More I Lose, the Fatter I Feel

[tarajill 63]

Seems like the more weight I lose the fatter I feel. I believe it is because before the surgery I was in such denial about my obesity and had not really looked in the mirror at myself, especially neck down. So this renewed awareness has made me very self conscious. I know it will get better just a weird thought to process and makes it hard to be happy with my success so far.

Oh, and had my second fill yesterday. I've already developed a bad habit of wanting to "test" the fill. See if I can tell a difference or not right away! I think I have some degree of restriction with this one (4 mL in 10 mL band). The doctors office was like, wow, you are doing awesome.... and I said yeah, it is only because I am tracking every calorie and learned everything i needed to know from the LabBandTalk forum. Ha!

I'm still not exercising yet.... queen of the good excuses I am!

This is just as much mental work as physical, heading the right direction though.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Oh, and I can't figure out how to do the before and after photos?

[m1aman 944]

Me too. I feel just as fat as ever.

[flrosie 154]

This is something I've been thinking about for a while. I'm wondering if I'll need psychological help when this is all over (only half joking here). I've been heavy my whole life. Who am I going to be when I'm not this size any more? Am I going to be different? I hope not because I like who I am even if I don't like how I look. How are people going to be towards me? Different? Probably, but am I going to like the difference?

When I did my psych eval I told the doc that I am excited to meet the new person I will be. Since I've never been thin (normal weight, I mean), I don't know what my face will look like, how my legs will look, how clothes will feel....it can be overwhelming and, let's be honest here, all of this is part of the reason I couldn't maintain any weight loss in the past. It was self-sabotage, easier to continue to be the fat person I knew than take the scary path to the normal weight person I didn't. Maybe I'm rambling but your post made perfect sense to me.

9 days to bandyland

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

Seems like the more weight I lose the fatter I feel. I believe it is because before the surgery I was in such denial about my obesity and had not really looked in the mirror at myself, especially neck down. So this renewed awareness has made me very self conscious. I know it will get better just a weird thought to process and makes it hard to be happy with my success so far.

Oh, and had my second fill yesterday. I've already developed a bad habit of wanting to "test" the fill. See if I can tell a difference or not right away! I think I have some degree of restriction with this one (4 mL in 10 mL band). The doctors office was like, wow, you are doing awesome.... and I said yeah, it is only because I am tracking every calorie and learned everything i needed to know from the LabBandTalk forum. Ha!

I'm still not exercising yet.... queen of the good excuses I am!

This is just as much mental work as physical, heading the right direction though.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Oh, and I can't figure out how to do the before and after photos?

-

is more mental then anything as us former dieters know all to well the ups and downs

of living and dieting and trying to find what works or find anything that will make us (lose weight)

i cant exercise like some on here and i just walk..thats it..it is all i can do and i am fine with that...i am living proof that someone doesnt have to go to a gym at 430 and work out for 2 hours...i couldnt if i tried..anyhow...so i dont worry about what i cant do..only what i can...same with you.

now, dont hate me but what is this going to test the fill/band nonsense? please dont do that ..i have read that so many times on this forum in the past year, its unreal..you deserve to treat yourself better and like a queen that you are...just continue your wonderful progress as you are doing well...

ps, i look in the mirror and see the lady in green at my start weight via my profile, not the gal in my profile shot.

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

Seems like the more weight I lose the fatter I feel. I believe it is because before the surgery I was in such denial about my obesity and had not really looked in the mirror at myself, especially neck down. So this renewed awareness has made me very self conscious. I know it will get better just a weird thought to process and makes it hard to be happy with my success so far.

Oh, and had my second fill yesterday. I've already developed a bad habit of wanting to "test" the fill. See if I can tell a difference or not right away! I think I have some degree of restriction with this one (4 mL in 10 mL band). The doctors office was like, wow, you are doing awesome.... and I said yeah, it is only because I am tracking every calorie and learned everything i needed to know from the LabBandTalk forum. Ha!

I'm still not exercising yet.... queen of the good excuses I am!

This is just as much mental work as physical, heading the right direction though.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Oh, and I can't figure out how to do the before and after photos?

You just hit the nail on the head. The head game is the hardest part of this journey, in my opinion! In time it will get easier, just keep plugging at it.

As for the before & after pics, go to your settings, click my surgery, click my photos (left column) and you can add your before & after pics there.

[line-dancer 810]

Start therapy now its always helpful and it sound like you are in the right place to get a lot out of it. I have been heavy all my adult life but I am enjoying losing weight now and the way I look. I don't let my naked body bother me because I am not planning of showing that off but I am looking great in cloths and line dancer behind me now are liking the view a lot better. Go one day at a time and soon you will be braging ti all of us how your loving the work and the rewards.

[Jun021068 87]

Take a picture of yourself once a month and that is the one that is going to tell you that you are indeed getting healthier. I've lost 33 lbs so far and people are noticing it more than I do til someone took a group picture and saw myself. All of this time I thought everyone is just being nice.

