Soft drinks

tangerine · May 18, 2004

Donali, I'll be right over. What movie do you want to go see? Or doesn't it matter? lol

donali · May 18, 2004

Movie???

Oh.... yeah.... lol I was just gonna have the popcorn & jr. mints... totally spaced the whole movie part...

Don't they have some sort of place that uses popcorn w/extra butter mixed w/jr. mints as a filler? You know, like those kids rooms filled with those little plastic balls?

That's what I want for Christmas...

DeLarla · May 18, 2004

I'm glad I'm not the only popcorn nut. I actually go to the movies just for the popcorn. I've seen some pretty lousy movies because I'll go to the theater without checking movies or times - when I get a hankerin' for movie popcorn, I just go to the closest theater and see whatever's playing. I hope my band grows to love me and doesn't reject my body. I can't wait to order my first "small." I'm not even sure that word has the capability of rolling off my tongue.

donali · May 18, 2004

I can't wait to order my first "small."

I think this is still the hardest part for me, 16 months post surgery. Particularly when I'm hungry.

Now that I can't eat the volume I used to, it is painfully clear that I chose my portions based on how hungry I felt - add that to the "clean your plate" mentality, and it's no wonder I overate so much!

These days, when I let myself get very hungry, I still initially think "super-size it!!!!", but I am much better at stopping when I am full, and either tossing the rest or saving it for another meal.

Also, no matter how hungry I get, there are still some things that I wouldn't even try to eat because I know how uncomfortable it would be, and what a struggle it would be to get it down (subsandwiches, big juicy burgers w/bun, a whole loaf of still warm French bread with garlic/butter, stuff like that), so that's been a really good thing...:sick

tangerine · May 19, 2004

I have a hard time with the initial portion size myself. Ordering a small anything is awfully though, even now, and like Donali said, especially when I'm hungry. I just posted this in my blog the other day, might help you understand some of the feelings you'll go through:

I've come to realize that even when I *think* I'm eating a lot, I'm really not. Last night we went to the diner after work and I was dying for a hot open faced roast beef sandwich. Of course, it comes with salad, potato and a vegetable. I was starving, but wound up eating the cucumbers off of the salad, a few green Beans, about 1/4c of the mashed potatoes and three small bites of the sandwich. I was completely satisfied and happy, feeling like I ate like a pig. I really didn't. Being able to have a taste of everything makes me feel like I'm eating the same way I did before surgery, just a lot less. I think it's a mental thing...I'm not depriving myself of anything on the plate, but the difference is that I only need a taste of it now, as opposed to eating every last bit of everything they brought me.

I love to share food now too. I never shared food in the past, coming close to growling if someone tried to take some of my food. Now I offer my food to everyone in my vicinity. If people at adjacent tables wouldn't think I was nuts, I'd offer it to them too. I still struggle though. I miss the binging days sometimes. If someone wants to split a sandwich with me, I get panicky, thinking that a half of a half of a sandwich isn't going to be enough for me to eat. I'll wind up pulling the insides out of that tiny bit of sandwich, eating most of them and eating a bite of the bread that it came on and being completely full. I *know* that I won't be able to eat the whole thing myself, and that I can barely eat half of it, but my brain says I need to eat the whole thing. I want to eat the whole thing, but can't. Once I eat my piece of it, I'm fine, I usually won't try to eat the whole thing, but it's before that gets me. I *need* to have that whole sandwich in front of me, so I can leave it behind. Or give it away of my own volition. But if I start out with just a piece of it, my brain doesn't think I'll be satisfied, even though I always am in the end.

I really don't know if I'm making sense, or if I even have a point to make here. I'm just kinda rambling. It's really quite freeing to pick at my food, to push it around on my plate, to give most of it away. I'm not afraid to eat in front of people anymore. I'm still fat, but I don't feel like people are looking at me while I eat and thinking, "holy shit, lookit the fat girl go!" Most likely, if they're thinking anything of me at all, they're thinking, "jeez, she's a strange eater"..lol But the point is, it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm proud when I eat three bites and push it away. I feel like the skinny girl. I feel that food isn't so important anymore. And it really isn't, even though I've just dedicated a whole post to it.

donali · May 19, 2004

OMG!!! That is SOOOO me to a "T", Alexis! I know exactly what you are saying.

Prior to banding, one of my greatest fears was going to one of those Chinese restaurants that serve the meals "family" style - where no matter what you order, they bring it out on a platter and everyone you are with expects YOUR platter to be passed around for them to help themselves. My, I can still feel that initial panic just describing those old days.... MY FOOOD!!!! MY FOOODDDD!!!! MINE MINEMINEMINE!!!"

