My husband died 2 1/2 yrs ago and I had LAP-BAND® surgery 15 months ago. I've had no sex (with a person!) since DH died. Now I've lost 60 lbs and I'm flabby and lumpy everywhere. Recently have gotten reacquainted via internet with an old friend. Things are getting steamy fast and I'm scared to death. For starters, I'm not the young, slim thing I was back then. He's not young either. No big deal there. However, I'm worried sick that we'll get together (we're in the same state) and at some point I'll "need" to take my clothes off. Has anyone else confronted this issue? Also, does feeling the port below your skin turn the guys off? Does it hurt in the port area to have sex in the missionary position? I haven't even told him about the surgery. I'm such a coward. Any help?

Oh, Humming Bird, things ARE going great. We've emailed back and forth (I recently retired; he's semi-retired) throughout today and he's never said one word about my surgery or my weight. I guess Spartan was right - it's totally a non-issue and I'm so relieved. Anyway, we're taking a big step tonight -- we're going to actually TALK on the phone. It's been 35 years since I've heard this man's voice and I'm like a school girl, I'm so excited. I guess you can gather that we were more than just casual friends in college. This is so much fun.

You're going to TALK to him????

Do people still DO that?

I thought that communication these days was relegated to chat rooms, forums, texts, and emails......

Seriously, though....I love hearing stories like this. How neat would it be if you guys could actually get together after all these years.

Just one more reason to love the internet. I have been able to re-connect with old friends from all over the world, from many different times periods in my life.

So, please keep us posted on what happens.....we've all worked hard to make sure you get laid.....:frown:...(sorry)....

S.

Yeah, I'm really going to talk to him. I know that's a foreign concept to some of you youngsters out there. . . . . As for getting laid, right now I'm not too worried about it. Hearing last night how concerned he is about HIS appearance was such a relief and I think we're going to take it slow. The conversation might get steamy (probably will), but the actions will be slow. I do appreciate your help in this matter of getting me laid, however. Obviously, I need all the help I can get. - - - - Pam

I am so happy for you! Reading this really put a smile on my face this morning. Life takes so many turns over the years and it's too short to not have some fun here and there. It sounds like you had some rough times but now have several things to feel good about. Celebrate the fact that you had WLS and the fact you have this friend to have good communication and fun talk with.

Just thought I'd tell everyone that my friend and I have talked on the phone 3 or 4 times. We have decided to take it slow for now since he is as apprehensive as I am. So, I don't have to worry about all the flabby belly, etc. for now and, since I told him about my surgery, if he ever does come across my port, he'll know what it is. Again, thanks to everyone for their encouragement and support. I don't think I could have told him without you guys.

Pam

You look wonderful and you know what? He's probably a little lumpy too. If he treats you well and provides the kind companionship you enjoy, just go with it. If he asks about weight loss...tell him. If disrespects you for that...KICK 'EM TO THE CURB! I hope you have renewed an old friendship that becomes whatever you want it to be. Happiness to you!

Well, thank you so much, David314, for the wonderful compliment and words of encouragement. That's very sweet of you.

Pam

Hi Pam, just wondering how you are? After reading the past posts I want to know if you guys have met yet?

Hi Soexcited. I'm doing great. To answer your question - No, we haven't met face-to-face yet. But we have talked on the phone almost every day in the last week and have talked about where to meet. We're in the same state, but he lives over 300 miles from me so we're talking about meeting somewhere in the middle - just for lunch or dinner. It seems like a long way to go for just lunch, but we're neither one ready to be intimate yet. I feel sure we'll get there eventually and, at least when we do, he already knows about my WLS and won't freak out if he feels my port. :smile2:

Pam

Hi! So I will tell you that I met my husband on line. We chatted on line first then every day for hours and hours. We lived about 100 miles apart, somehow we made it work and were married 11 months after we met. We have been married 7 years now & he is my soul mate. Dont worry about the physical part, if it is right it is right, no matter what we look like.

Pam, this little bit in the Denver Post today made me think of you. This guy is engaged and has not told anyone including the gal he is going to marry.

let's see if I can make a link work: It's time to divulge weight-loss success secret to fiance' - The Denver Post

I had to add something to this! Back when I lost the majority of my weight, and had this sack of skin hanging where my belly was supposed to be---I was whining about it to my husband. I said "would you look at this it is disgusting!" He said to me....across the bed...."well let me grab my glasses if there is something you want me to see."

So.......just take away his glasses!!!

This is my husband. A man I dated (and actually lived with a short while!!) when I was in my 20's and in a size 7. Then lost touch with, and reunited with when we were both divorced, and I was almost 300 pounds, and a size 22/24!!! We did a long distance thing for 2 years! Then ended up together, married, and years into the marriage, I began discussing WLS. He seemed to run hot and cold, I could never tell if he supported it or not. Finally one night we were sitting in the lawn swing and he unloaded his feelings!!! He told me it is hard for him, if he encourages me to have surgery, it can be taken that he would not accept me as I was. If he did not act excited, it come accross as he was against it.......

So keep in mind your new friend, will have similar issues, not wanting it to be the center of conversation!!!

Good Luck, may you find years of happiness!!!

Just reading all of the threads now. Thanks so much Pam for your story. I hope to find that "someone" soon as well...and hopefully he is just as understanding.

I'll be anxiously waiting for updates :thumbup: