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I don't know about all of you, but being fat was a dealbreaker for me getting involved in a relationship. I was so petrified of it that I was in complete denial about even wanting a relationship. Granted, it was easier to not want sex or love, but it doesn't compare to actually having it.

I was single for 10 years - pretty much since I started gaining weight. For a long time I considered myself asexual, avoided flirtations (I felt disgusting), and swore myself to a life of being a spinster or crazy cat lady.

I met someone online about 15 years ago. I sent him a picture when I was 16 (I'm 29 now), but nothing after that. We never met and he didn't know what I really looked like, although I knew what he looked like. We were friends over the years and always kept in close contact. Sometimes we drifted somewhat apart, like if we got too close and he started getting demanding (pics or meeting)... then I'd push him away again.

Years later.... I got the lapband and I lost weight. I finally agreed to meet him in the beginning of the year, after we started getting closer (because I finally emotionally opened up and blew away my denials and mental walls), and it couldn't have been more perfect. We're now engaged and I'm moving to Wisconsin in a couple months to live with him. He's been my best friend and really the person who has pushed me to open up and "get out of myself".

I was a person that never thought I'd get married, so my life has dramatically changed since the lapband and losing weight.

How has it changed you and your relationships?

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Thats awesome...what a great story. Congrats!!

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Wow! That's an awesome story! I can so relate to what you went through. I have a best friend too...but the difference is we have logged many hours of spending time together. We have always had a great connection, but I've never been open to taking it to the next level )(and I know it's because I was closed off and afraid).

It's funny that you use the word asexual because I've called myself that for years. Recently, my friend and I had a conversation and he was vey open about how he's wanted more for a long time. I'm still not in a place where I can totally open myself up,, but I am working in it. I loved reading about your journey, because it gives me hope for myself.

Congratulations and good luck with everything!

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That's a great story and congrats to your new life. I feel very sad that you didn't have love in your life for all those years. It's amazing how something so trivial as weight can have on someones life. Im sure that your guy would have loved you no matter what if he knew you that well.

Good luck on your move and new life!!

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I vote that you repost this story every day. I love success stories especially successful love stories.

tmf

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thats awsome ery happy for you congrats, i know what you mean about not opening up, i was so scared to tell people about the surgery when i first got it, including my bf, as we hadent been dating that long, and he was phisically fit, i was worried about how he would react. when i finnaly did tell him, it turns out i was right he was very negative and we broke up, since then i havent been in a relationship,almost 3 years too worried about how things will turn out. I notice changes as i work towards my goal weight, i just hope to gain the confidence and open up like you did

Congrats again

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I so know what you mean. I have had trouble always opening up. I constantly get told oh you have such a pretty face and well haha my body has just never caught up to that hype. So now that I've been banded and I will lose weight and be able to keep it off I am very confident that I will be able to allow myself to open up and be open with a guy! Being fat just puts a damper on things it's always like well yeh I don't really see you that way that garbage and me knowing good and well it is because I'm fat! Now everything is going to match up and I'm excited to find out what's ahead! :)

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I think thats one of the nicest NSV's i have ever read on this forum ... ( NSV= non scale victory !) i am so pleased for you that really confirms how life changing this surgery can be for some people .. great news !

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I think thats one of the nicest NSV's i have ever read on this forum ... ( NSV= non scale victory !) i am so pleased for you that really confirms how life changing this surgery can be for some people .. great news !

I agree best NSV to read about, good luck for the future to both of you !

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I am so glad that the confidence you gained through your weight loss journey helped you to open up. I can relate to a lot of the feelings you had about yourself. I think we get so used to being rejected, or ignored, that we close ourselves off to the possibility that we could find love. Your story gives me hope. Congrats to you and your fiance!

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great story congrats.

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Wow Holli that's an amazing sorry, congrats on your accomplishments and on your engagement. I with you much success...

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Congrats and best wishes!

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    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

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        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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