I have been posting lately about how terrible I am doing and this post is nothing different. I need to vent. I just dont undertsand why I cant seem to get my head in the game? At first it was "ok" that I felt this need to eat my emotions, but now, it's not because I know I have stretched my sleeve. I had not been hungry in MONTHS and now, I am hungry all the time. I used to eat a few chips and feel full. A few bites of ice cream, felt full. I was thanking God that even though I wanted to over eat, I just COUL NOT do it. Now, I am feeling little to NO restriction, I feel like I can eat a whole hamburger. I havent tried yet because I know that if I am actually able to, I will just give up on everything. I keep telling myself that I didnt go through all of this for nothing. I did it for a reason, and I have so muich more to go...but I continue to binge. I graze. I eat steadily ALL day. There is always something in my mouth. I drink soda, I drink beer, I eat ice cream, I eat chips, I dont work out as much as I should. WHY am I doing this?!!?

I know you all dont have the answers, and Im not really feeling sorry for myself, it's my own fault and I know that, I gained 3 pounds. What the eff is wrong with me?!?!

I just need to vent.

I dont know what it is going to take for me to get back on track. I look at my before pics and even those dont motivate me. Im seriously depressed, and I think I have just lost all of my motivation. I just dont care anymore...

Thank you all so much. Your responses made me laugh, made me cry, and made me feel good inside to know that I am not alone. I have been sitting here evaluating myself. My life. My goals, dreams, hopes...I have so many. I have always tried to rush things in my life. I rush. Thats me. Right now Im about to take a huge leap into paramedic school without having real experience as an EMT. I have realized that I live my life mostly for others. I want so badly for my Parents to be proud of me. I want my Brother and my Sister's to be proud to have me as their Sister. I thought this going into surgery too. I wanted my parents to be proud to introduce me to people...I wanted to be pretty. My Parents called me beautiful every single day of my life. They still do. My Dad introduced me to his friends and after the hand shake he put his arm around me and said "Isnt she beautiful?" His friends agreed but I was like...yeah, right. I'm 300 pounds of shame and hideousness! Now, it's nothing different. I want to succeed. I want them to all be amazed at my change...

The person I can never please though...is ME. I'll never be proud of me at this rate. I am seriously looking into therapy. I have no insurance anymore so I'm looking into low cost centers that have students looking to get experience. I did this before when my one and only relationship ended and honestly I loved the therapist I saw. She was amazing.

Sorry for another rant but I think Im slowly starting to see that IIIII am by biggest obsticle. I am my biggest critic. If I continue to hate myself - I'll continue to sabotage myself.

God help me

You are setting up a cycle of self hate. Hate because you are fat, hate because you have binged. You have NOT stretched your sleeve you will throw up before you do this. Listen a 3lb gain doesn't mean you actually gained that weight. Every month I gain between 3-5 and then lose it again. BUT I will not lose as much of it if I make poor food choices. How do I keep from making poor food choices?

Don't buy it if I can't control myself with it. I say, "But my kids or my husband haven't had surgery, they deserve X" the fact is they will become obese like me if I continue to do this.

CUT OUT HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP! This "sugar" doesn't signal to your brain that you have eaten anything at all so you continue to eat more and more of it.

If you want a sweet or chips or a beer have some but not everyday and only have them when you go out.

STOP the self hate. Look how far you have come! You are eating 1 whole hamburger OMG (drama) how much would you have eaten preop?

MustangAli.. I think you are great.. if you were my neighbor I would drop by with a freakin' crystal light and cheers you! lol

The only thing I can add to the excellent advice above is this: We sleeved our stomachs, not our heads. Doing the sleeve work on our heads is just as important as the surgery we went through, but it's WAY harder, IMO.

At my psyche appt, the counselor told me that I have an addictive personality and I will always be addicted to something. She went so far as to tell me that I WILL become an alcoholic, but she still gave me the approval for surgery! I started seeing a counselor several weeks ago, for the addictive behavior and some other issues related to my weight. WLS is not her area of specialty, but she's helping me see where and why I mistreat myself. Once I know those things, and it takes time to learn, then I can remove the bad stuff.

I agree with removing the temtation foods from the house if you can't bring yourself to use moderation with them. Maybe, once you're back on track, you can learn how to work those things into your diet in a healthy way. For me, knowing that I can have sweets or chocolate later makes it easier to give them up now.

Good luck on your journey! You've done great so far, so this is just a bump in the road for you. You will succeed!!!

If I had a counselor like that, I would change counselors.....STAT !!

STOP the self hate. Look how far you have come! You are eating 1 whole hamburger OMG (drama) how much would you have eaten preop?

