The Elephant In The Room....

[mrjgetssleeved 30]

Weight discrimination...OK so I'm 6'4 332 BLK Male.....let remove the height and Race cards....I have had many episodes where I know my weight was the the main problem I once was ask to not attend my own settlement meeting because the female attorney was intimidate by my size...that was depressing and heart broking. I once was book for a nice JOB and after the interview the client told my wife that she love my work but wouldn't feel comfortable work with a guy my size. Many will say its my height but I beg to differ. I feel like many of the its the height. And don't even get me start on air planes. I look forward to new journeys. You get what I'm saying?

[Rootman 1,101]

Yep, being a big guy really sucks sometimes. I'm only 6' tall and was really surprised at how intimidated other people were by me when I was 375#. Once people got to know me and what a Teddy Bear I really was they typically were more at ease.

I can't say that I've ever had it thrown in my face so blatantly as you have but it still hurts none the less. Your sig on your message is a little confusing. You are yet to be sleeved? The date for surgery shown is 3/20/12? All I can tell you is that for me with 170+ pounds gone it DOES get better. People tend to be more considerate and just plain ignore me now rather than seemingly purposely avoid me.

One thing that I find MYSELF doing is being judgmental of other fat people. I find myself being grossed out and thinking "Why don't they do something about that?" Then I wake up and remind myself - "Hey BUD, that was YOU not too long ago."

[ShouldBlittler 89]

One thing that I find MYSELF doing is being judgmental of other fat people. I find myself being grossed out and thinking "Why don't they do something about that?" Then I wake up and remind myself - "Hey BUD, that was YOU not too long ago."

Totally interesting... Anyone else find themselves doing this?

[mrjgetssleeved 30]

Yep, being a big guy really sucks sometimes. I'm only 6' tall and was really surprised at how intimidated other people were by me when I was 375#. Once people got to know me and what a Teddy Bear I really was they typically were more at ease.

I can't say that I've ever had it thrown in my face so blatantly as you have but it still hurts none the less. Your sig on your message is a little confusing. You are yet to be sleeved? The date for surgery shown is 3/20/12? All I can tell you is that for me with 170+ pounds gone it DOES get better. People tend to be more considerate and just plain ignore me now rather than seemingly purposely avoid me.

One thing that I find MYSELF doing is being judgmental of other fat people. I find myself being grossed out and thinking "Why don't they do something about that?" Then I wake up and remind myself - "Hey BUD, that was YOU not too long ago."

Sorry about the Title...No I'm not Sleeved yet my Date is March 20th ...People also warm up to me...when they get to know me...I guess those are the people that really matter...when I think about it.

[favoredone 590]

Yep, weight discrimination is horrible and very prevalent!!! I've had horrible experiences with Southwest Airlines... The plane was basically empty and this guy reported me as a customer of size and tried to get them to make me buy a second seat.. Now, I fit in the seats, arm rest down, EVERYTHING, but just because I am obese, he made an ASSumption that I would encroach on the next "invisible" passenger...

I was so angry!!! So, I understand how you feel....

[Shemy-away 83]

Totally interesting... Anyone else find themselves doing this?

I found myself doing this even before I was sleeved and overweight myself. I'm not proud of it. I think its part of our psyche that projects our own disappointments and shortcomings on others so that we don't have to deal with our own problem or to make ourselves feel better. But I'm no psych major

[favoredone 590]

I don't really look at other obese people in judgement... I want to go over and tell them about the sleeve though...

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Maybe because I am still obese, but I can't realy relate to judging other heavy people. I appreciate somebody admitting it, because I notice alot of posts that sort of brush by the issue but certainly imply "disgust" with people who are still obese.

I personally feel that we can be our own worst enemies. I wonder if some of the self loathing that many obese people have get shifted to others as they lose their weight? i don't know if that is the case or not, but I find that MOST thin people accept obese people and I hope once I am "formerly fat" that I don't become judgemental. (You know, how ex-smokers are often pretty obnoxious about smoking, for example)

As to the original post, I kinda think that the experience for women (5'5" in my case) being overweight doesn't equate to people being intimidated. I think it more equates more to being ignored/and considered very unattractive. For women, looks is a big part of our identity in this culture, and at least in my corner of the world, being thin is critical to those "looks", so being so outside the range of normal kinda takes away some of your participation in being considered a "woman". I am not really finding the right words, but I feel that obesity sometimes makes women appear as invisible, non-sexual beings to the outside world.

I say all that, but I also believe that the obese person contributes to this by behaving in a low confidence/ I am trying to be invisible way. I am a naturally outgoing person, and as I get thinner I notice myself engaging in a lot more pleasantries with complete strangers, but i think that is mostly because MY attitude is changing, I am feeling better physically and just feel more comfortable in my own skin. I was not embarrased to be seen when I was 300+ pounds, but I was physically uncomfortable and felt like an overstuffed sausage kinda thing and I am sure that uncomfortableness was visibible. That attitude shift shows up to the outside world, and i think people respond to that unconscious message.

