Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like...night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.

15. OK . . . so what's the speed of dark?

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

LOL i love those!! thank you

Are those from Jack Handy (SNL)?

You shouldn't put a dog on space shuttle because if it puts its head out the window, its face might freeze off.

I think some are from Stephen Wright, aren't they?

EVER WONDER ..

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

aaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha those are good. a lot of ones i haven't heardbefore.

fireman, love ya man, but get ridof that burn-out-my-retinas blue. lol

EVER WONDER ..

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

I don't open my mouth while I'm putting on mascara.

EVER WONDER ..

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

I'm sure I would have loved these if I could have read them!

Seriously, if you want to read them but can't, left click your mouse and drag to the end. It makes it possible to enjoy the humor without the help of Superman's x-ray vision.

Seriously bad font color.

Donna, thanks for the advise. I thought I was going blind!!!!

Terry

Sorry folks, my compewter edumacation is a littel b-low average!!!!!

These are great for a good laugh....thanks!!

Like the red fonts much better than the aqua. :biggrin1: