marjon9

I certainly agree with ousooner. If you are worried that your kids might have "no mother," in my opinion it is the fat you should be worried about, not the lap band. I'm not looking forward to the surgery or the post-op liquid diet, that's for sure, but I am very grateful to get a real chance to recover from what I've done to myself.

A man who goes around with a NO FAT CHICKS t-shirt is a cold-hearted, mean-spirited moron. There is no excuse for hurting and humiliating strangers in public. But even if that is true, I still think it is unfair to hold it against a man or woman simply because they are not attracted to extremely fat people of the opposite sex. Most people are not attracted to fat. That's just the way it is. It's not going to do any good to fight against or deny that reality, or categorize the majority of human beings as shallow losers. And I do have a question. If a man is expected to see through the obesity to find the inner beauty inside a fat woman, why can't that woman look through the man's lack of attraction for fat and see through to the inner beauty in that man? A man who is not attracted to fat is just not attracted to fat. It's not a conscious decision to be mean or shallow. It's just the nature of most people. It seems pretty shallow in reverse to hold that natural reality against the man in return.

My final motivation was the last 30 pounds. In the last year I went from 320 to 350. At 350 I was no longer within striking distance of the 200s. I could no longer convince myself that I was going to turn it around. I realized that I was basically out of control, that "diet and exercise" were never going to do it for me, and if I didn't find another answer soon I was going to die. Once I fully understood that in my heart I immediatly made the decision to do the band. I found this site the next day. Sometimes in the last couple months I've had this image of myself as out in the middle of the ocean getting tired and in danger of drowning. I could see the rescue ship on the way (the lap band), and I have just been hoping that I could hang on until the ship arrived. I feel like I'm going to make it, but without a lot of room to spare.

I agree that you should not marry someone unless you love them, and if you love them you would still love them if they got fat. There is no excuse for abusing your wife or husband for being fat. But on the other hand, serious obesity is almost universally considered unattractive. I think if you marry someone you also owe that person your best effort to not become extremely unattractive. Yes, your spouse should stick with you through both "thick" and "thin," so to speak, but it really sucks to ask them to do that. I think it is grossly unfair to not realize how hard it is for the spouse of someone who was slim and attractive at the wedding and morbidly obese ten years later. Yes, they should stick with you, but get real, it's pretty awful to inflict that on your spouse. I agree that it can be called "shallow" to reject your wife if she becomes fat. But that word "shallow" is also thrown around in this thread in relation to the dating phase. I totally disagree that it is "shallow" if a man or woman would not want to date you because you are morbidly obese. That is just a denial of reality. When I married my wife I was in pretty good shape. She has stuck with me through these times when I got very fat. I am grateful to her for that and I am determined to use this band to recover my body. But I can also say that she never would have gone out with me at the beginning if I want 350 pounds when we met. Does that make her shallow? It's hard for me to believe how many people on this thread seem to think so.

I found nicorette gum helpful. But you have to want to quit, too. I smoked for about 15 years, but when my mother died a horrible death from lung cancer I finally could not continue to smoke and still look myself in the mirror. That was about 10 years ago. If a person is willing to look at even 10% of the truth about smoking and what it does to your body then they will be compelled to quit. There is just no way to justify that level of self abuse. It's only through extreme denial that a person can continue smoking.

I would be frustrated too based on what you are describing. But I don't think it has anything to do with you being a "failure." From reading the board it seems clear that sometimes it takes a while for the band to start working. Some people get restriction sooner than others. Some people lose weight faster than others. People say that the first six weeks are for healing, not losing weight, and some people even gain weight during this time. Everyone says this is normal. I feel like a failure all the time about my weight, but we all have to put our attention on other things now. We have to find a way to make this band work for us. Keep posting about your experiences here and get people's feedback on how to move forward. Talk to your doctor. Keep your focus on solving the problems and making the band work for you. You know how the song goes. "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again." You are way too early in the game here to even think about words like failure. Keep posting on this board. I know that's going to help me.