Totally interesting... Anyone else find themselves doing this?

[Rootman 1,101]

...Sorry about the Title...

I just reread my reply to your post and just to make sure I am clear I was NOT offended by the title. It's a great and perfectly fitting description of the feeling.

One funny anecdote that I have is my brothers in-laws. Years ago when he married, they were all thin to only moderately chubby folks and all of US were pretty fat. My brother was perhaps the thinest but the other 3 siblings and parents were obese. I would occasionally catch snippets of rude remarks they would make about us, remarks about how fat we all were and couldn't do the things that they could do, like athletics and going on carnival rides, etc. They weren't overtly rude or condescending but they were a little thoughtless at times.

Well now some 20 year later 3 of them are obese and the husband has really been packing on the pounds too. He now has the big "guy" gut and he's headed down the same road all of US were decades ago. This last Christmas I was the smallest male in the house! Even my 13 year old nephew (my bro's son) outweighed me. I had to fight hard and resist the urge to get in a couple of digs. Even they made some comments about how they miss doing the things they did in the past. No amusement rides and 18 holes of golf makes the hubby pretty winded. Of course we're now ALL on the far side of middle age and THEY are having a REAL tough time, health and other issues, where as I am for the first time in my adult life able to do dang near anything I want to.

It's been tough but little things like this really make it worth it

[Amanda131 214]

Totally interesting... Anyone else find themselves doing this?

Yes. More so, I get annoyed when other's obesity effects me even though I used to BE that person. For example, I was in NYC with overweight colleagues who wanted to take a cab everywhere even if the walk was a few blocks. I'm annoyed when those same colleagues insist the office thermostat be set at 65 because they're too hot. I was annoyed when they snored ALL NIGHT LONG in our hotel... It was a suite and I still couldn't sleep. Then, they'd gave me a hard time because I woke up early to run. It was VERY odd to be on the other side and seeing obesity from this perspective.

[thinoneday 445]

I have lost a total of 150 lbs and because I am 6'0 tall, very large boned, and a woman I am still discriminated against. I've even been asked if I have giantism (now that is painful) I don't have any features which point to giantism, I am beautiful only large boned. In the beginning it was my weight (360lbs before surgery) combined with my height that scared folks. . . now i'm slimmer (size 14/16) but still tall. . . I can't do anything about that though. . .but it still hurts. . . totally understand. . . my mom used to tell me "oh honey, remember what you let out, the shorter ones have to take in". . .my mom has some good ones! hahahah. . .

[sweetness2005 18]

I have to admit i too am one of those that look at others and say " please lord dont let me get that big" I would not say that i am so judgemental as i am sad.. I know what it is like and how hard it is to fight for the smaller you. I know that not every one can get this done and that saddens me even more. I just wish that every ones medical would cover this and then that would give every one a chance to be healthy.

[piper 13]

"I say all that, but I also believe that the obese person contributes to this by behaving in a low confidence/ I am trying to be invisible way. I am a naturally outgoing person, and as I get thinner I notice myself engaging in a lot more pleasantries with complete strangers, but i think that is mostly because MY attitude is changing, I am feeling better physically and just feel more comfortable in my own skin. I was not embarrased to be seen when I was 300+ pounds, but I was physically uncomfortable and felt like an overstuffed sausage kinda thing and I am sure that uncomfortableness was visibible. That attitude shift shows up to the outside world, and i think people respond to that unconscious message"

I don't know how to properly use a quote so I just copied and pasted. Anyhow, this observation about the confluence of factors that lead to an obese person being perceived as (and perhaps feeling) less capable rings so true to me. I myself have "tried to be invisible" at social occasions, mashed up against a wall, trying to blend in with the wallpaper. I have felt marginalized for years and can't imagine feeling anything but empathy toward a fellow obese person, even if I lost the weight. (I have not had surgery, I had an endoscopy today). So unfortunate to feel this vulnerable to social bigotry towards the overweight.

[Amanda131 214]

Mr. J-

I feel for you. My Husband is your same height and weight. He is in a field where looking intimidating is to his advantage though. I often have new friends think he is mean because he is so big... my favorite is when someone assumed he tends towards physical violence due to his size. He is constantly having to work to make others realize he is friendly. It's a difficult place to be.

[favoredone 590]

I'm a very social person.. I have always been.... so, I don't know about trying to be invisible in a group setting..That may stem from me being a performer as well... The thing I was most self-conscious about was being in one-on-one situations where the focus is one me as a person, not as an artist, educator or intellectual, etc... If I'm doing something for someone else or performing in whatever capacity, I'm the social butterfly.. .but when asked to engage in intimate conversation/interaction strictly about me... I wanted a hole to swallow me up.. WHOLELY!!!