bandpal

I feel that those people don't have the slightest idea what they're talking about. Imagine: "Oh, so and so recovered from that nasty cancer but they took the easy way, chemotherapy"; "Oh, so and so beat that darn pneumonia, but they took the easy way, antibiotics." Isn't it ridiculous? People watch you struggle your whole life, and then when you finally win, they try to cheapen the victory. What mean-spiritedness, what narrow mindedness. But my hiding what I've done when I am asked about it only buys into this kind of thinking, and I won't do it.

Name........Start......Current......Goal......To Go CindyG...........190.............90.............175 ...............15 Momto1plus1...178...........163.............159..................4 Shortgal.........176...........175.............168..................7 Shalee04........178...........178.............168.................10 Skinny_Jill.......145...........145.............140..................5 Bandpal..........161...........152.24.........150.............. 2.24 Looks like my numbers got mixed up on that last post - here's the correct table, I hope.

I had my surgery done in Tel Aviv - it's not Istanbul but at least it's the Middle East. Welcome to LBT and Iyi sanslar!

Hi Kossde, Glad to hear things have been going well for you, sounds like you've been working hard and enjoying the ride. Regarding your fill question: although you mention your increase in calorie intake, you didn't say anything about your quality of restriction. Does your band feel looser than it did? Are you able to swallow foods which you weren't able to before, like bread? For me, that's the surest sign of lessened restriction, and the prime indication that I need a fill. No one outside of your own body can tell you. I understand your fear of becoming unhealthily thin, but, if I understand correctly, you still have 45-55 pounds to lose before you confront that issue. Since it takes a month to get an appointment anyway (I know the feeling - it takes two months for me to get an appointment), why not schedule one? What do they say: "a bird in the hand... " As far as maintainance goes, I'm just reaching that point myself - I'm 2.24 pounds from my goal of a 136 pound weight loss since having been banded in November of 2007. We'll find all the answers together. Good luck!

Name........Start......Current......Goal......To Go CindyG...........190.............90.............175 ...............15 Momto1plus1...178...........164.............159..................5 Shortgal.........176...........175.............168..................7 Shalee04........178...........178.............168.................10 Skinny_Jill.......145...........145.............140..................5 Bandpal..........161...........152.24 ........150..................2.24

Again, just for me: to respond by telling people that I am watching what I eat and excercizing would be tantamount to lying. I tried to "watch what I eat and excercize" for my entire life and I failed miserably. I "watched what I ate and excercized" all the way up to 286 pounds. Then I finally decided to get the Lapband. True, it is just a tool. True, I now successfully watch what I eat and excercize. But I wouldn't have been able to do it without the boost the band gave me and the limits it gives me up until today. To say anything else would be misleading at best. In my community there is a woman who lost a great deal of weight in the period of a year. At this point I was near my high of 286 pounds, desperately depressed. One evening I approached her and said, " I'm just amazed that you were able to do what you did. I think I just don't have it in me". Her reply: "Look, not everyone can do it". Later I found out that she had been banded (by the same surgeon I ended up using). It was absolutely her right not to disclose what was obviously very personal information for her. But she sure didn't help me any - and if she had said, "oh, I watch what I eat and excercize", she wouldn't have done anything for me either. Every inquiry has the potential to help someone else, even if it's a matter of showing someone that we refuse to be shamed or embarrassed by the choice we have made. Again - we are all different people in different places and have to make this decision by ourselves. Meanwhile, though, I keep hoping to meet that woman in my surgeons waiting room while waiting for a fill.

YOU TELL 'EM, FIXIN2NOTBFAT!!! GOOD LUCK ON YOUR SURGERY!

Hi Moni, Congratulations on taking this big step! Rest up, get plenty of sleep, take some light walks out in the sunshine (hopefully there's plenty of that where you are) and get used to the new you. Follow your doctor's post-op plan to the "T" and use this site for support and lots of wisdom by way of experience. Where are you from? How did you reach the decision to be banded? What was your pre-op experience like? Take care, Bandpal

For me, as much as this discussion is about how to respond to a personal question (especially in sensitive environments like the workplace and extended family), it is also about learning the limits of our own control. I cannot control what other people think about me or say about me. My focus is on being true to myself, and for me that means "telling my story as long as someone wants to hear it". In addition to possibly helping someone who is suffering and educating the public about Lapband (the people who cared to be honest with me about their surgery were an essential part of my process in deciding to have it done) , I help myself because every time I speak up, I assert my own belief in the step I have taken to solve my problem. Of course, there will always be people looking to shame and degrade others. But (again, just for me), lying or sidestepping the truth is just playing into their game. At the end of the day, everyone has to make the decision of whom to tell for themselves.

