female only Still "fat" by society's standards

[Shmoopy 0]

I'm hoping someone else out there understands how I feel. Since my banding, I went from a size 18 to a size 10 (still have flab up top so maybe went from XLtop to L). Anyway...I'm feeling very good about being a size 10 jeans. I mean, I dont remember the last time I was a 10...I'm not kidding. I remember ten years ago when my sister got married I was a 14.

So anyway, I've always had issues with self esteem. And I've been feeling good recently...taking care of myself and my looks. But still cannot get guys interested in me. And then I started thinking...ok so I might feel skinnier but in reality, I'm still "fat" by society's standards. You know? And I know, I shouldn't care about society, but it is weird, losing 70lbs and still being "fat." I dont think I'll ever be "thin", I'm just not built that way. But I wish I could feel better about myself.

Anyone else?

[Mimilou2004 13]

Shmoopy, I so feel your pain and empathize with you. I am also a size 10 and feel fat. I, too, wish I could feel better about myself, I have 25 years on you and am running out of time, LOL!!!!

I hope we succeed in the near future!!

[Jachut 487]

I know what you mean. I've had what you would call a spectacular result going from a 20 or so to an 8, and very little loose skin compared to others.

But I do have loose skin, and it gets me down. It sucks to have the body of a 42 year old mother of three (even though that's what I am) when I never got to have the body of a hot 21 year old.

But I have come to terms with several facts - compared to other women of my age, I look pretty darn good and men do look, when I wear a bikini, I can enjoy the achievement even if a few people are thinking "good lord, put it away, because I do ah, wobble a bit), there are some clothes I will NEVER be able to wear because I'm just not built for them.

I'm fine with all that, because i realised, when you examine the people you think look great, they usually have flaws too. But your'e not focussed on theirs like you are on your own. There's NO point comparing yourself with models and celebs because there's a very small percentage of women in those careers precisely because a very small percentage actually have the physical perfection to carry it off, and finally, at my age, I can and do appreciate that I ahve things to offer other than just how I look.

Society's standard is insane when you realise how completely stupidly out of control our obesity problem really is. Being "fat' by society's standards really means being somewhere approaching a healthy weight.

But I dont really believe in "settling" for higher BMI's either, I really do think most people could get to a healthty one and would be better off to do so. I've never really heard anyone give a very credible reason for why they're OK at a BMI of 28, even though its overweight for everyone else.

[minimeme 1]

I dont think the men arent looking because you are a size 10. More than likely you are either not understanding or your low self esteem keeps them away.

I have a really, really good looking muscular boyfriend who is 10 years younger than me. I was a size 22 when he first asked me out on valentines day 2006.

I have never payed attention to the guys who didnt pay attention to me. Honestly, I felt it a blessing.

[Shmoopy 0]

Oh yeah, I know my self esteem is an issue. I kinda didn't want to make it one in my post, so I apologize for that. I just wanted to shed light on the ridiculousness we women have to deal with when it comes to body image etc. Overall, I think I look and feel great. I never thought I would be a size 10 again. My observation was, isn't it weird that I lost all that weight and yet I'm still "fat". So ironic. I know not all men are obsessed with weight etc when it comes to their women. I know I'll meet my Mr. Right (after dealing with a few Mr. Wrongs).

I'm super frustrated with my spare tire that has gotten smaller but is still there. I'm so tired of the muffin top. haha.

[outside*looking*in 0]

I think I know what you mean. I weighed 240 in high school. By my senior year I got down to 165. (size 11) I felt good and thought I was finally looking good. Then, one day I was sitting with a group of about 5-6 kids in a class and we were just talking and joking around when one boy coughed out "Jenny Craig" to something I had said. It crushed me because I thought I was looking pretty dang good. It is funny that that memory sticks out so clearly in my mind. I am sure I got lots of looks and compliments but I don't remember those as well.

[Jenschmitz 1]

i know what you mean. you work so hard.. you work so hard.. you lose heaps and.. you are still way out of what is deemed "normal" or "slim". Shmoopy, why don't you treat yourself to a stylist for a couple of hours? someone to go thru your wardrobe or to help you buy clothes that fit your body now? I am assuming you say you are a size 10.. that is AUS/UK 14?? There are plenty of fashionable clothes out there to help lift your esteem a bit. I agree with the low self esteem part. To a point, it doesn't matter what size you are, if you have self confidence about yourself men do take notice. I've had heaps of guys sniffing around when I was bigger (i was AUS 22-24. I am now a solid AUS16) And no, I don't think they were chubby chasers, just blokes. If you are feeling yuck and down about yourself, it doesn't matter whether you are a skinny minny or not. Its like you are sending out signals 'stay away' and of course, they oblige. But, then, there are guys that like the generic super skinny types. Some men are shallow. A lot of society is very shallow. Be happy your body lets you do things! HTH lotsa love, Jen

[Fanny Adams 7]

I know how you feel. I've come from an Aus size 26 (US 22) to an Aus 12 (US 8), had plastic surgery to get rid of the skin rolls and lift the boobs and what size compression garment does the nurse fit me for? A freakin siz 2XL!!! 2XL!!! I cried! As it turned out, it was pretty loose once the swelling had gone down but even so!

I think I look pretty good now. I want to lose another 5-10kg but most people tell me I don't need to. Yet, I'm still classified as "overweight" on the BMI charts and by society's standards, I'm still fat *sighs*

[married 0]

I'm hoping someone else out there understands how I feel. Since my banding, I went from a size 18 to a size 10 (still have flab up top so maybe went from XLtop to L). Anyway...I'm feeling very good about being a size 10 jeans. I mean, I dont remember the last time I was a 10...I'm not kidding. I remember ten years ago when my sister got married I was a 14.

So anyway, I've always had issues with self esteem. And I've been feeling good recently...taking care of myself and my looks. But still cannot get guys interested in me. And then I started thinking...ok so I might feel skinnier but in reality, I'm still "fat" by society's standards. You know? And I know, I shouldn't care about society, but it is weird, losing 70lbs and still being "fat." I dont think I'll ever be "thin", I'm just not built that way. But I wish I could feel better about myself.

Anyone else?

A size 10 is a very normal size. I felt great when I was a size 12 which I was for most of my younger life. When I was a teenager I had a "fat" friend. She mustve been at least 240 lbs.. Men FLOCKED to her. It was her attitude. She was sexy and big. She walked around like a goddess and men picked up on that. Handsome men!!! So its not necessarily the size. I was in awe of the way she just owned it. So that was a lesson learned for me.

[itstimealready 180]

I totally get what you're saying! It really is that last 15 lbs that does it. I'm feeling the same way. 30-40 lbs left to go. Already lost 30 and feeling pretty cute, thank you very much, but still not getting the head turns like I did at lower weights.

I've been up and down constantly my whole life and the masses of men really do respond to the smaller frame. Evolutionarily I suppose it looks more youthful and lithe. This is not a bad thing in my book; I can't get any younger but I can (now!) keep my body trim and fit! This April I'm going to be one busy lady! Wink wink.

Edited January 18, 2016 by itstimealready