So, I was at work and there is a girl here who works out religiously every single day, she watches everything she eats and she had liposuction a few years ago to get rid of her excess weight that she couldn't lose. Ok cool, right? When I told her I was getting the band, she said she was totally supportive. I was happy about that.

Fast forward to today. Me and another co-worker were in my office chatting about my pre-op diet because we're going walking at lunch. The girl walks by and I asked her real quick about how many calories she takes in a day.

Her response to me - "I don't think you're ready for this band. You're going to be miserable."

WTH? Then she proceeds to tell me that I should have tried everything else first. That it hasn't been enough time. Are you kidding me? I've worked with her for four months and she is telling me this why?

I was taken aback. I mean, seriously? She doesn't know my medical history or my diet routine. I told her about how I have done weight watchers and diets only to gain it back. That I've lost the 40+ lbs before, only to gain 50+ back. That I need something to keep me stable. That before I would deny myself everything and then go crazy one day and eat everything I could. The band allows me to have things - in SMALL portions. It will help me from being hungry all the time.

I've been doing good on my pre-op diet, and even my family doctor last night said she thought I was the perfect candidate for it because she's seen me succeed before.

I'm just so hurt right now. :frown: She's like "Well, I'm not trying to talk you out of it but I think you should just wait a year or so and try something else and make the lifestyle change first. I did the lifestyle change. You can do the lifestyle change. You don't need a band to make you do it."

I'm already making the changes. I don't get it. :frown:

Anyone else have people who say things like this? I have had three people basically "shame" me over this decision, which are three people that I thought would be supportive. Sigh...

I hate this. :frown:

I think, like some others, that our improvement of ourselves is a threat to others, especially to friends of the same gender who are "smaller" than us. Its quite powerful to be the "cute one" the "hot one" when standing next to their heavy friend and getting the guys attention. I was always ideal weight until I had my 1st child 16 yrs ago. I know both sides well. Getting the attention and the flip side of that.... "girl are you gaining more weight?" Now that I am heavy, I know that I am seen as the non-threating, safe friend who is there to hear "you" talk abt how you want to lose 5 lbs. Poor you.

But God forbid I want to lose anything then its armeggedon. Thats when I really woke up to the fact that some people are trully self serving and its time for me to serve myself. We deserve to be healthy whichever way we choose to. I decided I am worth it.

I had my father say something to me this morning that was beyond hurtful. He said I needed to take the picture downstairs and that is what I need to look like. The picture...is of me when I was 17 at prom. HELLO>>>>I will be 40 this year!! Why in the HECK would I want to look the same as when I was 17?? It really hurt. I just turned and said to him, I want to be healthy not 17 years old again. I don't need that kind of pressure. Now I wonder if he is going to constantly say these things to me making me feel like a failure before I have even begun. My mom tried to stick up for me and tell him that was mean but he just started talking louder and louder and saying it over and over. Ok, so my dad is 73 and jogs 5 miles a day and exercises over an hour every single day. I am not my dad, obviously. He has never said anything to me about my weight EVER until I started considering surgery now he says things like you used to be pretty and once you lose weight you will be a knock out. It hurts....

I"ll be blunt.. she's an idiot! I find that my co workers have been very supportive and many know people who have had it done and 2 very thin people told me they had the lap band. I'm doing this for myself!!! My health and ME. So, if she was to say that to me I probably would have been pretty verbal to her. Hang in there... WE can do anything

My best friend told me I was taking the easy way out...easy? Not on your life! Now, when I meet someone who comeas across like this I just say I'm doing this to gain health not to lose weight! What are they gonna say? LOL So far it's worked every time!

Keep the good folks close and ignore the idiots!!!

Thanks Ladybug51 for the inspiration. I too know I will be faced with those saying Im taking the "easy" way out. But I know in my heart that I am doing this for ME and only ME. I have to develop the mentality to ignore their idiotic comments. Thanks for the inspiration.:scared2:

Good response: "Don't judge until you walk a mile in my moccasins." Easy way out???? Hahaha.....

This is such an awesome thread!! Glad to know I am not the only one that has been dealing with donkeys!

At first, I had planned on not telling many people about it. My mom, husband, and 2 managers. I only told my managers because 1 of them is my best friend, and the other is the one that has to approve my time off work. I didn't want anyone else at work knowing because they love to run off at the mouth. And, one of the guys wrote "Malysa is a pig" on the table in the break area. I really didn't want him knowing about it! (Jerk!!) I explained to my managers that I wasn't going to tell anyone about it, and they both promised to keep my secret. Well... One of them lied! He is dating a girl in the kitchen there, and of course, he told her, and she told the biggest mouth in there. Needless to say, pretty much everyone knows now. At first, it bothered me pretty bad, but then I decided that it didn't matter what any of them said behind my back, or thought about me and what I am doing. I am getting the band for me, so eff what they think!!

So far, none of them have said too much about it except for reminding me how hard it is going to be- How sick I'll be- and how much loose skin I will have :scared2:/

One lady asked me why I didn't just push the plate away. I wanted to snap on her SO bad, but I was good, and didn't. I simply told her that if it was that easy, everyone would be skinny, and that she needed to think before she spoke. If she couldn't manage avoiding comments like that, then she need not speak to me!

SO! Point is, no matter what you do, someone will have something negative to say. The thing to remember is that you aren't doing the surgery for anyone other than yourself. If someone doesn't support you, then politely ask them to keep their negativity to themselves!~

This is such an awesome thread!! Glad to know I am not the only one that has been dealing with donkeys!

At first, I had planned on not telling many people about it. My mom, husband, and 2 managers. I only told my managers because 1 of them is my best friend, and the other is the one that has to approve my time off work. I didn't want anyone else at work knowing because they love to run off at the mouth. And, one of the guys wrote "Malysa is a pig" on the table in the break area. I really didn't want him knowing about it! (Jerk!!) I explained to my managers that I wasn't going to tell anyone about it, and they both promised to keep my secret. Well... One of them lied! He is dating a girl in the kitchen there, and of course, he told her, and she told the biggest mouth in there. Needless to say, pretty much everyone knows now. At first, it bothered me pretty bad, but then I decided that it didn't matter what any of them said behind my back, or thought about me and what I am doing. I am getting the band for me, so eff what they think!!

So far, none of them have said too much about it except for reminding me how hard it is going to be- How sick I'll be- and how much loose skin I will have :o/

One lady asked me why I didn't just push the plate away. I wanted to snap on her SO bad, but I was good, and didn't. I simply told her that if it was that easy, everyone would be skinny, and that she needed to think before she spoke. If she couldn't manage avoiding comments like that, then she need not speak to me!

SO! Point is, no matter what you do, someone will have something negative to say. The thing to remember is that you aren't doing the surgery for anyone other than yourself. If someone doesn't support you, then politely ask them to keep their negativity to themselves!~

Im glad Im not the only one that feels this way. I know I am making the right choice for me its just that people are so quick to judge when they know nothing about you. As they say, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say nothing at all. I will have to inform HR and have told a very close friend but other than my immediate family I dont plan on telling anyone.:thumbup:

I feel for you. Anyone who has never had a weight issue just wont get it.

There are a group in my office that are die hard gym people and wont eat anything bad...but they are also miserable and feed on each other. I chose to NOT tell anyone because I knew they may (and I say may) say something nice to my face to be professional but behind my back they would be mean. Plus I knew they wouldnt think I lost the with myself.

What they dont get is how hard we still have to work even after having the band. Nor do they care because people like this are self absorbed. IGNORE THEM!!!! This is for you!!

You should have told her this isnor different than her getting liposuction. She didnt make that much of a lifestyle change if she had enough fat for that!!!!! :thumbup:

This is why I'm not telling anyone. If I could do it without even telling DW, I would. I don't need support, and I don't want people taking up space in my brain with negative vibes.

