It is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I had my sleeve surgery. I was sleeved on February 23, 2011. I was convinced that I would be the one to die during surgery or to fail after having it done. The night before, I wrote myself a letter to open on the 1 year anniversary, in the event that I survived the procedure. I put off opening that letter for a couple weeks because I knew how emotional I would feel reading it. I just opened it today, and I thought I would share it with everyone. Here is a letter to myself written 2/22/11:

Krista- If you are reading this, then you made it through surgery & the first year. Hopefully, you are healthier & happier. I just want to remind you of all the reasons you did the surgery & hopefully none of them apply any more. Today, my hope for the future is:

1. To no longer fearful of being humiliated every time I go in public by someone pointing, laughing, or saying something horrible to me.

2. To no longer afraid that a child I am working with will ask me why I'm so fat, which has happened several times since I became a librarian.

3. To not be afraid I'll break a chair when I sit.

4. To not dread restaurant booths because I can only fit in about half of them.

5. To be able to climb stairs without getting winded.

6. To not dread flying; fearing the seat belt won't fit or having the person seated next to me roll their eyes & sigh when they see me.

7. To be able to wear shorts without embarrassment.

8. To not be embarrassed to have someone hug me or touch me, knowing they are feeling all my fat.

9. To be able to swim & enjoy the Water.

10. To go on a date and really be able to believe that someone could like or love me.

I feel like this list could go on forever. I only hope that if I am reading this letter, my life has improved & I'm not regretting having had this surgery. I hope I am really able to love myself and the anger I feel towards the world & how it treats me is gone.

Krista

I'm happy to say that all the hopes for my future have more or less come true. There are a few things I am still working on. I'm still about 20 pounds from my final goal, which I take full responsibility for. I have been slacking the past month & need to get back on track. I still don't like wearing shorts or swimming suits, but that is largely because of the loose skin & am dealing with & not because I feel fat. I feel like my life has improved so much from the time that I wrote that letter. It is better than I could have hoped for. Don't get me wrong, it is still not perfect & I still deal with low self-esteem and other issues. But I'm no longer miserable just because I exist. I don't hate how I look or hate having people look at me. I don't avoid photos or going out with friends. I feel like I am finally living a normal life & I am happy with that. I hope all of you can or will soon be able to say the same.

I couldn't figure out how to attach before & after pictures, so here is the link to my album: http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/gallery/album/1509-krista-before-1-year-pictures/

Krista

thank you for sharing your letter. very moving.

i was so focused on getting to 'the day' (to have surgery), i did not take before pics, not even when i got to the hospital did it cross my mind to do it. i have not taken monthly change pics, did not take any measurements... i have nothing to show my progress other than the new me i see in the mirror. now i am wishing i had done these things...

thank you again for sharing

dee

What an inspiration you are and you look amazing! Congratulations on your success and thanks for sharing your story and photos.

You look lovely, and the letter idea was such a good idea! Congratulations on so much success.

Oh wow, what a great idea! I wish I had thought of that!

Congrats on your progress!