I'm also having a surprisingly negative response from my wife, which continues even after explanation of the different types of surgeries. I did not expect this and it has got me flustered. She has a fairly wide circle of friends and she is getting all kinds of input from them about how so-and-so died from this surgery, etc. She's afraid I'm going to become a vegetable. I told her vegetables are good for you and that did not elicit the jolly response I was hoping for. I'm really finding this whole thing quite distracting. I was hoping to spend these weeks wallowing in my own pre-surgery jitters and confusion, and instead I am finding that my total focus is on convincing her what a great idea this is. Very disconcerting.

So, like 38 days on a total liquid diet? Is that right? I have not heard others describe anything close to that. Am I missing something?

This should not just be a question for the ladies. My wife tells me I've gained a few cup sizes in recent years as well! If I lose too much weight I just may consider implants. I don't want to have to buy a whole new wardrobe, if you see what I mean.

One time when I was about 20 I went on a long "Eurail Pass" tour of Europe and then down to N. Africa. Toward the end of that trip I contracted something truly dreadful. I'll spare you the detaisl. But by the end of it I weighed about 170. After I recovered from the illness I maintained that weight for about half a year and I was perfectly healthy. It's hard to believe that I could be healthy at that weight, since I'm about twice that now. So, I'm really not sure what my "goal" should be. I'm thinking 199, but that may be too ambitious. Anyway, as Alexandra said, it's the health that matters. I think once I lose 100 plus pounds I will feel so much better I won't care much anymore about the scale. We'll see.

The nutritionist I spoke to works with the lap band doc, so she definitely did not try to talk me out of it. When I spoke to her it was just to get a rundown of what to eat and how to eat in the before and after phases of surgery. The information is useful, but I agree it is also available on the board here. I really think that a nutritionist recommended by your surgeon is not going to try to talk you out of the surgery. I also think that nutritionist who "does not believe" in WLS was out of line. Even if you think that WLS is not so great, you have to compare it to the alternative. Being extremely overweight is just too damaging to the body. It's hard enough getting ready for surgery. You don't need additional obstacles from people who are not doctors and have not walked in your shoes.

I hear Baklava helps

Congrats ousooner on your awesome results. Your web site is great. I'll show my wife and I think that will help her become a full member of the "band."

I'm in Rockville. But I'm certainly familiar with Dulles. That's our main airport as well. You seem like you are in good spirits notwithstanding it all. I'll be interested to see how long it takes before you are feeling fully recovered.

Hi Kirsten, I have a question. Did they give you any pain medication? Did this come up at all in your discussions? I'm wondering if I should bring it up. Thanks Mark

Hi Joe, I had the same problem. At first my wife thought this was going to be an open surgery involving a long incision, etc. Once she learned it was laparoscopic she started to calm down a bit. But still worries about risks and complications, etc. She then started to ask why I could not just use diet and exercise. It's hard to explain why this is not a realistic option. Sometimes I still feel like a failure because those methods don't work for me. My wife does not have any issues with weight or food. It's just hard for her to understand why I would want/need surgery and a band on my stomach instead of just eating a little less. In some ways it's a good question. But I know diets are not going to work for me. Anyway, I think now she is convinced that the risks associated with being 125 lb overweight are significantly greater than the risk of surgery, especially since I'm not so young anymoer (53), so she is reluctantly on board. I feel confident that eventually she will agree that this was the right thing to do, and be glad I did it. I do expect to lose substantial weight over the next year, and I think she will not mind that at all. Good luck to you on this issue (and all the others). Mark

I don't have much to add to the posts above but I just wanted to say howdy since I'm having my surgery on 1/16 also. That probably makes us bonded for eternity in the cosmos, or something like that. I feel like I will have a good experience with the band if I can get through the first six weeks and then on to the place where restriction is relatively accurate for my needs. But I am quite anxious about the process leading up to that. I work long hours and I don't want to be starving or sliming or whatever people do who have these things. I hope I am able to get to the right fill level fairly quickly. Overall though, once I get through the "setup and installation" phase, I am really optimistic that this is going to be very helpful to me. The best thing is, you can eat as much as you want of anything all the time and still lose weight!!! (just kidding).

Good luck on the smoking, chubbola. Quitting is so hard. I was FINALLY able to do it about ten years ago after trying many times. The only help I can offer is to give an endorsement to the Nicoret gum. That did help me at the time, I recall. I assume that is OK on a pre-op diet, but I'm not sure. Unfortunately there is no "band" for smoking. It would be great if you could put a "neck band" around your throat to stop smoking. I can imagine going for a "fill" for your "neck band." An "overfill" might be a serious problem, if you see what I mean. No, there is no real help on this. It's just something that has to be done one day at a time and it is not easy. Yes, of course it's worth it, but you know that. Good luck. Mark

Currently I measure my food with a backhoe. Oh, wait a minute, you meant after the lap band is put in. Sorry, I'll have to get back to you on that after 1/16 :welldone2:

Wow, in just six months! That's inspiring and encouraging. Maybe 2007 can be my big year. Or should I say "small" year.

This is exactly how I see it. The journey from "morbidly obese" to "healthy" involves far more than weight loss. It's an unpredictable process that will require us to face demons and reinvent ourselves and it will lead to a totally new person in ways we cannot imagine at the beginning of the journey. That's why I think that a month after insertion of a lap band is not the ideal time to start looking for a serious relationship. I also think it is unrealistic to say that a person is expected to be attracted to my "inner beauty," and if they would have any problem at all with my morbid obesity I should scratch them off the list forever and label them a shallow loser. Physical attraction is part of the package in romantic relationships. At the beginning it is a very large part of the package. I think it's a little bit self-delusional to believe otherwise. And besides, when huge volumes of fat hang on the outside of a person this represents something more than just a totally external thing that is completely separate and unconnected to a person's "inner beauty." These huge volumes of fat show a lot about the inside of a person. All of us who have allowed ourselves to become morbidly obese have not been treating ourselves with great love and respect (I definitely include myself here, of course). And I am not comfortable blaming and external cause for my obesity. I feel like I need to take responsibility for what I've done to myself even though I might be a "big boned" guy with a naturally "low metabolism." I did this to myself, plain and simple. I'm not attracted to fat women in part because I don't really want to date someone seriously who does not love and respect herself. If later she changes and starts to love and respect herself enough to become healthy, then she may become a person I'd like to consider for a romantic relationship. I just don't think that's a "shallow" way to be. And if it is shallow, then human beings acting naturally are inherently shallow.

Thanks for the responses. By the way, I don't mean to get on a soap box but sleep apnea is a very serious thing. I had it for years without knowing it. I was feeling more and more tired all the time and started experiencing irregular heartbeats. One day my wife said to me "um, dear, do you realize you often stop breathing for, like, 30 seconds at a time when you sleep? And, dear, do you realize that when you snore you sound like the cars as they are being crushed at the Monster Truck Extravaganza?" So, I went to the doc, and the rest is history. I really think I might be dead right now without my CPAP. I certainly intend to lose the CPAP when I lose the weight, but until then, Gotta Have It!

I tried posting a reply on this thread a while back and it seems that it did not go through. I'll try again, sorry if this turns out to be a duplicate. I'm just wondering, following up on the question of the original poster, has anyone had a doctor express concern about a person's apnea in relation to the actual surgery and the immediate recovery time thereafter? As everyone knows, when you have apnea you can stop breathing. I would imagine this could be especially troubling when you are on general anesthesia. Isn't it possible that this could be an issue during and immediately after surgery?

pennywise, you mention that you don't want to go to Mexico. That seems to imply that you could afford the $8500 fee the Mexican docs seem to be charging, but just don't want to go to Mexico. Well, Dr. Kirshenbaum in Denver is doing them for $9950, complete, including 3 monts of aftercare and then $15 fills thereafter. http://www.lapbandrockies.com/ Just a thought.

Pennywise, I have not done the math but I would bet for myself I will save enough on my food bill alone to cover the cost of a monthly payment for the surgery, and that does not count savings on medical bills. I think this is too important to let money be the reason not to do it. financing options are available. If you need to do this and you are ready to do this, I think that money is not a big enough obstacle to defeat your plans. I know it is easy for me to say that when I don't know your situation, but I know I'm going to save at least $300 per month just on food. I believe there must be a way for you too. Mark