Hey Silver, Let us know how your surgery went! You'd have to worry a little bit if you weren't jittery, wouldn't you? After all, surgery is surgery, and embarking on a major change of lifestyle is also a legitimate reason to feel a little nervous. Do you have people around you to support you? How are they responding to your decision? This site has a lot of information, both theoretical and a lot of good, tried common sense. Don't relate only to the recent posts; find the threads that are relevent to you and read through them at your leisure, gleaning what you need to hear along the way. You've gotten good advice here already - rest is essential, as is sticking to your doctor's post-op plan. Welcome to LBT and good luck!

Name........Start......Current......Goal......To Go CindyG...........190.............90.............175 ...............15 Momto1plus1...178...........164.............159..................5 Shortgal.........176...........175.............168..................7 Shalee04........178...........178.............168.................10 Skinny_Jill.......145...........145.............140..................5 Bandpal..........161...........155.21 ........150.............. 5.21

Good Luck, Wildcat! Wishing you success and many moments of gratification along the way. You can do it! - Bandpal

Welcome! You can do it, First Hope. You'll be gaining a tool which will help you "stick it out" by giving you borders, by letting you know when enough is enough. Here's hoping you doctor is supportive and you move through the approal process as quickly as possible. Good luck! - Bandpal

Hi Wendy, Welcome to the site and congratulations on your upcoming surgery. I was banded in November 2007 and am nine pounds short of my goal of 150 lbs, which would mean a 136 pound loss since then. The band has been an amazing intervention for me. It is not a magic wand, but a tool which you can use in order to change your behavior around food and your relationship towards eating. I guess the most relevent advice I have for you is to follow your doctor's instructions for the post op period to the letter, and to share here often. It's great that you have a supportive husband even though he is not "one of us". If he can't understand why this is so important to you, try this: climb up on his back and scream in his ear "FOOD! FOOOOD! I WANT FOOD! FEED ME! FEED ME NOW! FOOD!". Then climb down off his back and tell him that this is what your life is like now and you don't want to go on this way. Let me know if this works. All the best, keep reading and sharing here - this site has been an essential part of my progress. -Bandpal

Name........Start......Current......Goal......To Go CindyG...........190.............90.............175 ...............15 Momto1plus1...178...........164.............159..................5 Shortgal.........176...........175.............168..................7 Shalee04........178...........178.............168.................10 Skinny_Jill.......145...........145.............140..................5 Bandpal..........161...........159.............150................. 9 Congratulations, Wendy - I'm really happy for you! I'll weigh my self early next week and expect good results. I'm wearing size 31 jeans and medium or small shirts, so that's a good sign. For the last few days I've been eating a quarter cup of food at two or three hour intervals from 11:00 a.m. on (I'm too tight before then), and drinking half a cup of liquid every hour. And you know what? - no pb's. I fill up quickly and go about my business. Until recently I went through a period of pb-ing alot, and no doubt about it - I was eating too much. The biggest adjustment on this journey for me has been changing a lifetime's worth of habits regarding the quantity of food I think I need and the speed with which I eat it. I guess I just have to accept that it's going to take a long time, that there'll be periods when I'll have to deal with feeling deprived, entitled to more food than I am capable of eating. All in all, I have to remember that I'm only a year and three months out, and that adjustments like this take time. A friend made an interesting, if somewhat indelicate comparison yesterday: " A guy who has a sex change operation doesn't become a woman just because he cut his dick off and grows tits; he becomes a woman when he believes deep down that he's a woman, when he thinks, feels and reacts like a woman. Otherwise, he's just a guy with tits and no dick". Well, it's no fun being a guy with tits and no dick, and I don't want to end up being a thin guy with a fat head (for one thing, I won't be a thin guy for long with that mentality). It's just going to take time to accept this amazing new condition I find myself in, to really become the thin person which I already am on the outside. I can't believe how little it takes to fill me up. I can't believe how small I am, how small my bones are... my body is still catching up with the change. For one thing, I've been cold all the time! Along with the physical change, I see my character changing as well. I am calmer, quieter, less boisterous, less needing to fit the "job description" of a "big guy". This is good, because under these circumstances I am less likely to feel the need to overeat. For me, felings of anger or vulnerability lead me straight to food. Lately I've been feeling less out there, less exposed, more self contained and regulated. That's part of the internal change that is going to make this "sex change operation" a real success. Wishing you all continued good luck along the way, -Bandpal

Thank you Mindy, I echo Cindy's sentiments. I know that this is not the way Kendra would think, but how small and futile all of our cyberwishes seem now. Less than a year! Less than a year since the first signs of trouble appeared. How arbitrary life is, how mysterious and how often cruel. How can I take that frank, friendly, upbeat voice I was lucky enough to hear over the phone a few times and make it part of my own, make it live through me? That's the question I sit here asking myself. Right now I just feel sad, sad and overwhelmed.

