Success feels like cheating

[Ashleigh Childress 16]

So I'm at a point where I've lost 75 lbs and I'm a size 14, 190 lbs. my goal is 150, however I'm getting tired of hearing from people I hardly know that I look great because they always follow it up with "what are you doing?" I don't ever really want to tell them but then I feel guilty if I take credit entirely.

Anyone else dealing with this?

I'm grateful for the band and what it's done but I'm to the point where I want to be left alone about it. I appreciate that people are noticing and yes, it makes me proud but guilty like I'm cheating.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

You're not cheating at all. Look at it like this:

The band is just a tool. Everyone uses different tools for different jobs. When a painter is complimented for a beautiful piece of art, do they respond "Oh thank you, but I cheated, I used a brush to paint with". No!

You're not cheating. You wouldn't be losing weight if you weren't eating right and changed your relationship with food. That is 100% YOU. That's not the band. Look around these boards, you will see post after post of people still eating like they did before surgery and not losing weight as a result. That's not the band's fault, that's their own fault. The band is just a tool to control your hunger, it is YOU that is doing the work.

When someone asks what you're doing, tell them with pride! "I've changed the way I eat and watch my portions". That's not a lie, it's the truth, and it's a truth you should be proud of. The fact you used a tool to do is irrelevant.

[2012 359]

Thank you Missy, I agree with you, but do still kind of feel the same way as Ashleigh. Since I've lost 85 lbs, I get a lot of attention, even from people I never talk to at work and when they ask, I just tell them I eat high Protein, low carb, and track every little morsel that goes in my mouth and that I'm walking for exercise. But in the back of my mind, I know my little friend around my stomach is helping me too. Yesterday was insane though,I finally wore pants and a shirt that fit and everyone, and I mean lots of people, were calling me skinny, I just wish my head would catch up and sometimes I really don't like all of the attention, I know they are being nice to me, but I'm not one that likes to be the center of attention; although, I left a very happy person from work yesterday, so maybe I do like it a little after all, lol.

[B-52 7,113]

So I'm at a point where I've lost 75 lbs and I'm a size 14, 190 lbs. my goal is 150, however I'm getting tired of hearing from people I hardly know that I look great because they always follow it up with "what are you doing?" I don't ever really want to tell them but then I feel guilty if I take credit entirely.

Anyone else dealing with this?

I'm grateful for the band and what it's done but I'm to the point where I want to be left alone about it. I appreciate that people are noticing and yes, it makes me proud but guilty like I'm cheating.

I just tell people I don't eat near as much as I used to...and when I do it is all high Protein....then I tell them about my gym schedule and how much I have been running lately....It's all True.....

[mbmoore2518 42]

I tell people the truth. I am not embarassed. Anyone who thinks WLS is the easy way out is a moron. It is painful, expensive, frustrating, and I am hungry and still on a damn diet. lol This is no easy fix and I am working my butt off to be healthier. I don't know why I would not tell people the truth. I guess that is just me, but I believe honesty is the best policy.

[Frederic 500]

I really believe as long as you pretend the band isn't part of your success you're going to harbor guilt about it. This is just my opinion and possibly it's even an altered emotional state since my surgery was so recent but I really do believe that by not acknowledging the band your not acknowledging all of the hard work you've done to use it. Main stream society is going to keep thinking we've taken some sort of easy way out unless we start speaking up and saying how much work it is, that it isn't some magic pill or as easy as a trip to the dentist.

Just my opinion.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

you are responsible 100%

the band is merely a necklace on your tummy..you are the one eating better food in your allotted amounts and exercising...the band is assisting you..but make no mistake, you are doing this..your not cheating, you merely saved your life.

[2muchfun 8,928]

Almost everyone who loses weight uses a tool. According to many studies, our tool continues to work for years and years.

Jenny Craig, Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Slim-fast, nutrisystem, Zone and so on and so on are all tools to lose weight. The fact is, only 15% of obese patients on these programs keep the weight off after 5 years.

