So, this sounds like I'm being dishonest, and to some degree, I guess I am. My son and his wife are having a baby just about the same time I'm having the surgery. I'm hoping before, but either way, I don't want them to worry about me. If it comes down to me being MIA for a couple days, I don't want them to know why, or exactly what I am doing. If necessary, can I get away with saying I'm in hospital for something more routine like gallbladder or spleen? Am I being a big jerk? I'm not really up to telling anyone I'm having the surgery, so far only my husband knows. I just don't feel like explaining details to people. Maybe long term I'll be ready to share, but from this point, I just don't want to.

I kinda have mixed views on this one. On the one hand, I understand your reasoning behind it, but on the other . . . well, i know if it were MY mother i would want to know regardless. KWIM? Yes, it is absolutely your business and really you should tell who your comfortable with telling, but please don't sell your kids short. They may get very upset that you didn't say anything. As for me, I've told EVERYONE - but then I'm kind of a loudmouth open book, LOL. Good luck to you!

I am the same, I don't want to tell anyone. It is hard because my mother and best friend are the kind of people that have to know where you are at all times. So I have come up with such tales as to where I am going to be. I am thinking I will tell them in the day or so after the surgery.

I understand why you are not telling them. You don't want to take a single moment away from this joyous occasion. And quite possibly they would be completely supportive, albeit worried. As a Libra, I am no help, I see both sides of this dilemma, so you have to do what feels right for YOU right now. You will be able to hold that little bundle of joy when you are home from surgery. I think they say you can't lift more than 20-25(?) pounds, so you will be safe. (Heaven help your daughter in law if it is more than that!)

LOL!! Heaven help her indeed. I agree that it is about meeting my own needs. Not advocating enough for myself is what got me here to begin with. I should add that her parents are here as welll. I'm guessing I'll say something eventually. They do worry about my health and will be glad ultimately.

My two cents worth is to share this only if you want to and only with those who are going to be supportive.

Those who've said they received nothing but support are lucky indeed. That is not always the case.

A couple of years ago, I tried the Slim Fast Diet. My best friend's response was, "You're on another one of your crazy diets again!". I was very hurt by the condescension and lack of support.

This surgery is too big an undertaking to get more of that.

So you have to evaluate for yourself who to tell and when. There's nothing wrong with the decision to keep it to yourself.

However, you can't just be missing from your grandchild's birth without explanation. You can say you'll be in the hospital for some other reason that sounds acceptable and not so worrisome, like a gallbladder. You can decide in the future if you then want to share your true journey.

Ultimately, the journey is yours and it's up to you when and if to reveal it.