sillykitty

I'm combining this, with your comment on the IF thread (I missed it in my reply on there, but I think it fits here better anyway) "My 5lb window will be set between 130-135lbs. I know that sounds like it's only a "reframe" of goal 130lbs. But it's baby steps. I may later decide to make my 5 lb window be 135-140. I just know I feel better under 135. (Yes, I can feel those extra 3 lbs lol.)" I think your maintenance window is too low. You are at 133.4 now and got there at least partially as a result of your twisted bowels and subsequent "reset" type diet. I REALLY REALLY don't think you should set window so low it will be a constant struggle. It will be far too easy for you to go over 135, and then you'll feel like you've failed. You want to stay below 135, but your body doesn't seem to agree. I think the only place you feel those extra 3 lbs is in your dysphoric head Why fight your body, your MD & RD, to get to this mythical weight that you will finally feel like a success at? Another reason why I think you need to raise that upper maintenance limit is gaining and losing a couple of lbs overnight is completely normal and expected, as you well know. It isn't real weight gain, as you also know. I'm afraid you're going to drive yourself crazy fighting false gains. You need some room to play with your diet, upping your cals etc.. I think there is a good possibility your body doesn't want to get to 130, and is fighting it tooth & nail. So even if you dropped down to 400 cals/day, you'll still maintain. The other side of that coin is you very well may be able to increase your calories far above what you think you can. But you need some room at the top of your range. You're going to bounce up, and you need to be ok with that. The test will be if it bounces up and sticks around. To me, it then becomes quality of life issue. Do you want to fight your body everyday to stay under "goal". Or can you be happy, and feel like the rock star you are, at a slightly higher weight, that you know is a healthy BMI? We've established you need a goal & and challenge. How about a goal of shattering that dysmorphic fun house mirror. I guarantee you that everyone now sees you as a thin person. Can it be your goal to see yourself that way? Tough love I know, but still love! ❤️ ?

@FluffyChix Sorry for the delay, was nonstop from Friday morning till now, but you were on my mind "What's messed up (among other things) is that yesterday I was so anxious to see her cuz as usual, I was afraid I "hadn't lost enough" weight or wasn't low enough to "win WLS" and not get a lecture for failing or lack of trying. I was actually worried cuz the scale here was 135.2lbs which was about the same as it was last time in her office. I felt like I should be below 130lbs by now." I think this is the head work you need to do You need to allow yourself to feel successful! You have done absolutely fabulously. You exceeded everyone's expectations, except your own. If you had read your story written by someone else, and they wrote that they were disappointed in themselves, you'd be the first to tell them they are a rock star. All the cheer leading you do for others, apply it to yourself as well "part of me is still so fearful of the zombie apocalypse where all the slain pounds lay waiting to leap on me and I revert to my former poor habits and miscreant deeds that got me to the Obesity Ball. I'm that much of a backslider! (potentially)" I think we all feel this to some extent. I have a reoccurring nightmare that my restriction is suddenly gone and I eat a giant plate of food without even realizing it. I think there are two differences now, vs what got us MO. First, we are both willing to do the work. We realize that WLS wasn't magic, and the weight will come back on if we aren't diligent. (Of course you and I do "diligent" differently ? ) Second, we appreciate the new us, and never ever want to go back. I think once you take the dysphoric glasses off, you'll appreciate how far you have come even more so! "I just wanna be thin. And if I die? I want to die thin (not anorexic). Just thin." Now this I actually get, really and truly. My family is incredibly long lived, and honestly, I don't want to live into my 90's. My motivation for WLS, was vanity and pride almost exclusively. But barring an accidental death, we are all going to have our last years. If we go into those last years with a slightly high BMI, I'm hoping it will make them a little less awful, you know? BUT, you are already thin! Everyone else see you and sees a thin person, except you "As to what do I replace the obsession with--I think it's gonna have to be fitness." I think this is a great plan. You've got the cardio ralking progressing steadily already. Adding in some muscle building exercises to balance it all out "So question for all y'all! Do you think it's cheating then, to adjust my Goal #3 to be 135lbs in my signature line? So that I can look at it and see that "I crossed the finish line"? Or do you think my mind will still automatically go to the place of, "Yeah, but I didn't touch the 130line on Goal #3 and just "gamed" it"?" The ticker is completely irrelevant. You need to believe that you made goal. Your true goal isn't a random number on the scale. It is feeling strong, healthy and hot af, right? I'm afraid you will always feel like you have failed, if you don't let go of a meaningless number. **Hugs** ... I know this is hard for you!

Heading out for a drink at the marina then to another food fest ?

@FluffyChix Headed out ... but *HUGS*

I usually gravitate more towards long necklaces with round neck, solid color tops & dresses. I actually mixed it up a bit last night, inspired by my own fashion advice ?

Imagine one shared closet and jewelry box! ?

Those jeans are super flattering, so tall and lean!

Olive green is my favorite color! ?

Here's what I ate at the food fest Here's the food porn. I took the duck meatballs to go!

Headed out to a local food fest!

Have to admit I'm white knuckling the OMAD thing today. Only my stubbornness is getting me through! So last ten days I've averaged about 1550 cal/day, the previous 30 before that I was around 2300 cal/day. Over the last 10 days my protein has averaged 52 g/day, I won't tell you my carbs, cause you might keel over ? Not sure if I'll get a whoosh, or what exactly is going on. Up until today it hasn't been a challenge to IF or scale back the cals. So I'm more curious than frustrated by it. Tonight is a type of "Taste of" event. There are about 40 restaurants participating. I know all the stuff I want to eat tonight, but small portion of my wish list is realistic. I definitely plan on a duck meatball, and something from my favorite bakery though!

Hugs @FluffyChix ... I know that is not what you were hoping to hear today! ? "she said that 5lbs wouldn't make or break me, but that I needed to give up on the BDG goal, cuz she didn't think it would be healthy for me" I think what you should keep in mind if your surgeon has your well being as her priority. She doesn't have dysmorphic glasses, or BDG blinders on. She;s as close to unbiased as you can get. "And what about the 10-15lb rebound that I'm terrified of succumbing to in year 3? *big gulp*" First, it's not inevitable, anymore than only losing 60-70% excess body weight post WLS is. Second, if you do have a bounce, it will be ok . You can be perfectly healthy, attractive, active, and feel great at a point or two higher on the BMI scale. I believe there is actually a study or two saying as women age it might be beneficial to be closer to the top end of a healthy BMI. In my mind the question for you is ... what will you replace your BDG goal with? From everything I know about you, you need a purpose. Your drive is admirable (and a little frightening). There are so many areas you can focus your energy on, so you can be a healthier FC, than you would even be at your BDG weight.

Been doing some IF the past week or so. I figured I'd take advantage of a pretty quiet week social and professionally to get some IF benefits in. Going to try to do OMAD, sorta, today. Doing a food fest this evening, so it will be a drawn out OM, but better than nothing. Weird thing is, despite averaging 1K less calories a day or so the last 1.5 weeks, the scale keeps bouncing around in the same range. Not necessarily trying to lose more, but wanted to give myself some wiggle room, since I have a packed social and work schedule that will be calorie heavy.

I was very week and shaky at about 2 weeks post op. I wasn't sure what the issue was, but my surgeon's office gave me a B12 shot and it cleared up nearly immediately. I then got regular shots for the next few months. Once I wasn't going in as regularly for check up, I switched over to a once a week sublingual, and have been fine since.

I'm not an over the top type person either ... so I wear really simple earrings with statement necklaces, like silver ball or button earrings, small hoops etc.

? I vote June Cleaver. You could also do a statement necklace

You look great! You should increase your dress wearing frequency I also support more pet participation in this thread. I'm pet-less so I have to live vicariously. ?

I’m starting my plastics consultations this week. I’m curious what my quotes will come in at. But, IMO, the quality of work between a resident and an experienced surgeon is significantly different. Arm lifts are not Uber common, and as I understand pretty tricky. The aesthetics of my surgery are very important to me (thin scars, natural looking belly button etc). I would not make any compromises in that area Keep getting quotes. NYC has lots of options.

Welcome Paul! I’m in SoCal as well

That level emotional swings aren’t healthy, as you are aware. I would get in contact with professional help ASAP

I love My Fitness Pal

That sounds reallllly high. I know friends who have gotten mommy makeovers and paid less total than that surgery center charge Is it just a function of being in a small market? They have a captive audience and can charge whatever the heck they want?

Food funerals are not an unusual thing. No need to beat yourself up for feeling this way I had 3 weeks between approval & surgery with no liquid diet. I got all kinds of foods and cravings out of my system. It didn’t hinder my post op success

To add ... it seems to diminish or potentially go away the further post op I get. The last 2 times I had VC I drank very slowly and didn’t dump

The only thing that has made me dump almost every time is Vietnamese coffee. I get extremely nauseous and my heart races. I assume it is the liquid sugar maybe combined with caffeine