Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Relationships?



Recommended Posts

I don't know about all of you, but being fat was a dealbreaker for me getting involved in a relationship. I was so petrified of it that I was in complete denial about even wanting a relationship. Granted, it was easier to not want sex or love, but it doesn't compare to actually having it.

I was single for 10 years - pretty much since I started gaining weight. For a long time I considered myself asexual, avoided flirtations (I felt disgusting), and swore myself to a life of being a spinster or crazy cat lady.

I met someone online about 15 years ago. I sent him a picture when I was 16 (I'm 29 now), but nothing after that. We never met and he didn't know what I really looked like, although I knew what he looked like. We were friends over the years and always kept in close contact. Sometimes we drifted somewhat apart, like if we got too close and he started getting demanding (pics or meeting)... then I'd push him away again.

Years later.... I got the lapband and I lost weight. I finally agreed to meet him in the beginning of the year, after we started getting closer (because I finally emotionally opened up and blew away my denials and mental walls), and it couldn't have been more perfect. We're now engaged and I'm moving to Wisconsin in a couple months to live with him. He's been my best friend and really the person who has pushed me to open up and "get out of myself".

I was a person that never thought I'd get married, so my life has dramatically changed since the lapband and losing weight.

How has it changed you and your relationships?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thats awesome...what a great story. Congrats!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow! That's an awesome story! I can so relate to what you went through. I have a best friend too...but the difference is we have logged many hours of spending time together. We have always had a great connection, but I've never been open to taking it to the next level )(and I know it's because I was closed off and afraid).

It's funny that you use the word asexual because I've called myself that for years. Recently, my friend and I had a conversation and he was vey open about how he's wanted more for a long time. I'm still not in a place where I can totally open myself up,, but I am working in it. I loved reading about your journey, because it gives me hope for myself.

Congratulations and good luck with everything!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a great story and congrats to your new life. I feel very sad that you didn't have love in your life for all those years. It's amazing how something so trivial as weight can have on someones life. Im sure that your guy would have loved you no matter what if he knew you that well.

Good luck on your move and new life!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I vote that you repost this story every day. I love success stories especially successful love stories.

tmf

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thats awsome ery happy for you congrats, i know what you mean about not opening up, i was so scared to tell people about the surgery when i first got it, including my bf, as we hadent been dating that long, and he was phisically fit, i was worried about how he would react. when i finnaly did tell him, it turns out i was right he was very negative and we broke up, since then i havent been in a relationship,almost 3 years too worried about how things will turn out. I notice changes as i work towards my goal weight, i just hope to gain the confidence and open up like you did

Congrats again

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I so know what you mean. I have had trouble always opening up. I constantly get told oh you have such a pretty face and well haha my body has just never caught up to that hype. So now that I've been banded and I will lose weight and be able to keep it off I am very confident that I will be able to allow myself to open up and be open with a guy! Being fat just puts a damper on things it's always like well yeh I don't really see you that way that garbage and me knowing good and well it is because I'm fat! Now everything is going to match up and I'm excited to find out what's ahead! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think thats one of the nicest NSV's i have ever read on this forum ... ( NSV= non scale victory !) i am so pleased for you that really confirms how life changing this surgery can be for some people .. great news !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think thats one of the nicest NSV's i have ever read on this forum ... ( NSV= non scale victory !) i am so pleased for you that really confirms how life changing this surgery can be for some people .. great news !

I agree best NSV to read about, good luck for the future to both of you !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so glad that the confidence you gained through your weight loss journey helped you to open up. I can relate to a lot of the feelings you had about yourself. I think we get so used to being rejected, or ignored, that we close ourselves off to the possibility that we could find love. Your story gives me hope. Congrats to you and your fiance!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

great story congrats.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow Holli that's an amazing sorry, congrats on your accomplishments and on your engagement. I with you much success...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congrats and best wishes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×