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It sure happens, Joe. For better or worse, a huge weight loss affects everything in our lives. I personally would hope that a weight loss alone couldn't spell the end of a marriage; I'd think there would have had to be other things at work.

Hope you're not going through anything painful. :hug:

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No problem, big paul and thank you.

Thanks Alex, At this point its questionable.

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Hi,

Not yet, still hanging on by a thread.....

Yes, it really changes the dynamic of the relationship and exacerbates the problems that were already there in mine.....

Babs in TX

334/180 ish

-150 ish

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My two cents worth: I don't think it will negatively affect a marriage/relationship unless there was already something fundamentally "wrong" with it. Obviously the communication has to be completely open with the significant other from pre-band onwards.....

Good luck Joe...if you are facing some hard decisions.

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I agree if there were already problems before then it seems to get worse after. I think as the person who goes through the loss of weight realizes they want more for themselves and refuses to settle for the norm before the weight loss everything tends to be an issue. All I can say Joe is talking about your concerns now and laying everything out in the open with your wife would be a start on adding to the new you.

Good Job on you loss..

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My dh has asked me a few times jokingly if I was going to leave him once I am skinny. I am not. But I can see where this would stress an already bad marriage.

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Joe, I believe that you did something that was in your best interest for your health. I'm really sorry that your wife did not realize that. I had the same worries about my husband and our marriage but the bottom line is that you really need to be with someone who puts your concerns first. Right now you need to focus on you and not on how your wife feels compromised. If she truly loves you she will come around and if not, you need to love yourself enough to know that you will be ok no matter what. I know first hand how much our weight affects how we feel about ourselves but we need to remember that we are not defined by the scale but by how we show our true selves to eachother. Please remember that you can always find support and encouragement from those that are going through the same things that you are and dont give up. It might just be a phase that your wife needs to adjust to. Please keep in touch.

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Things getting rockier here, the loss has changed me inside and out and I have realized that I am worth something and it's ok to want things that have been a problem for us always, but right now we're working on it. Communicatin is a key, hopefully the lock still works!

Good luck!

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Im always sorry to hear things like this. With my first marrige my husband was insecure with himself and when I lost weight, it was a sign to him that things were shaky and our marriage lasted only a few months after that.

I think it depends solely on the 2 people involved in the relationship. My husband now is welcoming each and every day that I am losing weight and other than a couple of glitches is ok with me losing more weight. He says whatever makes me happy he is ok with.

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Well, DH has been wonderful about the weight loss, weight gain and weight loss again, so I can't complain. With this time has been new adventures for both of us and we are loving it!

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My husband (what is DH?) is very happy for me that I am losing the weight, however, he is paranoid as hell now. He knows, that in the 6 years we've been together, I have never and would never..compromise our marriage. I'd leave first before I did anything foolish.

In the same retrospect...I am worried. Daily I am dropping weight and inches and i am busting my ass too. I am discouraged at times when I see him not ever making an effort to join me or to even do anything but work, sleep, eat and.... He is 5ft 8inches (my shorty) and he's afraid to tell me his weight but I do believe it's about 260 or more. I am not the only one in here that needs to lose the weight.

For me personally, I am soo afraid that when i do hit my goal or on my way to it, I may want to surround myself more...with people that have the same lifestyle..Healthy and active.

I feel bad and this will sound horrible but, I am upset with him for not making some effort. As I bust my ass on the treadmill and have my Protein shakes, I see him in the living room eating a bag of cheetos and watching TV. I don't want to judge him because I know how it feels, and still feels, but at the same time, it breaks my heart to see that he's not with me..mentally on the weight loss goals.

Am I a bad person for thinking this?

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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