggest bad is worrying about how bad it is. Your biggest asset is a positive attitude. Yeah, you may have to deal with a little discomfort, a little gas, a little nausea, but if you keep your mind on why you're doing it and what you're looking forward to, the rest is consequential. Got my sleeve on the 3rd. No major issues. More discomfort from the hernia repair than the sleeve. I'm already a size smaller in shirt and pants. I teared up when I was able to put on an old favorite shirt again! Losing weight EVERY DAY, and I'll never be this heavy again! Said goodbye to the 380s. In a few days, I'll say goodbye to the 370s. Seems to get better every day.
Continue to read these posts. The people on VST are very candid in explaining what they're going through, and it's been the BEST EDUCATION I've received. Great support here! Welcome to the commmunity!

Thanks for all the kind words. My abs hhrry like hell where he cut through the muscle.
Just.did.my.first. 2 laps in a row. Leak test went ok so now had first food. Definitely dont have much of an appetite.
Gas still hurts a bit feel better than yesterday though.
Wishing next week would hurry up and get here. Can't wait to get home and get clearance to go swimming, then I'm really gonna start rocking.

I was on this forum at least 10 times a day my first week. Members became friends and kept me sain knowing what I was feeling was ok both mrntal and physical. I never felt alone and there was always someone that was willing to hold my hand. If youre worried about anything or just need to vent this is the perfect place for it. Hang in there and take it hour by hour. It will get better I promise.

I'm baaaack!
The sleeve surgery went well, but the hernia was narly. Gave me a 6" scar and a 2 night stay! Great staff. Awesome support from the Mrs. I am officially a post-opper! More later.

I've been reading posts on how people are nervous about their upcoming surgeries. Mine is scheduled for July 3rd. Not concerned about the operation at all. Everytime I think about it, my mind goes to the things I'm looking forward to.
I’m looking forward to the roller coasters, airplanes, restaurant booths, bathroom stalls, concert and movie seats, and clothes that I’ll be able to fit into again. The joy of playing basketball, tennis, golf and going long to catch a pass. The confidence in knowing I can sit in a chair – ANY CHAIR – and not worry about whether it can support me. The amusement parks, Water parks, state fairs that I can enjoy ALL DAY. To have the energy to climb a set of stairs, wash my own car, to help a friend move. To buy a shirt on sale from a DEPARTMENT STORE! To look great in a suit. To go to a conference and wear a 2x t-shirt instead of being the only 6x! I’m looking forward to seeing old friends, family, and business associates; the next class reunion! Oh, what joy it will be to spoon, have great sex, and to walk out of the shower feeling desirable. To not hear the inappropriate comments from people who say they love me (I WANT TO SIT ON THEM!); to hear the same comments from strangers! To get into the floor with my grandkids, knowing that I’m going to get in the floor with THEIR kids some day.
My view from the mountain top is so awesome, that the climb is merely a formality!
What are YOU looking forward to?

Ok, I"m headed to the hospitall. The waiting is over. The pre-op diet is over. The shopping for "stuff" is over. What am i looking forward to now? ANESTHESIA! That's right! Get me in there and KNOCK ME OUT! Repair my hernia and slide me the sleeve! I'll deal with everything else when I wake up.
My prayers are with all the doctors, nurses, and anyone else that has anything to do with the hospital visit. I EXPECT YOUR BEST! Also praying for the same for everyone else that has made this powerful decision to reclaim the quality of life that we all deserve.
Be back shortly!

Ok, I"m headed to the hospitall. The waiting is over. The pre-op diet is over. The shopping for "stuff" is over. What am i looking forward to now? ANESTHESIA! That's right! Get me in there and KNOCK ME OUT! Repair my hernia and slide me the sleeve! I'll deal with everything else when I wake up.
My prayers are with all the doctors, nurses, and anyone else that has anything to do with the hospital visit. I EXPECT YOUR BEST! Also praying for the same for everyone else that has made this powerful decision to reclaim the quality of life that we all deserve.
Be back shortly!

