At my Wit's End

[AngelaLou99 36]

Both my husband and I are banded. Since December, we are on the same schedule with our appointments. When he got his fill in January, he started having trouble with food; getting stuck, PBing, and even some vomiting. Obviously too tight. He talked about getting some Fluid taken out, but didn't and decided to tough it out.

So we had appointments a couple of weeks ago, and what does he do? Gets another fill!! I wanted to rat on him about his troubles, but I didn't. Now, he really has problems with solid foods. He's eating slider foods and not following the rules.

I've reminded him about the consequences of being in the Red Zone and have encouraged him to go get a small unfill. He seems to not care. We both have had great success so far with 80+ pounds lost each in 6 months. I have had zero problems at all. No stuck episodes, PBing or vomiting.

I hate to see him like this. I've done all that I can do, but the ball is in his court right now. I don't want all of his success and hard work to be in vain and he have a slip or even revert back to his old eating habits. I don't know what else to do.

[2muchfun 8,928]

Wow, this gives a new meaning to the phrase, "Don't crap where you eat".

Do you alienate your husband by tattling to his doctor or nag him till he leaves you or let him harm himself with a slip or erosion?

Hmmm? If he starts to vomit, PB a lot, stop losing weight or experience pain, I would tattle. But you should let him know you're going to tattle. If he continues to lose weight it's hard to argue with success though? Still, his over all health is the most important isn't it?

tmf

[Draven 188]

Ang, Im no doctor. It reads to me that he is going through a stage where he is becoming too consumed with losing weight. Maladaptive eating is a serious concern. And if he continues to eat slider food only he WILL stop losing, and could even start gaining. Remind him that vomiting is the worst thing he can do, and could cause him to lose the band altogether. Tha's what worked with getting me in check. Good luck.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

i wish i could say something to make it easier but the only thing i can think of to say is you continue to do your thing and set the example of how its done. he is a grown man/adult and will do whatever he wants no matter what you say or do..heck aint we all that way?

he knows what he is doing (per what you wrote) and until he decides to stop, he wont.. so you just do the best you can do with yourself and hopefully your wonderful success will encourage him to do better....we can lead a horse to Water but cant make him drink until and unless he wants too.

[laurigee 545]

If he can't see that he is struggling to succeed and you are succeeding without struggling he must be self absorbed in his own journey! Obviously everything you say is going in one ear and out the other! What is sad is that he is so consumed with losing weight that he is not concentrating on his health! That is suppose to be the ultimate goal! You can be thin and unhealthy and what has he achieved!? He will have to learn on his own that he is on a road that is unsustainable long term! You are his wife, you both heard the band rules, the consequences, and the risks of not following certain guidelines. You are not his mother! He is a grown man that will only "get it" once he starts suffering the consequences of his behavior! As a wife I get your concern! However, tattling will only cause animosity between the two of you. No man wants to be treated like a child! So make him "man up" and take responsibility for his own behavior and the consequences of it! Sometimes its hard to watch those we love fall. But for them to learn it has to happen! All you can do is be there if it happens and NEVER say "I told you so", be supportive and encouraging! Good luck!

[Baba Wawa 543]

If he can't eat the foods he should and relies on sliders he won't lose. He'll lose more with less fill that allows him to eat a variety of nutritious foods and get his Protein requirements in,

I became too tight (not because of fills) and ate whatever I could to get by and didn't lose an ounce in 6 months. After getting my unfill (100%) I've lost 20 lb...

Being too tight also brings the risk of a slip and erosion. Tattle.

[AngelaLou99 36]

Thank You all for the comments.

I'm done. Last night he was talking about getting his band removed because he can't eat right. Again I told him that he needs to make an appointment and get some Fluid removed!!! You're eating slider foods because you are in the Red Zone and you are only hurting yourself!!

I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. I just knew he was going to be successful especially since we were doing this together, and it is something he really wanted to do and needed to do for his health. I prepare the proper meals, and if he chooses not to eat them, it's not my fault. It hurts me to see him like this and to feel like he's giving up, but I'm out of it. This is a battle that he is going to have to figure out on his own. The solution is simple... make an appointment!!

[2muchfun 8,928]

Thank You all for the comments.

I'm done. Last night he was talking about getting his band removed because he can't eat right. Again I told him that he needs to make an appointment and get some Fluid removed!!! You're eating slider foods because you are in the Red Zone and you are only hurting yourself!!

I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. I just knew he was going to be successful especially since we were doing this together, and it is something he really wanted to do and needed to do for his health. I prepare the proper meals, and if he chooses not to eat them, it's not my fault. It hurts me to see him like this and to feel like he's giving up, but I'm out of it. This is a battle that he is going to have to figure out on his own. The solution is simple... make an appointment!!

food addiction is real. People will find a way to sabotage their own success to get what they think they want or need. Also, advice coming from a spouse or relative can be hard to swallow(pun intended) for some reason. Let's hope his surgeon can talk some sense into him?

tmf

[B-52 7,113]

The band will change the way you eat and the foods you eat....that's how we loose weight after all.....there is a fine line between being too tight and eating wrong....

