Irritated with people

[pumpkin07 32]

Does life suck? Well, my daddy taught me early on "life is not fair". You just cannot expect it to be. But yeah, it can still piss you off, right?.

With women, I feel rejection at either weight bc when I am fat I can make friends better with other fat women, maybe cause we eat together. But becoming a more normal weight has changed my friendships. I lost the closeness of a fatty friend I think maybe bc of surgery. There are certainly women that were more comfortable with me fat. But then again I just hang out with my thinner friends. It really doesn't bother me with women - I don't take it personal bc I accept the fact that women want to be friends with people they have stuff in common with.

The hurtful part to me is when you want a significant partner and you have a lot to offer, but can't attract a man of true caliber that is your equal in many ways. BC lets face it, excessive body fat is a turn off to many men who tend to be on the healthy side of things. I'm sure there are exceptions.

I have a husband who really prefers me slightly overweight but not skinny and not obese. That works for me. But to tell the truth I met him when I was slightly overweight (after losing some weight) and then I gained weight after birth of our kids. He hung in there, but he was thrilled with weight loss. He loved me, but he is healthy and wants me to be the same, and he is more attracted to a more normal weight woman.

I see men looking at me now, but I'm 47 so I'm not even sure what they are thinking. Sometimes it is nice to get attention, but sometimes I'd rather be invisible bc there is a peace/tranquility there.

There was a time I was overweight and alone. And it was sad, but such a damn peaceful time in my life with lots of time for self reflection, personal growth compared to now married with two kids and a busy career. AGH. Now I have to stay up late to find a thought for myself. But of course I'm happier, not as sad or lonely. But just sometimes I'd like to sink back in for a couple weeks just to get some peace and rest.

Hang in there...we're just hotties now and we gotta get the pennies b/c we were obviously shorted a few earlier in our lives....lol

[former_vbg 198]

I think it is unfair not to give someone a chance when you get thin. When I was single, I would not date fat men. I just didn't find them attractive. I dated a lot- but never anyone fat. It is like not wanting to date someone shorter, or bald, or of a different race. It is all about what you find attractive. I cannot fault a man that is not attracted to my body. I do the same thing.

I'm glad someone re-activated this thread.

I would agree with it not being fair to give someone a chance when you get thin that wouldn't when you were heavy. But, I will say its not always that easy. When I had my first surgery and I was really starting to see a different and thinner me, I was in a situation through a mutual friendship a guy who was quite overweight, probably about #100. He was as sweet as they come, and I could tell he was just enamored with me- but I pretty much gave him the cold shoulder. If I'm honest, I was scared to date someone heavier at that time because I was afraid of being involved with someone that was living a lifestyle that might put me back in my old world. It wasn't fair to him, it really wasn't.

Now, talking about the professional world. I know I projected much more confidence and overall was just a happier person and I saw huge differences in career opportunities at that time. I spoke with more confidence, willing to take more risks and step forward with my ideas not worrying about whether someone will be looking at how fat I was verses how good my ideas were.

That being said, I do understand about being resentful of being treated differently when you are thin verses overweight. It isn't fair - it just isn't. I guess we are all human and I just hope that when I have my revision done that I will be able to remember these things and give the compassion to others regardless of their size.

Everyone has a skinny person inside, its just a lot harder for some to show it than others (me included).