I was just reading the thread about what everyone does for a living and it got me thinking about something a psychologist said to me once. I was seeking help because to the world I was a highly intelligent, driven person. Degreed, in management, highly orgainized, independent thinker, motivated, go-getter, yada, yada, yada. But at home I couldn't get it together.. My house was a mess, I was a closet smoker, couldn't stick to a diet, didn't pay my bills on time, never did routine maintenance on my house, car or body, etc. I would go home from work and litteraly be disgusted at myself for how I lived at home but procrastinated about doing anything to improve things and then hated myself for procrastinating. It was like I had a "Professional Kathy" that was seperate from the real me.

My Psychologist told me that I was a perfectionist and that was my problem. WHAT????????????? A Perfectionist???? How could a perfectionist live like that??? He said that as a perfectionist I had a great fear of failure. Thats why I excelled at work. But it was also why I procrastinated at home.. Fear of failing at something.. not doing it perfectly... kept me from trying at all. I would rather not even try than to try and fail. After alot of soul searching I realized he was right. After seeing how many of us have great careers and multiple degrees, etc. I was wondering if any of you could relate that theory to your weight history.. I know I sure can.

Just Curious,

Kathy

P.S. Stay at home Moms do not be offended.. I was so afraid of failing at raising a family I never had any kids!!!! I bet the same applies to some of you though.. Super Mom to your kids but your own worst enemy.

omg, you are me. i am a very well educated and professional individual. i too struggle with the whole house thing because of my perfectionism. i don't like to 1/2 clean and if i can't do it right, forget it. my closets are mostly empty and the stuff is cluttered all over the house because...i'm not shoving it in the closet. How insane is that? Clean, mostly empty closets and clutter everywhere. i'm not sure how this would apply to my weight gain history though. I think mine is for different reasons other than perfectionism. Anyway, glad to hear that there is someone out there who feels the same way as I do about having two selves.

What an intresting topic. . .

Fat doesnt discrimitate, but I think to get a band you have to be educated a) that it is an option and you can afford it.

So maybe there is is a correlation between IQ and banding.

This is something I have been thinking about for a while. . "Informed Choice" could you give a person with an Intellectual disability a band? Could it help people with Prada Willy Syndrome. I know this is off your topic but it has been going through my mind lately.

Thanks for raising an intresting topic

I have the education and the corporate position - but I don't consider myself an intellectual. I am a perfectionist - situationally. I have failed before, and generally where I have failed is also where I am most driven because I have something to prove to - myself, my family - whomever. I'll probably get a lot of disagreement on this, but I believe you can't want to be thin without also wanting to be fat, in some way. Perhaps not even consciously. But I believe we do everything we do, including living fat lives, because we get something out of it, intrinsic - extrinsic - doesn't matter. Fear of failure is a very powerful, and extremely simply - yet extraordinarily complex, motivator.

Wheetsin,

What do we get out of being fat?

I can't tell you what you get out of being fat, I've never spoken with you. It's not going to be a blanket, "People get X", it's very individual. For some people it's a way to hide. For some, a way to detract specific kinds of attention. Or a way to exert control, or a way to hurt someone else, or a way to seek protection... and on, and on... (peek at the emotional eating page that's around somewhere, you will see a lot of things there...)

My Psychologist told me that I was a perfectionist and that was my problem. WHAT????????????? A Perfectionist???? How could a perfectionist live like that??? He said that as a perfectionist I had a great fear of failure. Thats why I excelled at work. But it was also why I procrastinated at home.. Fear of failing at something.. not doing it perfectly... kept me from trying at all. I would rather not even try than to try and fail. After alot of soul searching I realized he was right. After seeing how many of us have great careers and multiple degrees, etc. I was wondering if any of you could relate that theory to your weight history.. I know I sure can.

Holy crap, Im a profectionist!!! lol I can so see that in dieting. Do any of you do this? I am great all week, till lets say friday, then we go out to eat. So I say I am going to be good but my hubby orders a big juicy hamburger, and chips and dips and a coke. So then in my head I think well this meal won't hurt I done so good all week I can splurge. Then after I have gotten in the car and unbuttoned my jeans for the ride home, I'm pissed at myself. Mad that I blew it.

Next day sat, I get up ok well I am going to be good today, then my kids say mom fix us some Breakfast. They want blue berry pancakes, sausage, eggs ect... So in my mide I think Hell I already blew it for the week so I'll start again Monday. So now the entire weekend I pig out.. wtf?

Thats it... you solved it Im just a perfectionist.. If I can't do it perfect for the week I just give up all together..

(I wonder if next time my hubby grips about the laundry not being done if I can say "but honey Im a profectionist) lol

LOL I got alot out of being fat, mainly to irritate my mom, then moved into hiding from men, cuz men really dont look at fat gurls!!! But I am done with all that now, just want to lose wieght for health issues....And NO the band would not work for most people with developmental disabilities. You have to be able to say No to yourself and have control or you can really damage your stomach by retching. Especially people with predor willy, they eat everything. I had a client that ate flour, her goldfish, even dirt. But I have worked with other clients that probably could be banded and would be successful with it.

So now I am on the hunt for a job that has insurance that will pay for the surgery.:banplease:

It's funny....I am somewhat of a perfectionist and I think that being a stay at home Mom has been my niche.......I have historically been underemployed, and now I work a very part time job doing preschool curriculum enhancement as a consultant. I have 4 kids under 7 and a very busy house. I don't want to sound conceited or toot my own horn, but what I manage at home is INSANE. I (daily) think that there are few people who could handle my kids/house/responsibility like I do. I have to be exceedingly organized and work very efficiently to maintain the schedule of activities we do. I have alot of things I try to stick to like homemade dinner everynight for the family, going to my kids games & performances, volunteering at their schools as much as possible etc. it is definately a full plate. Rather than feeling underemployed, I think this is one of the toughest roles I have stepped into. Not sure if I was hiding under my fat, or eating out of fear or frustration like mentioned above, but now I am in one of the best places I ever have been, and I am using my band to take control of me too. It's funny to think that after all of the academic things I have completed that I would find my highest challenge right here at home!