Question for those who have kids 12 or over

[cat whisperer 127]

Hello - I'm wondering if those of you who have slightly older kids are telling them about your surgery? My daughters, aged 12 and 13 both know I am having "a surgery", but don't know the details. Neither of them have weight problems, but I have also raised them to be sensitive to other people's sizes (not to mention other things of course). It's difficult with girls as I don't want them to start worrying about their weights. Another factor is that I am pretty adamant about keeping my surgery secret, and I am worried about my secret getting out if I tell them as I am friends with several mothers of their friends. I don't think they would tell deliberately, but you know how things can just slip out in passing with kids (even as an adult that can happen).

Have you told your kids? Told them to keep it a secret? I just really don't know quite what to do here so thought I would seek the opinions of those wiser than me

[Sarah75 67]

I told my 3 daughters age 17,13 & 7...the 13 year old told her step-mom and now everyone knows..so I have given up keeping it hush hush

[cat whisperer 127]

Sarah, that is my fear too - one little comment to one of their friends - then boom, all the mothers know... sorry to hear that happened - although maybe at least they were supportive of you when they found out?

[cflick 303]

I told my 12 yr old .. told her it was private tho just to discuss at home w mommy and daddy or w nanna if she is worring about something. . I figure she needed to know and understand since my eating would change so significantly during pre and post op... I also wanted her to under stand that it is important for even moms to take a time out and take care of themselves. As I think sometimes we forget to do this:-)

[Shelleymb 75]

I don't have kids, but there are only 3 people who know I was banded, the rest of my family thinks I had an appendectomy. They bought it. Same scars and all

[elcee 3,340]

i didn't tell either of mine.My daughter was away at uni so she didn't even know I was going for any kind of surgery and my son who was 15 i just told him I had to go in for some minor test. I told both of them about a year later. My daughter was a bit relieved as she apparently thought I was bulimic. My son said that he had figured it out anyway.

[Kitt3000 757]

You cannot un tell it. I chose to only share with my husband and all of you!! Haha!

[Draven 188]

Hi all. I told my son. And he's great with it, always makes sure to get non carbonated drinks for me. But I also didn't keep my band a secret. I'm very proud of my band. Men like tools. And the band is a tool. All I know is. That there was no way I was losing weight on my own . And this helped and worked. So I sing its praises every chance I get. Best of luck.

[sherylkay 23]

I am with you I'm going through the surgery I have four kids I will not tell my kids I have told my husband my twin sister and then as the only two people that I have told. Maybe I'm selfish but I feel like it's nobody else's business but mine and if I do tell someone you're right it could get it could slip out and somebody else will know and that's not their business.

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

Discussed it in with my two daughter's 9 & 12, let them know why I was doing it, and that there would be changes in how I ate afterwards. My 12 year old took it in stride, and it became a teaching tool with my 9 year old, whom we adopted out of a family that practiced extreme hypochondria and prescription drug abuse. She and I talked several times about whether I was afraid, and wether I was going to die if when I went to the surgical center. I did tell them that this was a family matter and shouldn't be discussed out side of the family.

[Anch 52]

I have 2 girls, 11 & 10 and I chose not to tell them. They do not have weight problems and I did not want them to worry about me. I also do not want my in-laws to know. Only a few people know in my family, and I am happy with the choices I have made.

[Banjo257 920]

Do what works best for you, but my advise is be cautious of getting caught in a lie. Especially lying to your kids. I feared being "found out" but I feared not being honest with my kids more. They were 15 and 18, boys. So when someone asks, I say I am on a strict diet my doc designed for me. If I get asked point blank, I will tell I had the band.

My hope is someday we won't feel judgemental about ourselves so we won't continue contributing to the taboo of wls.

[MsOquozi 8]

As a single parent, I told both of my daughters, ages 13 and 20. My 20 year old is away in college but is also my next of kin, so I told her. I explained to my 13 year old what I was doing and why. She is looking forward to when I dont have to be on medications and am healthier and happier. She is a willing participant and supportive to this journey. It was important to me that she understood the why more than the what.

But the bottomline is you know what your kids can or cannot handle.

[LadyOphelia1988 21]

I told all my kids. Three of which are still at home (ages 19, 17 and 12) and one that lives with his wife and child. I don't mind that their friends know. The kids did need to know because they had to understand that my eating would change. It has been a family thing really. They encourage me when I start getting annoyed that I can't have some of the things they are eating. Now I have no cravings for most of what they eat and only want my shakes and my meals. They have been wonderful through this.

[CanCan1791 57]

I didn't tell my kids and they didn't even notice. I guess I've done enough wacky diets that this is just the norm.