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I feel guilty :0(



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I'm new on here and have been reading for weeks. I'm scheduled for surgery on the 14th of jan!! I am having so many mixed emotions about it. I'm in Australia and am self funded and am paying $11,000 to have the band done.... But I am finding myself feeling really guilty about the spending that kind of money on myself when I figure I put myself in this position. I keep thinking that the money could better be spend on the whole family and that im being somewhat selfish!! Has anyone else felt like this??

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It will be well worth it to live longer for yourself and more so...for your family. You will not regret this if you are overweight. Will change many things including your health, energy, activities you do with people, shopping of course, and overall outlook on life.

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Hi and welcome. I'm in Australia too. I've lost 63kg and my family are thrilled (as am I!) I can now do whatever they are doing, and sometimes more. I am happier, healthier and they will have me around for a whole lot longer. It is definitely worth taking care of yourself, even if it does cost.

Good luck.

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You are giving yourself and your family the gift of a healthier mom and one that will be around longer and likely happier. This is a gift! Your health is a priority.

Good luck to you. I am sure it has been a challenging decision but well worth it.

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I'm new on here and have been reading for weeks. I'm scheduled for surgery on the 14th of jan!! I am having so many mixed emotions about it. I'm in Australia and am self funded and am paying $11,000 to have the band done.... But I am finding myself feeling really guilty about the spending that kind of money on myself when I figure I put myself in this position. I keep thinking that the money could better be spend on the whole family and that im being somewhat selfish!! Has anyone else felt like this??

You bet. I was self pay and felt exactly as you did several times during the journey...and on Tuesday I am spending about the same amount on a Tummy Tuck and breast lift....as a reward for losing 220 lbs. but now I get it... I invested in myself for the first time since I paid for my college education, sometimes I think this taught me more!!!

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This is a gift you're giving to your family.

They deserve a healthier you!

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The biggest struggle I have had making this decision is to pay out right or to get health insurance and wait the 1 year term or just bite the bullet and just go for it. My husband is very supportive and isn't concerned about the cost.... It's me!! I'm concerned that maybe my kids or him may have to go without some luxury items for me to do this. He understands but I am feeling mean!! I know that my quality of life will be a lot better in turn making it better for the whole family. This could just be part of my pre op nerves....... I don't know

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The biggest struggle I have had making this decision is to pay out right or to get health insurance and wait the 1 year term or just bite the bullet and just go for it. My husband is very supportive and isn't concerned about the cost.... It's me!! I'm concerned that maybe my kids or him may have to go without some luxury items for me to do this. He understands but I am feeling mean!! I know that my quality of life will be a lot better in turn making it better for the whole family. This could just be part of my pre op nerves....... I don't know

What would your family do without you? If you do not lose weight the odds are so not in your favor for a long life.,... This is a blip on the radar in the big picture.

You say it's not a cost issue so I am guessing have means and there will be more money for your family when they need it....it's just money...we make it every day.

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Exactly .. it is just money.. sometimes we all have to make sacrifices. This is not selfish in any way shape or form. Pre op.. I had all KINDS of mixed emotions.. crying.. happy.. anxious.. nervous.. you name it. After all was said and done, and I went through with it, It was the BEST decision I could have made for myself and my loved ones. They much rather have you around much longer than an IPAD or something superficial. I haven't felt this great in sooo long! Trust us.. and yourself.. you will not regret this. :) **hugs**!

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Hello! Believe me you should not feel guilty at all. Instead you should feel proud that you have taken a step in changing the way you feel about yourself and changing your future, your life. Just think of the money being spent on an investment on yourself that is going to make you proud. Because of that investment it should motivate you that much more to have successful weightloss. I wish you the best!!!

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Mine was $16k and I haven't had once ounce of guilt. When I started telling people, I told them that if I didn't do this, I would die, maybe not today or tomorrow, but certainly earlier than my friends or sister..........not much they can say about that.

Good luck.

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I'm new on here and have been reading for weeks. I'm scheduled for surgery on the 14th of jan!! I am having so many mixed emotions about it. I'm in Australia and am self funded and am paying 11' date='000 to have the band done.... But I am finding myself feeling really guilty about the spending that kind of money on myself when I figure I put myself in this position. I keep thinking that the money could better be spend on the whole family and that im being somewhat selfish!! Has anyone else felt like this??[/quote']

Hi mzmel, I'm an Aussie too. I have private health insurance, medibank private. I am out of pocket $4,300 which was paid to my Bariatric centre which covers every fill, unfill, appointment etc. I have with them for life.

I too initially felt guilty having to pay this extra out of pocket money. I ummed and arred about it for weeks. My husband had no problem with it. I no longer feel guilty for many reasons. I will no longer spend thousands on fad and other diets to loose weight and just keep failing. I had no health issues in relation to my weight but I was high risk to developing some of them. The amount of money I used to spend on food to stuff myself has decreased considerably, so I'm saving there.

I've only been banded about five and a half months and the improvement that its made to my life so far has no money value on it. I'm alive again, I now look in the mirror and finally recognize who I am and am supposed to be.

Sure you can wait another year till you qualify for health insurance but it will be another year wasted if you've decided the lapband is for you. Also the money you haven't paid out every year for health insurance you are using it now. So just think of it as having saved it for this purpose instead of paying that expensive bill every month.

Best wishes to you with whatever you decide.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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