First let me say that this forum has been great. I've not posted much but I've read until the wee hours of night, many times. With that, I'm proud to say that I've finally made the decision to go through with surgery. I've gotten my date for Feb. 28th with Dr. Kuri. Here's the problem...... NOW I'M NOT SURE!! I know that with any kind of surgery there can be risks, I know that this is life altering, I know the positives far out weigh the negatives. But...... ever since I've gotten my date, I have a hard time being excited. I have litteraly talked myself into believing that I'm happy with the way that I am. I'm 29 5'6" and weigh 300lbs........ I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful 2 year old daughter, a house, stay at home mom, supportive family. What more could I want??? I don't really have to face my weight issues, I pretty much stay in my house. My husband, who is skinny, loves me no matter what. I know I'm somewhat of a recluse (sp?) I think I'm scared of being successful. What if I don't like myself skinny??? Am I crazy??? I'm comfortable with who I am.... but I'm not happy. If I do get the surgery, I just know that I'm going to be one of those ones that will get erosion, pb all the time, can't get the right fill. ARRRGH!! I am a positive person, I know it doesn't sound like it. But I just can't understand why I am doubting this so much now that I got my band date. I know everyone has gone through doubt, but I'm actually trying to find any and every excuse to cancel my surgery. SO FAR NOTHING!!

Has anybody else had these feelings?

Thanks for listening, you guys are awesome.

Oh yeah, I talked myself out of it very quickly, the thought of living without my little comfort foods and the like, I just couldnt face it. I feared I would be one of the few to fail with the band, I feared the surgery, I felt guilty at appropriating money that my family could use for what was really a vanity operation as my health wasnt bad and I convinced myself my ankle problem was not a result of my weight.

Trouble is, I knew deep down that I had really begun to feel my excess weight in the past year or so and that my condition wasnt static. It was going to worsen if I didnt face up to it and do something. So I really had to bite the bullet and make myself go and see a surgeon (I cancelled initial appointments with 2 surgeons twice). I was almost taken aback that he really didnt even question me, afterall I had a BMI of 35, but he saw all my reasons as entirely appropriate and told me to give him my final answer after the information evening. It was the information evening that convinced me, the sheer statistical futility of trying to lose 36kg and keep it off was confronting.

So I did it, six and a bit weeks ago and I havent had a moment's trouble or one single regret since.

I nearly talked myself out of the surgery as well ... I think subconsciously, because I was scared that it would be another "diet plan" I'd fail at. Maybe even because I felt secure in my fat.

Ten months post banding though and I couldn't be happier that I made the decision.

We all have our internal demons before this and if you weren't nervous, that would be cause for concern. Only you know if this is the right option for you, but I can honestly tell you that my quality of life has increased tremendously since being banded.

I wish you luck with your decision and if you need to vent/ask questions/etc, we're all here

Yes, I remember the sad feelings. Especially when I was walking into the operating room. I looked at my Dh and said WTF am I doing to myself... Then right before they gave me that stuff to put you to sleep, I prayed to Jesus to be with me..... It was amazing b/c that very instant I had a peacefull feeling and I remembered why I was doing it.... My little girl. I could not be the Mommy she needed at the weight I was. My little girl needed a healthy happy Mom and thats what she was going to get.

I realized I was not living but just surviving.

Today, 3 months out... I'm so happy I did it.

It is scary and its normal to feel that way.... Hang on, you've come this far and the results are sweeter than any cake you can put in your mouth.

Hugs !!!!

Jacqui, I'm doing the same thing.

I am about ready to set a surgery date and I am having the same fears and doubts as you are. But I'm not healthy, I'm also 42. SO take a look at my thread here called "Scared after taking a Walk". You don't want to wait until your as bad off as I am.

In any case, even so, like you I cancelled appointments too. I totally understand. Thank God we have support where people can hold our hand, even if it is over the Internet.

One thing you might want to consider...

The lap band is not as dramatic as I thought it would be. The surgery didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, the recovery was easier than I thought it would be, and I can eat way more than I thought I would be able to.

Now, I don't think I have proper restriction yet (I've just had my first fill) but my life has not changed all that dramatically yet. I was scared that I'd wake up from surgery and EVERYTHING would be different right away. I understand that life changes a lot when you lose weight, and those who were banded a couple years ago are very different than they used to be. But it's so slow with the band that you have plenty of opportunity to get used to it.

So don't think that life will be THAT different when you're banded. In fact, before you get a fill it's almost like nothing ever happened to you.

