marjon9

Thanks, sorry I misunderstood. No need to apologize at all. It's so hard to convey clear meaning with these quickly written posts. I want to add one other thing reading over this thread. And that is there have been several comments about how "shallow" us "loser" guys are because we are not attracted to fat women. I think that is not fair. We are all products of this society. Fat is not in right now ( or for the last 100 years or so). You can blame guys for being shallow if you want, but it's not going to get you where you want to go. Most men don't like fat women. That's just how it is. And believe me, it's the same the other way. When I was younger I was quite a good looking fellow and had women interested in me quite often. As I gained weight the interest just melted away. Now, if a woman looks at me at all, it's usually with a bit of a curled lip of contempt like "as if, you loser." So where is it going to get any of us to blame the opposite sex for how "shallow" we are. It's just not a useful approach. For me, where the whole thing comes down to at this point in my life is this: Fat is unhealty. I want to honor myself and my life by being healthy. Naturally, if I do that I will be more attractive to my wife. But that is not my motivation. My motivation is to honor my life. Before it's too late. I don't want to die fat. I'd have too much 'splainin' to do.

I did read your post totally before responding. In your initial post you did seem to imply that you had not mentioned your weight to this guy. I'm glad to see that is not correct. What I did not read before sending my message is what was said after your initial post by you and others. I did not read those posts because it took me quite a while to write that note to you, and by that time there were several other responses. I can see you are a little angry about what I wrote to you. But I honestly don't see why. If you are going to meet someone who knows exactly what you look like and is interested in meeting you, then that sounds great. There is nothing in my note that is inconsistent with that. Best wishes to you.

I am a "guy," as you ladies like to call us. I feel like I want to answer your post even though I may not have the type of response that you are looking for. But I feel like the best way I can offer you "support" is to give an honest response from a "guy's" point of view. It is courageous to get back into the dating world, and I congratulate you for that. But if I were your brother and I wanted to help you succeed, I would tell you that you need to consider some things about your approach to the dating process. Please take these thoughts in the spirit they are intended, which is to offer a guy's point of view on finding a great relationship. First, I get the impression from your post that you have not discussed weight or physical appearance with this guy, or traded photos. If that is correct, then in my opinion you are setting yourself up to be rejected. You are correct that "people should care for you based on who you are and not based on what the scale says," but if you show up for this date without telling this guy you are heavy then you are asking this complete stranger to "care for you" even though you are both heavy and dishonest. I think that people who are overweight can be lovable, but I am not too keen on people who are dishonest. In this world we live in, being fat matters. I'm fat, so I have a right to talk. Dating, especially blind dates with a total stranger, is very much about physical attraction. You know that. By failing to mention something significant about your physical appearance you are lying by omission. That is not respectful to the person you are meeting. It is true that people deserve love even if they are fat. But you can't expect a guy on a blind date to "love" you based on the "inner truth" about "who you are." He's just there to see if he is attracted to you, and if he is (and if he is a decent fellow), to begin the process of getting to know you. The "loving you for who you are" part, "regardless of what the scale says," is not for first meetings and blind dates. I think if you are going to try to get back into the dating world right now, you need to be totally up front about your physical appearance, including photos, before you meet the person. But I can also tell you this. If you are honest about being significantly overweight, and you try to meet people through online dating, you will almost certainly not meet the type of man you'd really like to get to know. That's just the way it is in this superficial world. I'm not saying you don't deserve a relationship right now, but I think that in order to find a good relationship while you are fat it is going to have to be based on getting to know people over time, in person, face to face, and not based on online dating where people make immediate decisions based on three lines in an ad and a small photograph. If you are sold on online dating, which I have done plenty of myself at various times, I'd say wait 6 months or more until you have lost significant weight from your lap band. This is the time for recreating yourself, facing demons, and getting to know yourself again. Who knows who you will be 6 months or a year from now? Once that process is well under way, then that might be a better time for beginning the process of hooking up with someone to share it with. I know this is undoubtedly not the type of "support" you were looking for. I hope you will find this "guy's" point of view to be worth considering. At your age you have all the time in the world. I know you will find the perfect mate at the right time. Best wishes to you in your journey.

I can sort of understand that. My own self image is still much thinner than reality. I'm at about 340 now and that's pretty big. But in my mind's eye I'm about 250. The thing that shocked me is I was dancing at a party with my wife and I saw the video tape. I really could not believe my eyes. I looked like a character from Fantasia, the Hippo in a tutu (except the Hippo was a better dancer). So, it's the lap band for me. Surgery is 1/16.

Like, totally (as the saying goes).

When I first decided to get banded (surgery set now for 1/16) I figured I'd be open and tell everyone. But then, much to my surprise, I started to get the same reaction you describe, where people are not supportive and they tell me I should not do it and I should just eat less and exercise more. I really thought people would be more supportive. I'm thinking of not talking about it much for a while. People who don't have a food/weight problem just really don't seem to understand. As for your other concerns, ultimately these are decisions only you can make. But as I understand it, the risk of life-threatening complications from band surgery is extremely small. It's not zero, but it's very small. Obviously in the long run, the weight is much more likely to be a serious health issue than the band surgery. As for your other concern, I would really try to get at least a few days off after surgery if at all possible. Call in sick, if nothing else. I think that planning on going back to a very demanding, on your feet work schedule the very next day is a bad idea. I would think about trying to avoid that. It sounds like this nursing thing is very important to you and you are totally committed, and that is wonderful. But I feel sure there is still a way for you to get a few days off for something as important as this. You may be inviting bigger problems if you don't do that for yourself. Best to you in sorting it all out.