Hello hello Hello!!!

So, I knew I wanted to start a journal at some point, and I didn?t quite know when or where to begin. When I began to think about it, I figured I?d start my story at the beginning.

That?s a lot of typing, so if you are interested I have pasted a link. ~*~ LilMissDiva's Journey Journal ~*~ - LAP-BAND? Surgery and LAP-BAND? Discussion Forum

Read my story if you like, and it?s a long read. I have been banded for nearly 3 years and I?m topping where I was on banding day. How is that, especially with as much as I weigh? It is what it is, that?s all I know. I also know that I?m a fighter. I?m not going to ever give up until my goal is reached and health is that goal.

Actually that link will lead you to my umpteenth attempt at trying to work my band. I?ve had surely well over 20 fills. In fact I have an appt at the end of this month to have the fluid unfilled. Nina from Dr. Aceves office said it?s a good idea, just in case to prevent there being as much swelling during the surgery. Done! You don?t have to tell me twice? lmao!

This will be my ?Countdown? thread. So at first it will countdown the days until my revision? (yay!!!), then it will be my new and fresh journey to start over again. I need something that I believe in 110% that will not only help me get to goal but will help keep me there. I believe in this surgery just that much, if not more. I have become so accustomed to the results from this website I?ve seen from countless others, that when I go back to my old message board and see those results? well anyway?

I only wish this were my one and only, but like a bad first marriage, Mr. Right is waiting in the wings to sweep me off my feet. I?m glad I didn?t allow the misery of this one keep me from trying something better.

Now before I hear any ?It?s just a tool, you have to do the work?, don?t bother. I really don?t want nor need to hear that. Trust me; no one else on Earth knows this more than I do. After a failed first experiment, I know full well this surgery is only a tool. My first tool didn?t work on me worth a darn? You know? it?s not supposed to be harder to lose with your tool than without it!!

I am quite the writer and I can type away until I realize I?m at six pages, so? with that I?ll end this entry. I just wanted to say hello to everyone. I?m super glad this place was created, thus by chance introducing me to the surgery I should have gotten in the first place. J

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and helpful. An extra special thank you to all the numerous sleevers out there who post here with their experiences. Good and bad!

So without further ado? I have 3 weeks and 6 days until surgery day. YIPPEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Surgery Date: 9/14/10!! Surgeon: Dr. Aceves in Mexicali MX :scared0:

Good morning all!

Correction!! My surgery date is in fact 9/15/10 and not 9/14/10. Whoops! What a booboo, but hey at least I didn’t not (grammatically incorrect I know) find out and it was the day *before* I thought. Ha-ha now that would have been a big deal. Besides I'm sure the surgeon’s office would have been sending me reminders and it would have clicked eventually.

So, all is good on that front! I will need to arrive in San Diego a day early. The reason is I will be riding into Mexicali and shortly after; I will undergo all the wonderful pre-operative testing that is imperative to be performed before undergoing such an invasive procedure. I’m getting ready though! More ready than I have ever been with any previous surgery. I’m also so glad I have the funds to be able to make my own decision this time, and not rely on insurance to make it for me.

I need to create myself a to-do list since I will be traveling a distance to get there. I won’t fly in either since I’m scared to fly. I’m not that far anyway. San Diego is only a 7 hour drive from me. I will undergo any extra stress to do what I must.

To be perfectly honest, I never thought I’d be so excited to have my band removed. I sincerely have zero faith in it anymore. At some point you become so detached with something that had so much promise. When you get like that, it’s time to move on. I had a choice though, keep the band and risk more complications, weight gains and misery – or work to have it removed, revise to something else and get your life back.

I choose the latter. I am a fighter and until my last breath I will always forage on to become the best person I can be. All that starts in the head and it will manifest itself onto my body, my personality and everything in between. If that means cutting my losses and admitting a failure (not in a bad way) and making that into a success then I have done what I needed to do. I would encourage anyone to do this for themselves.

The band did get me semi-results before it started going bonkers on me. It was very short lived. Only up to 4 months in, and I had gone from 283 on the day of surgery down to 227. The difference I felt in those 56 Lbs was incredible. I felt so freed of the bonds of that extra weight. I was wearing clothing sizes I hadn’t in more than a decade. I was so energetic and life was just bliss.

I want that for myself again, more than anything. I was a much better person, easier to get along with and my outlook was super positive. Well when one goes in the wrong direction, and especially with WLS surgery this can be quite amplified, it can really put a strain on your inner self. Sure the bones can feel it physically, but the heart and mind I think go more into self-destruct than anything else. It spirals and spirals until you wake up one day and realize you have lost total control of that steering wheel. What do I do then? Accept the path I’m going down into certain crash? Or, rather do I grab back onto that wheel and veer it back onto the road. It will be a bit jittery getting back on that road, but at least I did something about it. I do not accept a negative fate. I have way too much to live for, to fight for…

So with that, you all know a little where I’ve been and surely now know where I’m headed.

Blessings for the day!