Just my opinion...hoping to alleviate anxiety

said my eyes flew open and the first words out of my mouth were "THANK GOD I WOKE UP!" That truly is my biggest fear and I think that’s everyone’s fear.

LOL

You sound just like me after I had my gallbladder out in August, and yes that is my biggest fear getting this surgery done.

That's how nervous I was then too, but I think I'll be even more nervous now because I know when I wake up, my life is changed.

I don't really have to face my weight issues, I pretty much stay in my house.

Well, there are weight issues that involve the house, and there are weight issues that involve the hospital. Cosmetics & self-esteem are one thing, health and productivity are another. Which matter most to you?

Not that I would advocate LB as the only option. There are lots of options out there. But you got this far, so I assume you've already decided that of those options, this is the best for you.

Hon, you are not quite 30 and you weigh 300 lbs... I only WISH there had been LapBand surgery available to me when I was 30.

Ask yourself some questions - and be as honest as you can.

1) Do you have the stamina to play with your two year old like you want to? Can you chase that baby around the house without gasping for air?

2) Can you have sex with your wonderful husband as much as/they way that you want to?

3) How much weight did you gain during pregnancy? Planning on having more children?

If you aren't 100% happy with your answers to those questions - don't wait. Take a chance on a better life. You can still have more children and gain less weight doing it, with the Band.

Trust me, Ten years and another 65 lbs down the road, it doesn't get any better - and your body deteriorates over time. Diet & Exercise (the "traditional weightloss method") get much harder with age.

Don't wait until your youth is truly gone and you have Venous Stasis or Adult Onset Diabetes or High Blood Pressure...or any of the other myriad of things that can happen to overweight people. Your risk of death from heart failure is probably higher right now than your risk of dying from this surgery - even at 29 yrs old - even if your ekg is normal.

I am nervous, sure. But I have another ten years of experience living in this spongy sHell - I KNOW the potential benefits far outweigh the potential risks.

And what are you going to do when you are 40 and your daughter is 12 and she wants you to play soccer or baseball with her? If not for yourself, then do it for your family. They deserve the joy of a happier, healthier Mom.

Hugs!!

I totally agree with everything that ReneBean said. I am 52 and had my surgery on 11-21-05. My starting weight was 357 now I'm 8-weeks out, lose 31#, now 321. I had 1st fill last week of 1.4. I wish that I could have done this when my children were young so that I could have done more with them when I homeschooled them. My arthritis is now so bad I most likely will have to have knee replacement. I had a long hard fight with my insurance but finially, PTL God open the doors and I had to totally trust in Him that I had to walk through that door. I don't regret not having it sooner, but it would have been nice. My 3 children are all in college and are very excited for me. Good Luck

I can give you just about the same story as the rest. From crying over the thought of losing my precious comfort food, to the fear of not being soft, cuddly, me anymore. I persisted thru the fears for one reason. I want to live.. really live! Im sick of settling for an existance inside my house. I'm sick of being pissed off about how I look. I'm sick of feeling like it's time to give up and accept what life dealt me. Bah! Am I still afraid of the future? Do I miss my foods? Do I still wonder if Ive done the right thing? Yep, I sure do. But Ive made an agreement with myself that you might find helpful. I told myself that when I weigh 130 pounds and look 20 years younger, I'll decide whether or not to have the band taken out so I can trade in health, self confidence, mobility, and a happy spirit for all the foods that took those things from me. If I dont like being thin and healthy, then I can choose to go back to 307 pounds and living in my house with aching feet, knees and hips, while pressing onward to diabetes and a young death. And you know what? I have a feeling I already know what my choice will be.. dont you? *smiles*

Hang in there, go for it, we all faced the same fears. They are just the same lies that got us in this unhappy, unhealthy state we are in today.

My date is 2/2 and I completely related to what you're going through. It's like I wake up in someone elses life and they're going to have WLS. Kind of weird. I am normally wishy-washy when it comes to big decisions, but even more so with this one. My husband has been consistently encouraging me, though, when I say, "maybe I'll try WW again." He just looks at me and tells me that in 5 years I'm going to wish I did it when I was younger. I appreciate that because he's keeping me out my biggest obstacle which is fear. So lately, I have been focusing on the great things that are going happen as a result of this small procedure.

A friend recently shared with me that a monkey must let go of the branch behind him in order to grab the one in front of them and keep moving. For a happier life, I'm letting that back branch go, grabbing the branch with the band on it and keep on going! You can too!

Kelli