Ok, I"m headed to the hospitall. The waiting is over. The pre-op diet is over. The shopping for "stuff" is over. What am i looking forward to now? ANESTHESIA! That's right! Get me in there and KNOCK ME OUT! Repair my hernia and slide me the sleeve! I'll deal with everything else when I wake up.
My prayers are with all the doctors, nurses, and anyone else that has anything to do with the hospital visit. I EXPECT YOUR BEST! Also praying for the same for everyone else that has made this powerful decision to reclaim the quality of life that we all deserve.
Be back shortly!

Ok, I"m headed to the hospitall. The waiting is over. The pre-op diet is over. The shopping for "stuff" is over. What am i looking forward to now? ANESTHESIA! That's right! Get me in there and KNOCK ME OUT! Repair my hernia and slide me the sleeve! I'll deal with everything else when I wake up.
My prayers are with all the doctors, nurses, and anyone else that has anything to do with the hospital visit. I EXPECT YOUR BEST! Also praying for the same for everyone else that has made this powerful decision to reclaim the quality of life that we all deserve.
Be back shortly!

I've been reading posts on how people are nervous about their upcoming surgeries. Mine is scheduled for July 3rd. Not concerned about the operation at all. Everytime I think about it, my mind goes to the things I'm looking forward to.
I’m looking forward to the roller coasters, airplanes, restaurant booths, bathroom stalls, concert and movie seats, and clothes that I’ll be able to fit into again. The joy of playing basketball, tennis, golf and going long to catch a pass. The confidence in knowing I can sit in a chair – ANY CHAIR – and not worry about whether it can support me. The amusement parks, Water parks, state fairs that I can enjoy ALL DAY. To have the energy to climb a set of stairs, wash my own car, to help a friend move. To buy a shirt on sale from a DEPARTMENT STORE! To look great in a suit. To go to a conference and wear a 2x t-shirt instead of being the only 6x! I’m looking forward to seeing old friends, family, and business associates; the next class reunion! Oh, what joy it will be to spoon, have great sex, and to walk out of the shower feeling desirable. To not hear the inappropriate comments from people who say they love me (I WANT TO SIT ON THEM!); to hear the same comments from strangers! To get into the floor with my grandkids, knowing that I’m going to get in the floor with THEIR kids some day.
My view from the mountain top is so awesome, that the climb is merely a formality!
What are YOU looking forward to?

I remember having an overwhelming feeling of sadness at one point during pre-op weight loss when I realized that I would no longer be turning to "my old friend - food" to deal with a stressful day, or when I felt lonely, or when I was celebrating anything....but the feeling was fleeting...we are more adaptable than we think we are and the cravings pass if we let them.
Fast forward....I lost about 30 pounds pre-op just with lowering calories and lots of walking and on 4/6/12 had my surgery. It takes time to get through the different steps of eating post-op but I managed pretty well. After six weeks when I got to regular foods the real work began of figuring out how to live, day in and day out, finding out how to tweak an old fave for the new me, and it works. I craved Mexican food and had my refried Beans with melted cheese, a little sour cream and salsa. I wanted Italian and made the little ricotta bake with meat sauce in the bottom of a ramiken, a dollop of ricotta, more sauce and motzarella and parm on top baked in the oven until hot and bubbly. I have ceviche with some hot sauce, steamed clams, salmon patties....cottage cheese with fruit...a chile relleno mini omelette....
I'm still a foodie and I love to cook and Celebrate....I still do it, just in a healthier way...and the restriction is wonderful, so what if you can only eat a small portion...you feel absolutely FULL.
The best part...I am 70 pounds lighter and so much happier...and still losing....little by little...slowly but surely.

I am most looking forward to:
*Babies
*not being compared to my sisters weight
*Being able to eat in front of my grandma instead of hiding in the kitchen to eat
*going to events at the local convention center and being able to fit in the seats
*actually start living my life

Stay positive, Shannon. I'll meet you at Six Flags in a few months. UNSTOPPABLE!

As a husband, there would be NOTHING my wife could do or say to have me not be there. PERIOD. As a patient, I do have a concern about her well being, that she will eat, that she will get some rest, that she wouldn't spend her time worrying. I'll leave that choice to her, and I'll be ok with her choice. I've actually recommended that she go home late and come back early. The hospital is 15 mins from our house.