So my surgery is May 12, and rapidly approaching. I quit smoking a couple of weeks ago and its been a freaking nightmare because my BF is a major trigger for me smoking and he has been a really winner lately. I am feeling super sad and guilty because I have just been eating whatever and not caring until after the meal where i want to cry.

I told myself a few weeks ago when my surgery date was set that I was going to try to lose 15lbs by my date and eat smart just to help my body out. Currently I am at the lowest rockbottom part of my life with my weight. Even though years ago when I had the band I weight about 40lbs more I am older now and my fat/body is reacting differently to being this heavy again. (I gained 25lbs two months ago when they unfilled my band).

Seriously everything about my belly makes me want to cry. Even now just sitting here my freaking stomach is sitting on my upper legs and making me hot. All of my jeans do not fit from 2 months ago and I am having a hard time finding shirts that are long enough to cover my lower belly.

I know that I am going to get the surgery in two weeks but I really hoped to be going in with such a positive mindset so to thrust me into my new positive life. Right now I just feel depressed, sad, alone and needing a hug.

yes exactly pnw218 .... and Phatcurves, just one more point... I want you to know that I don't say these things because I want to be right, or make some point, or tell you want to do... it is only that I care and I can tell you're struggling and I'd love to see you help yourself out of the situation and find more happiness. Big hugs to you.

I don't just like food I use it to numb discomfort, or to heighten good moods. Today I very impulsively stopped and bought a small fry and a small milkshake and then like a giant sneak sat in the back of a parking lot and ate 4 fries and four bites of that shake.

Wannalise. I know what your saying. Its not the fact that you ate it (our sleeves keep overeating from being a real problem) it WHY you ate. You were seeking the food numb. It really is a drug for us. I use food the same way, to numb, check out.

I don't think its necessarily a bad thing to want to numb ourselves sometimes. Its probably human to need that release. Maybe we just need to find another way to get there like meditation, yoga, extreme sports.

Guilt is the enemy.

Phatcurves

My 2 cents on the relationship thing. You'll make a move when its time. Listen to your gut and trust yourself.

Take care

Stacey

Edited April 27, 201016 yr by stcyt

Ehhh I packed on like six pound before surgery...eating everything. I really didnt even follow my preop diet because I was missing food already. I felt the same was...guilty, but I loved the food. I was the heaviest I have ever been on my life on surgery day, and I came out "fine", as fine as one can be missing 80% of their stomach and happen to be addicted to food. That is the beauty of this surgery though, You cant sit and gorge...It is impossible, youll die a painful death...I took a swallow of water the other day that was too large and was mad for an hour about it...You'll do fine, promise = D