I know here lately I've posted and sounded down and maybe I am, I've got a lot going on in my life. Tonight I was watching an episode of I think it's titled "my 600 lb life and where are they now", well I live with my mom and have lived with her for the past year for several reasons, one she's 74 and needs me but for the main reason, I can't find a job and I need her as much as she needs me because I can't make ends meet on my alimony alone since my divorce 2 yrs ago and live by myself. Well, while watching this show I could really relate to these people who had had gastric bypass and their eating issues so I paused the DVR and said to my mom "you know I really need help with my eating issues". Just yesterday or last night I posted on here that I crave something sweet after meals and it is an awful feeling and I didn't know how to deal with it. Her reply was harsh, guess I wasn't ready to hear it and wanted her support. She basically said to deal with it. My feelings to the issue is, this is a real sickness, people are addicted to food as some are addicted to alcohol or drugs. I need to learn how to channel those feelings of wanting to eat at non-eating times to something else. I am paying for my own health ins and it costs a lot over $500/mo for me and my deductible is $2500 and I've had to stop going to my psychiatrist because each visit was going towards my deductible and I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket. I'm crushed, I've been a patient of his for 7 yrs. I did find a psychologist here where I live but she keeps pushing me to do things that cost me, like hobbies and although that is fine and dandy I can't afford it. Now lets talk about exercise: Mom says tonight "I'll pay for a membership to a gym if you'll go", great I say but she doesn't understand that I can barely walk around the block here at home before I have to walk in the door and take a pain pill to kill the pain in my knee that I've had 2 surgeries on. I just feel like she doesn't understand or I feel all alone in this right now. Yes, I've come out of the closet yesterday on here that I'm Bipolar, I take meds for it and they leave me hungover the next day so I usually sleep in till 10:30 and cause insomnia so I'm up till the wee hrs of the night/morning going to bed and the one drug that knocks me out causes some weight gain and cravings but its the only thing that will put me to sleep at night and control my moods. Going back to my psychiatrist, he kept a close eye on me and my bipolar and all my meds, now my reg dr handles all my meds. I have a feeling some of this is mild depression going on, but I just don't have the money to make an appt with my old dr right now. sheesh. My Lap Band dr has me come in once a month for fills and that has been costing me over $100 a time, I'm up to my eyeballs in medical bills. No wonder my hair is falling out. Going back to exercise, I tried to do a Burpee, omg, I couldn't even accomplish that, couldn't squat because of my knee. I thought I was going to have to call the fire dept to get me up. Thanks for listening.

Donna

Thanks Tx and Anna. You all will be happy to know that I get to see my Psychiatrist again. He agreed to see me every 3 months and also treat me over the phone since he is in Nashville, woohoo, I'm elated. To Tx, you are right about the SSI, I make too much with alimony for that. So far as the law goes with SS disability here in KY I do not qualify because of my work history since I haven't worked in 15 yrs, you have to have worked in the past 10 yrs to qualify. I did however write my Congressman about the laws, probably won't do any good but just wanted it to get out there. Here lately I've been eating fresh fruit as something sweet, cherries, grapes, pears, apples. Thanks all of you for your support.

Donna