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Dating And Self Disclosure



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I'm in a new dilemma. Weight loss, new fabulous me. I'm wondering when to disclose about band. I'm not ashamed o being banded but I don't walk around singing from te mountain tops.

My issue is like today: I went on a lunch date and even though was hungry I managed to get down 3 cheese sticks and couple sips of tea. I was full as a tick. My date noticed I didn't eat much and that I don't drink from straws. He's like you need to eat next time we go out and I'm like "I don't eat alot" I just had fill 2 wks ago and I am really tight some days.

What to do fellow bandsters?

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Good question and I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you! Sadly, I haven't been on a date since being banded, but have often thought about what to do in that situation. Maybe for the next date you could plan something that doesn't involve eating? Some sort of sport or activity?

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why not just tell them the truth? If the person wants to see you again for another date he might wonder why you don't eat like "everyone else". Sometimes a little chat is all it takes.

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Are you able to eat 3 oz of solid Protein? If not you are too tight. In general I would say decline apps and just get a small meal or order an app AS your meal.

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Are you able to eat 3 oz of solid Protein? If not you are too tight. In general I would say decline apps and just get a small meal or order an app AS your meal.

great idea.

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I can eat a small meal but I've been banded 18 mos and when I'm premenstrual band tightens and doc says that's normal swelling. It usually passes.

The app was my meal. I think I'm gone tell him soon b/c we are going out again this wknd.

Just wondering

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he will wonder if you get to the point that he touches you. the port feels odd.

you have lost so much weight, I'd share!

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I dont tell anyone I am banded. I also try to keep it from any new boyfriends for a long as possible just because it is my body and do we need to tell them of all allergies, food preferences etc? No? Well ok then carry on.

When I go out for meals, if it is something that is hard to eat I have a tea before or something to help open me up. I try to choose places that have more sliders ( like curry) or Soups so I can fill up on those.

Since I am 20 lbs from my goal weight and on the high side of a healthy BMI I can say I eat like a bird and its ok. I also tend to use oh im not that hungry excuse or try to share a meal.

If I go out some meal ideas are salads, Soups, curry, high in veggie meals, etc. The thing that works the best for me to get outta stares is sharing meals.

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I would wait. I don't feel like it should ruin the relationship at all. But get it out there see how he feels maybe he will be ur biggest supporter. Good luck

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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