You say you NEVER got stuck??? And he is ALWAYS getting stuck? Hmmmmmmm......

The truth is somewhere in between me thinks.....

[AngelaLou99 36]

You say you NEVER got stuck??? And he is ALWAYS getting stuck? Hmmmmmmm......

The truth is somewhere in between me thinks.....

Yes, that is correct, and I repeat that I've NEVER been stuck on any food, PBed, or have vomited. I eat whatever foods I choose, and I weigh and measure everything I put in my mouth. I'm not perfect, but I follow all the rules. Obviously, what I am doing has worked for me and I've been very successful so far in my journey.

Not everyone has problems, and I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who hasn't had any. Sorry if you do, but we all know what we're supposed to do. It's up to each person to make their own choices and decisions.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Not everyone has problems' date=' and I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who hasn't had any. Sorry if you do, but we all know what we're supposed to do. It's up to each person to make their own choices and decisions.[/quote']

I agree with you 100%. Not everyone walks around with their band too tight. Some of us, like you, are very aware of that risk and choose not jeopardize our bands or health.

I also can eat anything so long as I take small bites and chew thoroughly. I've only PB'd twice in the 14 months I've been banded and both were very early on and totally my fault. I've never vomited and it's extremely rare I'm ever stuck. Like you, I choose to use my band the way it's meant to be used.

I hope and pray your husband will come around before he does any damage. Just know you're doing all you can to help him but you can't make him help himself.

[B-52 7,113]

Yes, that is correct, and I repeat that I've NEVER been stuck on any food, PBed, or have vomited. I eat whatever foods I choose, and I weigh and measure everything I put in my mouth. I'm not perfect, but I follow all the rules. Obviously, what I am doing has worked for me and I've been very successful so far in my journey.

Not everyone has problems, and I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who hasn't had any. Sorry if you do, but we all know what we're supposed to do. It's up to each person to make their own choices and decisions.

Ok, I get it....I'm not trying to be confrontational, but just from a educational standpoint, what does the band do for you? Is there anything you are doing now you could not do before you had the band surgery???

I read this all the time....about counting calories, measuring portions, following the "Rules" .....and to me this is everything I have ever learned from any diet I have been on before I had surgery.....and failed at it because I could not do it...so I needed to have WLS as a last resort.....

But, again not being confrontational, I really do want to know how the BAND has changed all that for you, if you are following all the rules on our own.....

I for one, cannot do it on my own....if I did I will eventually fail, fall off the wagon, loose track, etc....my take a year or two but I eventually would....

Thanks for your honesty....

[AngelaLou99 36]

The topic of this thread wasn't supposed to be about me. But I will say this: IF I ever have any problems, I will know that it will be 99.9% my own fault because of a choice that I made!!

Now I get and understand why people don't like or are hesitant about getting on here. I have learned a lot from others on this site. Wow........

Anyway, my husband may be making an appointment today to get in and get some Fluid removed from his band. Thanks for the support, and stay tuned!!

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

I agree with you 100%. Not everyone walks around with their band too tight. Some of us, like you, are very aware of that risk and choose not jeopardize our bands or health.

I also can eat anything so long as I take small bites and chew thoroughly. I've only PB'd twice in the 14 months I've been banded and both were very early on and totally my fault. I've never vomited and it's extremely rare I'm ever stuck. Like you, I choose to use my band the way it's meant to be used.

I hope and pray your husband will come around before he does any damage. Just know you're doing all you can to help him but you can't make him help himself.

agreed with this post 100%

and if and when i ever get a fill, i want to be able to eat/drink without the other comfortably...i was told to eat slow, take baby bites and so far, so good....

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Ok, I get it....I'm not trying to be confrontational, but just from a educational standpoint, what does the band do for you? Is there anything you are doing now you could not do before you had the band surgery???

I read this all the time....about counting calories, measuring portions, following the "Rules" .....and to me this is everything I have ever learned from any diet I have been on before I had surgery.....and failed at it because I could not do it...so I needed to have WLS as a last resort.....

But, again not being confrontational, I really do want to know how the BAND has changed all that for you, if you are following all the rules on our own.....

I for one, cannot do it on my own....if I did I will eventually fail, fall off the wagon, loose track, etc....my take a year or two but I eventually would....

Thanks for your honesty....

Why are you questioning her? She says her band is exactly how it should be and not too tight, and you're actually going to interrogate her? Just because she's smart enough not to risk her band and health by walking around too tight like her husband?

I'm sorry you don't feel the need to follow "the rules" but some of us, like the original poster, are smart enough to realize the rules are their to protect us and help us.