Great advice. It's all about perspective. Would you be 100 lbs less today without the hard work and time you invested pre and post surgery? That's an amazing accomplishment. You gained 3 lbs, but you don't have to gain anymore. You can change things around

I eat crap more often than I should for sure, and it slides on down pretty easy. What I do to keep things in control is write everything down. I do count calories. The other thing that works is eat protein first... I promise my "fat me" that she can have the cookie after the protein. The the cookie turns out to be just one and not a stack. Just no room for a stack after protein. I also buy high protein snacks on line... chips, and cereal and protein bars... when I want something crunchy or sweet or snacky, I reach for those most of the time. It gets me through the rough patches... and yes, I do work on my self too... and try to stay conscious while all this is going on... not unconscious... which leads to eating piles of crap and getting too full without really enjoying the food in the first place! This is a huge chance to grow and become the new you!

i dobut you have stretched your sleeve. it looks like what you are eating are all slider foods and that could be your problem. if you are eating maily sliders, you wont feel restriction with them and can eat and eat and eat all day.

try following the "rules" of the sleeve and eating dense protein at each meal FIRST and then some veggies and then fruit if you have room. I bet money, that you will feel restriction.

follow the rules and you will be just fine!!

Kelly

Shannon, Believe me, I'm NOT seeing the psyche doc who did my pre-surgery consult. I'm seeing someone who is closer to home and who does not have an agenda that says "All fat people are depressed". I think that's like saying "All skinny people are happy"; it's just not true.

Until I developed health problems, I was pretty much okay with how big I was. I was losing weight on Atkins and working on my physical health with exercise, but I still ate way too much. I lost 50 pounds last year before I got pneumonia in May of this year. All of the drugs slapped that 50 pounds back on me in NO TIME.

The crazy psyche doc is the "group leader" for the WLS group I attend. I'd skip the meetings, but there isn't one (that I know of) closer and the other members of the group are amazing!

HUGS! This surgery does NOT fix our heads. I have found that if I eat protein, it really helps with the hunger and cravings. Protein is what gives you restriction. I have to watch myself around popcorn and peanut butter. Those are trigger foods for me. If I want popcorn when my family and I are watching a movie, I only allow myself to have a 100 calorie bag. Over Halloween, I ate one Reese's and wow did the head hunger get the best of me. I am still fighting off cravings! I had all the candy hidden from me so I couldn't have it. I am so proud of you for losing 100 pounds. You are a success! Luckily, we have each other to get us through the rough parts of the journey. We love you girlie!

Everyone has said so many great things, I really don't have much to add.

I don't think you are motivated because you are stuck in a bad cycle. Eat something bad, feel crappy, get down on yourself, eat something bad again, etc.. That's how I usually end up getting at times and that's what you might be doing.

You have done so well. You most likely have not stretched your sleeve any more than any other person at your stage in weight loss with a sleevie. I think you should stop "thinking" so much. Stop thinking you have completely destroyed your little belly. You haven't! You have just gotten into a bad eating pattern that you need to break out of. We all do it, don't be so down on yourself.

Get back on track, you can do it!

Good Luck, I am here if you want to vent or rant or whatever just PM me. Everyone else on here, well I'm sure you already know, they are great and awesome too. :biggrin2:

You can do this I know you can. If you didn't believe in yourself you would have never gotten the surgery in the firstplace. (((((hugs)))))

Again, thank you all so much. its nice to hear such great things. and i know you're all right. i can do this. i need to break the cycle.

Mustang Ali,

I have just one question for you- just something for you to consider. Like most of us, we have battled weight most if not all of our lives. Do you think that maybe you are afraid of the natural changes that come with major weight loss? I don't know if you are married or seeing anyone, but I know myself that I tend to be more critical or suspicious of people when I get more attention whether its friends or boyfriends, etc, and it's hard to not feel like that "fat girl" who was always treated differently because their weight made other people uncomfortable. The logical part of my brain was like, "how stupid for me to feel that way", but the truth was, it takes some people a longggg time to get to know the "new" person they have become- not just physically but mentally.

As I was reading your posts, I just wondering if deep down you were reaching a point where you were starting to see the shedding of the "old you" and bringing out the "new you" and what that would mean. As you know, most of us use food to "protect" us.

I have a friend who is seriously overweight. She wasn't heavy all her life, but in the last 15 years or so she has gotten heavier every year. She lost her husband about 7 years ago and she says she doesn't want to remarry which is fine, but I can tell that she fears loosing weight because it may cause men to notice her and this is one way of keeping up that barrier.

I may be way off base, if so I apologize. I just know I have gone through something similar in the past and thought I'd throw it out there for thought.

You have summed up my fears for post-op life! I hope to have surgery in early 2012 and I'm TERRIFIED that I won't be able to conquer the head-hunger.

When I first talked to my PCP about WLS he wanted me to try anti-anxiety meds (welbutrin) before surgery. For the first three months or so it really helped, even on a really low dose. I didn't want to up the doses and I think my body adapted to it and old behavior over-wrote the effectiveness of the drug.

If you are in a larger urban area, you might check out overeaters anonymous. Someone above mentioned 12 step programs too. I spent a decent amount of time in OA when I lived in Los Angeles and it was helpful for me to have a network of people who I saw regularly who had the same issues I had. The meetings I attended were always very welcoming to newcomers and I attended for a long time without getting a sponsor. I treated it sort-of like group therapy. Local meetings lists can usually be found on the web and different meeting groups have different vibes so it might be useful to check out more than one if the fist one isn't a good match.

Thank you for being so honest about your struggles. I can totally appreciate your pain and live it every day.