First I must say that those that believe that this is the "easy way out" are ignorant. I have surgery on May 4, 2010 and I know this has not been a cake walk. One of the hardest journeys I have undergone. I want this done so that I can live longer than two years that the doctor gave me due to history of pulmonary embolism, high blood pressure, osteo-arthritis. My sister-in-law asked me yesterday if I am going to half to go through another surgery to have all the extra skin removed. How dare her. I told her I am not doing this for the looks. I told why would I have to do that, I have already lost 36 inches and nothing hanging yet. I have been exercising and like where I am going. My blood pressure is better everyday and I feel more alive.

I found this quote. I hope it helps. Knowledge is power.

"Morbid obesity (defined as a body-mass index of 40+. or about 100 pounds over ideal body weight) is a chronic, lifelong disease of excessive fat storage with highly significant medical, psychological and physical co-morbidities."

I myself have let everyone around me know. It has helped when one gets out of line there is someone out there to put them back into place.

Cindy

eh, I did have it done for the looks. and the health benefits. they are not mutually exclusive. people ask questions because they are curious and/or concerned. we all say stupid things sometimes. there isn't any reason to be so defensive and take such offence. You have probably said rude things too, and NEVER MEANT TO, either.

eta: and I will need surgery to remove excess skin and to put my boobs back where they belong.

I guess I must be one of those "ignorant" "idots".

I do think it is the easy way out and it is no where even close to the hardest thing I have done or been through in my life.

eh, I did have it done for the looks. and the health benefits. they are not mutually exclusive. people ask questions because they are curious and/or concerned. we all say stupid things sometimes. there isn't any reason to be so defensive and take such offence. You have probably said rude things too, and NEVER MEANT TO, either.

eta: and I will need surgery to remove excess skin and to put my boobs back where they belong.

My apology for sounding defensive. We have a difference of opinion. Yes we do ask questions and are curious, that is human nature.

I have been overweight for over 25 years. I am not even 40 and have encounter health issues that have almost taken my life. The medication given to me by doctors caused me to gain 80 pounds in 3 years. The damage to my lungs that prevented me from exercising took me to a mind frame of acceptance. I have plenty of excuses that I can use but choose not to accept the inevitable. Therefore, what I am saying is that in my situation, I am not having surgery and losing weight for the "looks." It is going to be a benefit of hard work and dedication.

For "You have probably said rude things too, and NEVER MEANT TO, either." My parents taught me to think before I say anything. My integrity keeps me from saying hurtful things. And my sensitivity to other people's feelings helps me to not say rude things. I am not perfect by no means, but I do know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

"eta: and I will need surgery to remove excess skin and to put my boobs back where they belong."

I really do hope the best for you. That you are able to achieve the look that you want. You must have been there before and know what you want to get back to. I am really happy for you. Best Wishes to you and your journey. :thumbup:

I have to admit that probably 65% of my wanting to lose weight is attributed to wanting to look better. If I eventually make it my goal weight, and sustain it for a long enough period of time, I will definitely look into getting a tummy tuck and maybe a boobie lift.

While heath concerns are a big part of my decision, when I think about the end, I don't think so much about being healthy- I think about looking and feeling better, and being more confident.

However, that being said, I definitely get offended when someone makes a snide comment about my weight, or me having the surgery. I have dealt with quiet a few people that are rude as hell- They have had lots to do with my motivation to get the surgery. I want to get to looking better, so I can walk past them proudly, and know that they are eating their words.

I would never say something to someone to intentionally hurt their feelings, but I am sure I have said things without thinking about it, that have bothered some people. The difference is, they have said and done things for the soul purpose of bringing me down (Like writing "Malysa is a pig" on the break table) I would never EVER do something like that.

So yes, I am defensive. I try to get my point across in a nicer way, but I make sure they hear me loud and clear.

Wow, my mom raised us well, too, but that doesn't mean that I have never accidently hurt someone. Must be nice knowing you have never said or done anything that made someone else feel bad!

Eta: I have gained and list and gained. While I did not enjoy surgery, this has been the best for me. I have a confidence that I was never statistically allowed this time.

Easy isn't an insult for me. Of course I am willing to grant grace to those who might not get it too. But the, maybe that is because I do not see myself as perfect, bit as in need of grace myself sometimes.

Edited May 1, 201016 yr by MissyMS