Why Doesn't Anyone Say Anything?

[AliveAgain 283]

I've lost 52 pounds and have dropped 4 pant sizes, 2 bra/top sizes. My family can see my weight loss through the webcam, and I absolutely know it's noticeable. I have the measurements from every two weeks that show I've lost over 10 inches in my waist alone, 8 in my hips. So why aren't more people saying something when they see me? I've run into over a dozen people who knew me at my heaviest, they talk to me for 15 minutes or more and don't say a word. I've literally had ONE friend say something to me and he whispered it in my ear, "Am I crazy or have you lost a substantial amount of weight?" To which he high-fived me, but it was odd he didn't want to say it out loud. Yesterday I ran into a recent former co-worker who sat NEXT two me for over a year and has been friends with me for over five -- and he didn't say a thing!!

Am I crazy, or are people ashamed to point it out?

[Aussiegirl 580]

I didnt start getting out loud compliments til I had lost about 60 pounds. I dont know if people didnt notice or if they didnt want to ask. Sometimes people are more afraid to ask out loud if you have lost weight as most often it is a difficult thing to ask soomeone. The whole thing about, are they trying to loose weight? Are they sick? Do you want to acknowledge there was a weight l issue in the first place.

Now at 110 pounds lost everyone is telling me I am looking awesome. Tho the most honest of people say, I look great but still have a way to go (with about another 60pounds) to go. But more people are telling me i look happier and lighter. I have been honest about how I have lost the weight, yes surgery but also ALOT of exercise and pushing myself.

It may take while but it WILL happen, and when it does you will be lucky to go a day when 5 people dont tell you how great you are going.

[Dooter 1,457]

I think most people are too self-involved to notice until it's like.....almost a hundred. There have been a couple people at our church over the years that lost a bunch of weight and I looked one day and thought.."wait a minute...he used to be HUGE! What happened?" Then I'd say something, and they'd be like "ya, I lost 90 pounds!" Well, don't I feel the perfect fool! Sometimes it takes a while for people to snap.

[Kimmie-sleeve 34]

I think sometimes people are afraid to talk about rapid weight loss... Like in case you are ill or something! I do have many people who know about my surgery so I do get compliments quite a bit since they know I lost it on purpose and am not stricken with some disease... Maybe that's it? Congrats on your weight and inches lost!!! You are rockin that sleeve!!!

Kimmie

[BKMama 179]

I think discussing weight is difficult and uncomfortable to talk about. Similar to how it's a huge no no to ask a woman if she's pregnant until she's about to deliver or she volunteers the info. LOL What if they're mistaken and you were trying unsuccessfully to lose weight. Or as someone else said it was due to an illness. Or depending on how it's phrased, it could come out as a back handed compliment.

I'll never forget, an old coworker lost substantial weight and another coworker gushed about it saying how wonderful she looked. Because she was an overall negative person, she got offended and said "my goodness, was I that disgusting before?!". The coworker who gave the compliment was mortified. :-( I'm not saying you'd do that, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about that exchange before I comment on someone's weight loss....and it has stopped me from commenting a few times.

Congratulations on your loss!!

[LukkiDuzIt 6]

i believe that some people don't know how comfortable you are with your weight/weightloss and therefore are "playing it safe"... but you know that your on the right track and are living a lighter happier life, so don't worry so much, bask in your success!

[fluffylibra30 323]

people keep asking me if i have always been this short ahahhhahaha that has me rolling every time. I am 5'3 and i guess since im not as wide people are noticing. The dumb people are anyway. I just say This is how tall ive been since 6th grade. Its funny watching then try to figure out whats different when it is sooo obvious :-D

[thebionicbroad 127]

Some people have limited social skills, some people don't want to get slapped for sexual harassment in today's hyper-PC environment, some people are too self-centered to notice anyone but self, some people don't see you as a particular "weight," and some, like a woman I hadn't seen in awhile, thought I had cancer. Even my boss said something, but he thought that it was a new haircut. People are funny.

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

You know, I usually don't like to comment on someone's weight loss. I am afraid that it will come off as rude. Every once in a while, if it's someone I know well, I will ask. My cousin's wife was sleeved and I had no idea. She had lost a LOT of weight. I had to ask my Mom how she did it. LOL. I didn't want her to be upset if I said something about her weight and make her feel like she was inadequate before. She was always lovely. I don't know her that well at all. Anyway I am just saying that you don't know the circumstances so I am always concerned. I worry they will take it the wrong way like they were "too fat" before. So it's just difficult.

[coppertpp 0]

I was looking at your before weights and current. You are close to my pre op and post weights and I have had the similar reponses. My mom says that once I get down past 200 people will really start to notice.. I hope so! 48 lbs and only my family and a couple close friends really say anything. lol Hang in there!

Amanda

[AliveAgain 283]

Thanks everyone. My husband says the same things, that some people don't want to offend me or may think it's a touchy subject. I have not told anyone about my surgery, so there would be no reason for them to know there should be a change. I have noticed that they do the "up and down" glances at my body and it seems to register on their faces that something is different.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I used to wonder about this, and still do to some extent. My conclusions are that 50 lbs is usually the top-out point for non-op weight loss, you always hear about people saying well I lost 50 lbs on such and such diet. So I figure that one reason why people don't say anything is that they are waiting to see if it "sticks". By the time a person has lost 100 lbs it usually becomes apparent that this is no flash in the pan and this is some legit weight loss and we are clearly committed to our goals, so people feel able to talk about it. Also, I've noticed there is something magical about 200 lbs, regardless of your height. It seems like once you cross over, people are really able to tell, and once you get south of 175, they seem to notice every pound! I saw a guy the other day that I hadn't seen since I was about 210, I'm currently about 167, and for the entire length of our conversation he looked like someone had used a cattle prod on him, just stunned. ;D

[AliveAgain 283]

Quick follow up on this topic... I'm finally getting it! I went to a few social events last week and some friends didn't even recognize me. They'd walk right by or talk to my husband and then realize it was me standing next to him. Most are just very nice with, "You look great! Wow!" without reference to weight loss unless I bring it up. Then one of our best friends came over last weekend and I hadn't seen him since about a month after surgery (weight loss was too little for him to notice then). He went all day without saying anything until I mentioned something about working with a personal trainer. All he said was, "Is that working for you? Are you seeing results?" So I just said, "Um yeah, 55 pounds lost." And he said, "Well I noticed, but didn't want to say anything...." SERIOUSLY!!!

[deltadawn817 106]

some people don't want to say anything because they don't want you to think too much into it. Also it might not be a huge focus to them because they like you for you.

[hadouni 301]

I think people don't really look at heavy people beyond registering someone who isn't physically appealing to them. I've had people flat out not recognize me (people who have always known me heavy) and I've had others tell me I look great. Most people say nothing but the "what's up" look is often there.

I also had a much younger co-worker tell another co-worker/friend that I was looking much "healthier". She and I got a huge laugh out of that because I'm sure he was trying to be complementary without any confusion that he might find me attractive!

Commenting is always hard. I tend to just tell people they look great and if I know someone well I may ask what they're doing to loose but unless I know someone well enough to have a personal conversation with them, I'd probably keep my mouth shut. The workplace is tough because one doesn't want their comment to be taken in any sort of way that could be perceived as inappropriate or insensitive (what if you were ill?). Let people's looks and body language talk for them. The double-takes speak volumes! =)