Now I'm like you much of the time - I want EVERYONE to share with me! Except on those occasions when I fear there won't be enough... I can feel that growling dog guarding my food raising its ugly head again. But that doesn't happen very often anymore, and usually only at the beginning. As soon as I've backed off some of that hunger, I'm like "FEED THE WORLD!!!" LOL

I've told my boyfriend a million times now how much I LOVE sharing food with him. His appetite is very often small, and I adore splitting a meal with him, particularly when we eat off the same plate. There's just something so... nurturing about it, I guess, and also the bliss of knowing there is enough, and of course being in love...

I just had dinner with one of my dearest friends, a naturally thin as a rail person, and now we always split an entre, and it just tastes and feels soooo good! There was enough left over today for one more person eating our portion size to have split with us. We just tossed it in the trash.

Sometimes I feel so free!!!!

Kiera · May 19, 2004

I want to warn you about drinking too much of really really cold drinks all at once. I was drinking frozen margaritas and I got brain freeze - but not in my head - it was right where my collar bones meet and I thought I was going to pass out. Oh MAN was that COLD! I could hardly breathe in it hurt so bad!!! It passed in 30-45 seconds but those were the longest 30-45 seconds of my life, LOL!

So just pace yourself with really cold stuff and save yourself the funny looks that *I* got. hehehe.

DeLarla · May 19, 2004

Donali & Tangerine, the "fat" part of our brains are all from the same mold. I'm extremly serious about "protecting my food." I didn't realize anyone else felt like this. I know how/when/where my problem started, so I thought I was the only one constantly Police-ing my food. My mother is clinically insane. She should never have had children - bygones. But when we were little (me, bro & sis) she'd never keep edible food in the house, so we'd steal money from her or eat at friends'. Once a month she'd buy a half gallon ice cream. We 3 would stand in a circle like a pack of starving wolves as my mother used a knife to cut through the ice cream, container and all, to make sure she got exactly 1/4 portions. Then she'd slap it on a plate, cardboard and all, and we'd all scamper to separate corners with our ice cream.

As far as wasting food, I was raised as "death to those who waste food." We'd get beaten at 3:00 a.m. if my mom found a half a bean in the trash. Gee, thanks for really f**cking me up, Mom.

Today is 2 weeks postop, and I know I'm going to have to let go of a lot of mental baggage. I don't only police my own portions, but I've constantly got my eye on other people's plates. If someone takes a big portion, then doesn't finish their plate, I get really flipping pissed off. I catch myself staring at people in restaurants who just pick at their food then throw the rest away.

Thank God for you guys.

DeLarla · May 19, 2004

Kiera,

I had that same awful problem with a marguerita before my surgery! I have a hiatal hernia (maybe that's why) but it was the most horrible, painful minute of my life!

Speaking of my hernia, Dr. Lopez said I no longer have it. I didn't understand his explanation, but I think the band went above the hernia and pushed it down? Can anyone explain?

Bright · May 19, 2004

Donali, Tangerine,

oh my god, I am rolling on the floor laughing here - and not in a good way - in a "I'm nearly crying cos that's so me too" kinda way! I have had huge rows with my husband over the years as he always wanted to do the chinese set meal thing, where everyone shares - and he did the same at movies - getting one popcorn to share, because he wasn't that hungry - I would be freaking out, almost stamping my feet, saying like a three year old - I WANT MY OWN! He used to just wide eyed, slowly hand me the popcorn like I was completely insane (which i kinda was...) It got to the point where I would order food I know my friends didn't like just so no one would want any of mine!

And it is still hard to ignore the screams for food - i still order way too much - (and eating out is really expensive here in Dublin) and my hubby goes mad when I eat 20% of what I ordered and sheepishly say "em... I'm full.... " I was genuinely terrified of BEING hungry - I ate in advance in case I'd GET hungry - how messed up is that!

.............but I'm all cured now....right???

Bright · May 19, 2004

speaking of movies, have you all seen Troy? Oh yum. Yum Yum Yum. So many pretty boys - you americans sure do breed 'em well over there.....

donali · May 19, 2004

Pre-band, one time my DBF and I were at KFC (a European one) and they didn't have just a regular meal with biscuit, mashed potatoes, 3 pieces of white meat, coleslaw... I don't remember what all I thought should be in there, but they didn't have it grouped that way. So I ordered it all seperate, and it came out to be like $10... It was like I just kept ordering food, and he just looked at me... I felt really guilty, then, 'cause he was paying, but geeezzzz! I just wanted my FULL meal!!!

lol