First post for me here. I've been lurking and reading randomly, including the entire "Why are YOU Fat?" thread, which had me sobbing -- I could relate to quite a bit of it.

I've been overweight pretty much my whole life and downright fat for almost ten years. (I'm 5'4", 235 lbs, so roughly 100 lbs overweight and 40 BMI.)

My mother was a health-food nut who didn't allow white sugar, white flour and many other "junk" foods in our household. She was extremely controlling about our food intake. Naturally junk food became the forbidden fruit and all of my adult life I have struggled with binging on certain foods (crackers, Cookies, ice cream). The thought of eating one Cheez-It and stopping is almost unthinkable. I'm likely to eat half a box. So I try not to keep such items in the house.

Usually I eat a very healthy diet -- but too much of it. I eat almost no junk food or fast food because I know it's unhealthy and also I don't want to start a binge. But I consistently overeat "good" foods.

There are many obese people in my family, including a beloved grandmother who helped me through a very tough childhood. I love to cook and eat. My very wonderful husband loves to cook and eat. Almost his entire family is obese. They are all fantastic cooks and their lifestyle revolves around food. I have gained 65 pounds in the 10 years I've been with my husband. (I would love to blame his family's evil influence, but no one was forcing all that delicious food down my throat!)

My sister-in-law was banded about 2 years ago and despite being the most totally noncompliant patient imaginable (she lives on a 100% junk food diet, knows exactly how to get around her band and does so deliberately) she has lost 65-75 lbs, down from 300. Quite frankly this gives me hope!

I'm fortunate in having no diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc, but I do have very bad knees that impact my life a great deal. We travel a lot and I'm always in pain because of the additional walking that entails. I've been told I will have to have total knee replacement in both knees eventually.

I'm about 95% convinced that I need to get banded, but the decision is really wreaking havoc on me emotionally. I told my husband I wanted to do it, and he's very supportive. But since I decided, I've been crying non-stop. I'm just racked with a mishmash of emotions and thoughts:

- denial (hey, I'm not THAT fat, am I?), but this is fading fast now that my BMI is 40

- wondering if I've "tried hard enough" yet, even though I've been dieting for more than 25 years (Weight Watchers, low-carb, low-fat) and always lose a little, gain a lot more back

- self-hatred for allowing things to get to the point that I have to seek surgery

- fear that it won't work (and just plain fear of surgery, pain, etc)

- stress over trying to find the right surgeon and aftercare

- probably some residual emotional crap to do with my bad childhood and its relationship with my obesity, which I really don't want to deal with

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has gone through this. Please tell me I'm not! :nervous

Thanks for "listening." It feels good to get it all out there.

Mary

Boy, I wish I lived in a town that was big enough to HAVE lap band support group....

You and me both! There aren't any Lap-Band surgeons within a 90 minute drive of me, either.

re: support group

I gotta tell ya, I live in a small rural town....and it was an HOUR for me EACH DIRECTION just to get to the meeting....

Me too - being in the Boston area, it takes anywhere from 60-90 minutes to get to the meeting (though only 55 mins to get home).

Do what you can, but see if you can find a group that you could go to, or again, as Jack suggested, start your own - if you're being banded, other people in the area must have been banded.

Hey Mary; (and all of the other newbies out there)

I so can relate to your post... right down to the husband that cooks... to some degree, I guess all of us can relate. That's the beauty of this site. Even though we are miles apart, our experiences bring us to the same place with the same conclusion - something has to be done.

This Morbid Obesity business has to be stopped - and right now. I came to this conclusion after I had a little epiphany one day. I have venous stasis - and I was compression wrapping my legs for like the 25th day in a row, and it suddenly hit me... I will have to do this every day for the rest of my life. That really sucks. I am only 40 yrs old, and the rest of my life is a long time... That REALLY sucks. So, if I have this problem at the tender age of 40, what the heck is going to happen to me as I hit 50 or 60? Will I even get that far? EEEEK!

So, I started re-searching the RNY procedure and stumbled upon the band. Thank God.

I can tell you that I had surgery about a month ago. I am all healed up and I have zero restriction - as I am not scheduled for a fill until after March 20. EVEN eating anything I want to (although more slowly) I have lost a few pounds. This crazy band thing really works.

All of my scars are healing nicely - and since I kept them covered for as long as my surgeon would let me, they are fairly flat and not scabbed or very itchy. After only a month, my PCP had to do a double take, cause she just thought I had scratched myself. The port scar, the biggest one, is only about an inch long - and not even very red. I expect that after 5-6 mos, they will be barely noticeable. The smaller scars will probably disappear entirely.

I have been going to the gym at least 2-3 times a week - but just for 30-45 minutes of cardio to keep the blood pumping. That is probably the only reason I am losing weight, to be honest - but, I don't think I would be gaining, even if I didn't exercise. I just wouldn't lose. I haven't been scarfing pizza every night - I have been trying not to go insane - but neither have I been on anything that could be called a Diet.

So, if you make a minimum effort with the band - you get a minimum result. If you make a bigger effort, you get a bigger result.

I hope that you can overcome your emotional state... We all had that "what if" thing going on - but I kept thinking this - I may die on the table, but I could also be hit by a bus on my way home from work. It's worth the risk to have hope of getting control over my eating. It's so worth it.

I am happy with my 2-3 pounds - because I know that I can do better than I have done. I am not in any hurry, yet. Another beauty of the band is that it will wait for me to be ready to work - and then it will work with me.

Good luck in your decisions!!

Mary, along with Jack, I HIGHLY encourage you to start attending some of the local LapBand Support meetings.

Jack and Jill (ha), I do think this is a good suggestion and I want you to know I'm not dismissing it at all. I will definitely seek the support I need -- whether it be one-on-one therapy, a bandsters group, this board or (most likely) all of the above.

It's frustrating to me that I live 12 minutes from a city of 500,000 people, which is hardly Hicksville, and there is a top-rated WLS practice there, but they don't do Lap-Band. (How ridiculous is that?!)

Today I reserved a spot at a surgeon's seminar on Lap-Band, to be held later this month. His practice is 90 minutes away.

The most experienced Lap-Band surgeon in my state is 2 1/2 hours away. 5 hours of driving every time I need a fill or follow-up? Seems crazy.

However, I refuse to use the inconvenience as an excuse. I'm lucky enough to own my own business, so my "boss" is just going to have to give me the time off!

Mary

I can tell you that I had surgery about a month ago. I am all healed up and I have zero restriction - as I am not scheduled for a fill until after March 20. EVEN eating anything I want to (although more slowly) I have lost a few pounds. This crazy band thing really works.

Thanks for sharing your positive experience. It really is great to hear. I'm so glad for you and hope things keep going wonderfully!

Hi, I too have been having emotional battles concerning getting banded. I am scheduled to get my band in Tijuana on 3/18/06, and I was asking myself "Am I taking the easy way out? Why can't you just exercise like most people?" But I realized one thing obesity is a disease! And all disease processes need a treament, not just a bandaid like some of these other diets that I have been on. My other battle is what am I going to tell people when they ask why I am losing so much weight? I can't decide if I want others to know that I have been banded? I guess it's because it will look like I took the easy way out! I don't know which way to go with this, can someone help or relate?

Kaffenoire

Is anyone having surgery in T.J. on 3/18/06 with Dr. Kuri? I will be having surgery then and would like to meet others who may be having surgery that day.