[zinhaa 363]

ALL in our heads.

[2012 359]

Same here since my lower belly loves to stick around and I'm concerned with the after math of a pani (I think that's what it is called), I doubt my skin will shrink up that well.

[parisshel 1,892]

This is something I've been thinking about for a while. I'm wondering if I'll need psychological help when this is all over (only half joking here). I've been heavy my whole life. Who am I going to be when I'm not this size any more? Am I going to be different? I hope not because I like who I am even if I don't like how I look. How are people going to be towards me? Different? Probably, but am I going to like the difference?

When I did my psych eval I told the doc that I am excited to meet the new person I will be. Since I've never been thin (normal weight, I mean), I don't know what my face will look like, how my legs will look, how clothes will feel....it can be overwhelming and, let's be honest here, all of this is part of the reason I couldn't maintain any weight loss in the past. It was self-sabotage, easier to continue to be the fat person I knew than take the scary path to the normal weight person I didn't. Maybe I'm rambling but your post made perfect sense to me.

9 days to bandyland

Rosie, I feel EXACTLY the same as you! I just wrote a blog post about this. I've been overweight since third grade--with some moments of being less fat than now--but never under 165 pounds in my adult life. I have great sadness at the idea that I have never seen what the real, organic "me" was supposed to look like. I am thrilled that the band will give me a chance to be this person that I've always wanted to be but I agree that I may been a qualified and understanding therapist to help me let go of the sadness I feel that I wasted so many years in this body which was never the body I was meant to have.

Think about it. What is my face going to look like? (I can picture my body because that's easier to imagine...bodies are bodies more or less, but our faces are unique to us). Will I FINALLY be able to see if my children look like me? (My features are so blurred by the fat...who can tell what familial traits lay under them?).

To live in this world in a thin body, after 45 years of living in it in a body that was not within normal limits...it's going to be a wild ride.

I know I want this---I hate moving through the world at the weight I am currently at---but at the same time I am reflecting deeply on what my new identity (physically-speaking) will be. Everything is going to change. Everything.

[aeromech 202]

I am to be banded on the 20th. I understand this totally. I have been over 200 lbs since middle school and hit 335lbs at my heaviest.

There is something wrong with my mind. In my mind I am "used to" being a big person. I know my weight is a problem even if I am "big boned" or "muscular". I have always been the big strong guy that everyone relies on to take on big tasks, kinda like an elephant moving logs. The big strong guy complex is something huge to get over.

I feel that in my new life (post banding) near my goal weight I will be that freaky skinny dude that's athletic and stronger than you would ever think!!

This makes me want to find pics near my heaviest to base my journey on!

[Lose100 178]

I think some of this is the fear of the unknown. We were used to being heavy. We got comfortable with that weight. Maybe some of us is sacred to meet "the new you". Some of us never realized how big we were because we avoided the mirrors or taking pictures because of our weight. Now, this makes us take a look at ourselves. It may take a minute before our head catches up will all the changes.

[Momto3redheads 18]

I think a lot of us can relate with you!!! Someday what everyone else see will match what we see in the mirror...therapy DOES help! Hang in there!

[flrosie 154]

Rosie, I feel EXACTLY the same as you! I just wrote a blog post about this. I've been overweight since third grade--with some moments of being less fat than now--but never under 165 pounds in my adult life. I have great sadness at the idea that I have never seen what the real, organic "me" was supposed to look like. I am thrilled that the band will give me a chance to be this person that I've always wanted to be but I agree that I may been a qualified and understanding therapist to help me let go of the sadness I feel that I wasted so many years in this body which was never the body I was meant to have.

Think about it. What is my face going to look like? (I can picture my body because that's easier to imagine...bodies are bodies more or less, but our faces are unique to us). Will I FINALLY be able to see if my children look like me? (My features are so blurred by the fat...who can tell what familial traits lay under them?).

To live in this world in a thin body, after 45 years of living in it in a body that was not within normal limits...it's going to be a wild ride.

I know I want this---I hate moving through the world at the weight I am currently at---but at the same time I am reflecting deeply on what my new identity (physically-speaking) will be. Everything is going to change. Everything.

Parisshel, you're getting banded the day after me. Love the blog. I'm a writer, too, but I just can't make myself blog about this. For me it is still too personal. I guess I'm still afraid of putting myself out there and then failing again. But I'll write vicariously through your blog, okay?

[parisshel 1,892]

Parisshel, you're getting banded the day after me. Love the blog. I'm a writer, too, but I just can't make myself blog about this. For me it is still too personal. I guess I'm still afraid of putting myself out there and then failing again. But I'll write vicariously through your blog, okay?

Hehe. The Lapband Chronicles is uniquely for this experience and is not my prinicipal blog (of course!). I, too, am not [yet] ready for an across-the-board public witnessing of this. I suspect that will come, however, after I've lost some weight. Then I'll be all dancing in the street naked, shouting "look at me! look at me!"

Glad we are almost band sisters!