Name........Start......Current......Goal......To Go CindyG......................190....................190.............175 ................15 Momto1plus1..............178...................176.............159.... ...........17 Shortgal......................176...................175..............1 68...............7 Shalee04...............178...............178..........168...........10 Skinny_Jill..............145...............145..........140......... .5 Bandpal.................161...............150..........161.......... 11 You're late, Skinny Jill?! That's not late... this is late. But I'm in, guys - and going for goal weight this time. Big party when I make it, and you're all invited.

Hi Everyone, A belated Happy New Year to all, there hasn't been much to celebrate around here what with the war and all, but I wanted to report in. I've been holding steady at 161 or so ever since returning from the States a month ago - something of an accomplishment because it hasn't been the best month with food. Portion control, eating at night, eating too quickly: all these things continue to be problems for me. Plus, I basically work in a glorified kiosk - the reception center of our educational tourism center, where we sell ice cream, including milkshakes, (and guess who is always asked to prepare them because he makes the best ones?), and home baked cheesecake, apple pie, and chocolate chip cookies. Ironic, huh. I pull a night shift at least once a week, so from 4:00 to 11:00, it's me and every child's sweetest dream come back to haunt me. Lots of spitting, lots of pb's, I'll spare everyone the details. An empty bottle on car and bus trips is now a must for me, as is not eating or drinking before any sort of public engagement. I need to think more about proper nutrition. I know I'm not getting enough fruit or vegetables because I hardly ever eat them anymore - they don't stay down. Time to chart my food on Fitday for a week and pay more attention to what people around here are eating. I concluded eight years of therapy this month. I never would've gotten to the point where I was ready to consider this operation had it not been for my therapist. I know that the way I wrapped things up with her was very gratifying for her - and for me, too. My parents are here from the States for two months, living out the worst of the New York winter here in the desert. It's sad to see my dad the way he is, but my Mom feels up to the task of caring for him. My kids are delighted to see them, and many people here know them - this is their eight trip in as many years. In general, I'm just trying to take things as they come and appreciate life for what it's worth. Trying not to let the past and future contaminate the present, enjoying the sense of calm which I find comes with that. Hey - whatever problems I'm having with food, it's alot nicer to have them at this weight than at, oh, say, 286. It's hard to get that depressed when you are this good looking. Talk to you soon,

Name..-----.Start----------Current..----Goal.....--...To Go CindyG..............191...................191.............178......... .......13 Sades................186...................185....... .....175................11 Stephanie.........175..................169.5..........155............. ..14.5 shortgal.............173.6...............172..............168......... .......4 Bandpal...........172.26..............161.7........ 150................ 11.7 Momto1plus1...187....................185............174............... .11 lindata...............174....................171.5............169..... .. ..........2.5 Skinny_Jill........151.....................150...........143.......... ........7 mrskrzyz...........172.....................172...........162.......... .......10 kalipso2...........172.....................172...........165.......... ..........7 scarecrow.........190.....................190............180.......... .......10 Foofy.................226....................223............212....... ..........11 Hollyberries......245.....................245............240.......... ........5 doesn't look like I'm going to make goal this challenge, but I'll take a 12 pound loss during the holiday season with no complaints, thank you. And remember - it ain't over yet!

Congratulations, Shalee! Your happiness in your change makes me happy.

Hi, November Friends- Tonight is my last night in America. I'm at my inlaws' in Huntington on Long Island. My four year old will get another look at snow tomorrow morning, just like he did on the night we arrived. In between, it's been two weeks of sun and rain, friends and family, joy and sadness... and tomorrow I leave it all behind, (along with four more pounds!) Thank you all for your replies to my earlier post. I am grateful for your support and friendship. Longhorn, stress and suffering aside, there were many good moments - thanks! Cindyg, my parents are in Riverdale. I can't think about Arthur Avenue without puddles of drool collecting at the keyboard, which is bad form when you are a guest in someone else's home so enough about that (I am Jewish on both sides but was Italian in a previous life). My mom is amazing, and what she is doing is an act of love, but it is not without its irrational aspects. Hopefully they'll be able to make it over to me in Israel in February for their annual visit. Good luck with your paper, and more power to you for going back to school. What are you studying? Shortgal, I suppose fear of my own mortality and decrepitude are indeed part of the mix. Hopefully, in between socialized medicine and the supportive nature of the the community I live in, I will find much more dignity and assistance available to me than my parents have encountered. Lindata, you're right - I also eat out alot less. In fact, it's amazing how much of my existence I've had to redefine because food is no longer the center of my life, no longer the "thing I do" to verify that I am alive and experiencing life. I see this especially when I am travelling. How can you be in America and not have a pizza, a calzone, a pint of Haagen Dazs or an egg roll? The band has made me stop living life through my mouth, and this has been difficult, traumatic, even, but it is a path which I have committed my self to and on which there is no way back. One more thing about food and culture - Longhorn, you're right: Israelis know how to pile on the food too, and nagging runs a close second to soccer as our national sport. I think the pervasiveness and sophistication of marketing is still more pronounced in America, but we are probably headed in the same direction, along with the rest of the West. And yes, Lindata - from what I've read, prevalence of obesity in Israel doesn't lag far behind America. Wishing you all the best, you guys are great! Talk to you again from home -

Name..-----.Start----------Current..----Goal.....--...To Go CindyG..............191...................191.............178......... .......13 Sades................186...................185....... .....175................11 Stephanie.........175..................169.5..........155............. ..14.5 shortgal.............173.6...............172..............168......... .......4 Bandpal...........172.26..............166........150................ 16 Momto1plus1...187....................185............174............... .11 lindata...............174....................171.5............169..... .. ..........2.5 Skinny_Jill........151.....................150...........143.......... ........7 mrskrzyz...........172.....................172...........162.......... .......10 kalipso2...........172.....................172...........165.......... ..........7 scarecrow.........190.....................190............180.......... .......10 Foofy.................226....................223............212....... ..........11 Hollyberries......245.....................245............240.......... ........5 Hey, my weight got bounced back up up to 170 - at this point, I want credit for every ounce!

Sounds like you are handling it well... thank God, sounds like it could've been a lot worse.

Hi Everyone, So I've been waiting for the chance to say hello while on a two week family trip to America. I'm here with my four year old son for my nephew's Bar Mitzva, which is this coming weekend. Meanwhile, we've been making the rounds of neighborhood playgrounds, family and friends, while based out of my parents' home in the Bronx. This has been in many ways a gratifying visit for me. I'm 120 pounds lighter than I was at my highest weight, and 60 pounds lighter than I was during my last trip to America back in April. Everyone has been very complimentary, which has been very nice. Compliments used to be a problem for me: I used to obsess on what so-and so said or didn't say and when and how it was said or wasn't said. All of that isn't important to me now. I'm not why, but I am sure am glad about it -it frees up a lot of brain cells and emotional space, both of which I have better uses for. My dad is suffering from advanced Parkinson's Disease. At nearly 30 years since he was diagnosed, he is wheelchair bound, delusional, unable to feed himself or attend to his own hygiene. My Mom is caring for him at home in the same apartment we grew up in, which is not adapted for handicapped use. She has daily aides coming in for about 5-6 hours a day. It is a very trying situation. For me, at day's end, the urge to eat is often overwhelming. Trying to help out, attending to my lovely little boy's needs and keeping to my own schedule leaves me exhausted and feeling like I need/deserve compensation. Remember - this is my childhood home, where my overeating was born, too. I've really been doing okay with all this, though. food talks to me much less than ever before, and when I do overeat (not easy to do, thankfully, with my degree of restriction) I don't beat myself up for it. It's amazing how food-centered life in America is - restaurants and fast food joints, signs, commercials, smells - and then the barrage of noise about obesity and dieting: newspaper articles, specials on the news; one store that I was in had a full aisle of books devoted equally to cookbooks and diet guides/calorie counters! What a schizophrenic society! When I have gone out to restaurants, appetizers and Soups satisfy me completely - haven't had an entree yet. I made one takeout pint of Moo Shoo Beef last for three meals. I'm basically eating like I have for the last couple of months - coffee, hot and cold beverages till lunch -small meal- and then another small meal at dinnertime. Gotta go - the boy needs some lovin'. Take care, all of you -

4 more pounds lost, nice to see the scale moving again- and what's more, in America, land of the four major food groups: pizza, Chinese, Italian and my family's cooking (of these four, I have only had very small portions of 2,3 and 4. My pizza days are over).