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Feeling Indifferent



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Hey everyone. Prior to my surgery my boyfriend and I have had some trouble. Not big trouble but some. Now that I feel more confident I feel very indifferent. To the point where he has noticed. I don't know of this is a phase or I am just done with our relationship. Has this happened to anyone?

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Hi , you are going thru sooo many emotions right now, your body is going thru some major changes so it is hard to say. Maybe a sit down, heart to heart is needed to find out how you are both feeling, cant hurt to try. Best of luck to you and congrats on your awesome weight loss!

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When I get indifferent with someone, I'm pretty much done. Time for me to move on. Congrats on your success! ;)

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You have been through and are continuing to go through very significant and life-altering situations. It sounds like it's time for you to really take care of you! Try the heart-to-heart. There's a reason you got together in the first place, but don't settle. If it's time to move on, then do it. There do seem to be a lot of posts about relationships here. I bet you can find a ton of support.

Congrats on your weight loss (and your battle with cancer). You look so happy!

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OMG! I am going through that too. Actually, I finally decided to say enough was enough. My boyfriend always seemed to find time for everything but me (especially work). He'd squeeze me in when it was convenient for him. The week of the surgery he took off the week to spend with me. However, after I left the hospital I never saw him. He was "busy" with other things. I finally said that I was not going to put up with it. I need to be important and valued in a relationship, and if post-op he didn't care he never would. He is overweight and said to me that he feared I would dump him after I got all "skinny" so maybe that was the problem. And although I'm only 1 week post-op, I have more confidence just from having the surgery- by taking that step. So, good luck to you, be strong, and I've learned that, for me, indifference means time to let go. Stacie

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Being overweight was keeping my relationship from moving forward for years. Once I decided to have surgery, I felt there may be hope for finally getting married and feeling attractive again. Since surgery, my BF has been more distant than ever. I am starting to think I just need to focus on myself and maybe all that I wanted over the years (to get married to him) may not be what I want after all.

I can tell you the only focus I have is to get this weight off. Who knows how our relationship will turn out but for once it is about ME and what I WANT to happen. It's kind of empowering to have choice when you don't have the extra weight as an excuse for being treated unfairly.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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