[B-52 7,113]

I tell people the truth. I am not embarassed. Anyone who thinks WLS is the easy way out is a moron. It is painful, expensive, frustrating, and I am hungry and still on a damn diet. lol This is no easy fix and I am working my butt off to be healthier. I don't know why I would not tell people the truth. I guess that is just me, but I believe honesty is the best policy.

Ah yes...one of the websites "know it all's"

But that's Ok, I've been called a lot worsethan "Moron" by people I actually know....

Just because YOU have had a hard time with this band, does not mean it's true for everybody....

I happen to find this the EASIEST thing I could have done to loose all my weight and be skinny and fit again...sure, the first 6 months were tough, the white knuckle "Bandster Hell"...but once I hit that MAGICAL green zone, and I learned my lessons, it has been very simple....I hardly think about it anymore..it's a new life for me...

Counting calories, measuring portions, and just plain old dieting is hard and painful...and I failed every time...But this...what can be more easy than to let the band do all the work!!

Of course, it is adjustable and everyone has the freedom to use it as they feel....and no negativity is going to bring me down from this....

So, if that makes me a "Moron", as you say other people on this website are...then I guess I'm a HAPPY SKINNY and FIT MORON, ....your slur does not compare to how good and successful I feel....

Now the "ignore" list....

[cheryl2586 3,053]

I think when you keep the band a secret you are just ashamed that you had weight loss surgery. There is nothing wrong with getting a little help. I don't lie about my weight loss surgery to anyone. I'm not ashamed that I had it. Maybe I can help someone else by telling them. Everyone has their own ideas about wls but I tell them it was never easy because it wasn't.

[**IP~LB** 279]

Only 3 people in my life know. I tell people I am working out and eating healthier small portions, which is very true.

Unfortunately people are very judgemental and think we are taking the easy way out! We all know in here that the lapband is NOT the easy way out and we have to work very hard at this. I know i do!

Congrats on your awesome weight loss!

[Frederic 500]

I'm just saying when we don't tell other people we did use the band I believe we're just propagating those myths that we took the easy way out as if we were just too lazy to stick to a diet.

In other words when someone else is trying to decide if they should consider WLS if we all acted like all we had to do was watch what we ate and exercise more; then aren't we part of the problem and stigma they're going to feel?

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I'm just saying when we don't tell other people we did use the band I believe we're just propagating those myths that we took the easy way out as if we were just too lazy to stick to a diet.

In other words when someone else is trying to decide if they should consider WLS if we all acted like all we had to do was watch what we ate and exercise more; then aren't we part of the problem and stigma they're going to feel?

I agree with you totally, but I also understand why some people simply can't deal with the stress and stigma that comes with telling people you've had WLS. It's a very personal decision and some people just aren't in a place emotionally to take that on.

When I first had WLS I didn't tell anyone at first. To be honest, I was so afraid of failing under a microscope. If people knew I had the band and I somehow failed, the fallout would have been unbearable. It wasn't until a couple months after surgery I realized "hey, I can do this!" and started telling people.

Now, everyone knows I had WLS and I am quite proud of it. But it took me some time to reach this place emotionally where I could tell others and use it as a chance to educate others.

[2012 359]

I personally just don't think it's anyone's business, it's my personal life, so I choose to not tell people, except for 3 people. My own brother doesn't even know because I know how he reacted to my mom getting gastric bypass. I'm not embarrassed at all and the same tools I use (HRM, MFP, walking, etc.) can be applied to others if they are willing to use these tools, but I know my history and needed my little friend to help and so far, so good.

[Frederic 500]

I understand why people don't admit to having Lapband and I won't criticize that choice but if asked for my opinion I think it is more than us our own business. I know I would have appreciated knowing I wasn't so alone earlier and feel obligated to let others know it's okay to seek medical help and they shouldn't feel guilty but they should be prepared.