bandpal

Dear Sades, First, forgive yourself. Let yourself get better. Treat yourself as you would your best friend (I know this is not always easy). Being sick and getting motivated are strange bedfellows. Of course you feel burnt out and without emotional strength - look at what you've been through! Speaking for myself, if I can't accept and love myself for feeling the way I do, ain't no way I'm moving past those feelings. You can't "get back into it" because there is no "it" to get back into. You are in a new and different place - after a second operation, with a new band. The last eight months don't matter any more than you choose to let them. Write youself a blank check when you're ready to. September 3rd is just around the corner. I can already hear your future laughter about these tough couple of days. Please excuse my directness and take it as a sign of my affection for you.

Wendy, that was a moving, heartwarming story. Thanks so much for sharing the glow with us. I will carry it around inside of me all day. What an amazing feeling, to have so much love from your husband and from so many other people directed at you all at once. Happy Anniversary and best wishes for a speedy recovery to your Mom.

So that's it – I'm six cc's full. I had a beautiful ride up through the desert night in a 2008 Mazda with cruise control and a souped up sound system blasting Amy Winehouse, Terry Oldfield's Spirit of the World and an Israeli artist named MC Carolina who sings reggae tunes in heavily accented English. I drove up with a friend of mine from the kibbutz who was banded four months ago. There are at least seven of us in this little community of 500 whom have undergone some kind of WLS – pretty wild, huh? We were in and out of the clinic in half an hour, and back home shortly after midnight – two and a half hours there, half an hour in the office, two and a half hours back. Worth every minute. My friend is reading "When Love is Hunger" by Geneen Roth. Have any of you read it, or any other of her books? I slept last night without my CPAP. My doctor was surprised when I told him last night when I told him I was still using it. I'm waiting to get down to 80 kilo (176 lbs) before scheduling another night at the sleep clinic, but he told me to try sleeping without it now and to see how I feel. No objections here - maybe the world has seen the last of "Old Hose Nose", as my wife fondly nicknamed me. Anyway, it's nice to feel tight, to feel that delicious gurgle of water slowly percolating down inside my chest, and to feel nearly no hunger all day. I was in Eilat today and tried on a pair of size 34 jeans – I'm probably two week away from them. I also picked up a nice brown leather medium size belt. God, it's so good to be in this place – no more hiding from my reflection in mirror plated elevators, no more breaking out in a cold sweat of self hate in dressing rooms, no more feeling outrageously self conscious about dancing at our little pub or having people stand up and move out from behind the table so I can get by… it's so good just to feel a little closer, a little in sync with the rest of the world! That's it for now. I am working the late shift our Educational Tourism reception Center, I'll be here until 11:00pm, surrounded by ice cream, home-baked chocolate chip cookies, cheese cake and apple pie and completely indifferent to it all. Have a great day, everyone!

Ode to My Third Fill Tonight is my third fill. Insurance foots the bill, My bank account can chill. But hold it on the grill - 'Cause I wont eat until, There's frost upon the hill. Not one green sprig of dill, Shall pass though stomachville (perhaps i'll take a pill, that's been put through the mill). Who doesn't know the drill: At first I'll feel ill; Some spittle I will spill Upon the window-sill. I'll gasp and gag so shrill, You'd think I had a gill (it's not for every Jill, and not for every Phil). The Band's an act of will, Takes quite a bit of skill, But willing I am still, So through my port, Doc, drill - And my sweet dream fulfill!!!

I wish I knew how much my life would change for the better... I would've done this years before! Good luck!!!

I had a difficult morning at work today including a tense encounter with a co-worker. Thankfully, I didn't lose my temper or give into my propensity to feel sorry for myself or to continue to play the situation over again in my mind, deepening whatever feelings of anger or resentment I had developed. Instead I was able to express my frustration, apologize for my part and even see the humor in having had so many little obstacles put in my path early in the morning. Why am I sharing this with you? I can only speak for myself in six little words: this is what I ate over. Only by working on myself during this magical interval that the band has given me am I going to be able to make anything more than a temporary dent in the weight loss I am currently enjoying now. It's not easy for me. I have to fight my own denial and escapism for every drop of introspection, but I've obviously made some progress if I managed to sidestep what could've been a very upsetting morning. I'm thrilled with all the weight I've lost, and it's inspiring to read everyone else's posts about their progress. Soon I will hit the 100 pound mark, and that will surely be a happy day for me. But you know what guys? I got a little voice inside of me that says: "The only thing that really means is that you had 100 pounds to lose". Nearly all the weight I've lost is weight I've lost and gained before. Every number I delight in now as I step on the scale is a number I cursed before when I saw it years ago on the way up! My focus has to be on how to maintain this incredible change in my life, and for me, just for me, I know that this answer has to come from working on my emotions through some sort of a spiritual connection. What about you guys? Is any of this relevent for you? I truly don't mean to offend anyone or downplay anyone's accomplishments. I speak only for and of myself. I know my poetry thread didn't go over very big, but here's another poem which speaks (to me, at least) of some the issues I've mentioned above. I hope you enjoy it. Love to all of you, Bandpal Tired of Speaking Sweetly Love wants to reach out and manhandle us, Break all our teacup talk of God. If you had the courage and Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights, He would just drag you around the room By your hair, Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world That bring you no joy. Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly And wants to rip to shreds All your erroneous notions of truth That make you fight within yourself, dear one, And with others, Causing the world to weep On too many fine days. God wants to manhandle us, Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself And practice His dropkick. The Beloved sometimes wants To do us a great favor: Hold us upside down And shake all the nonsense out. But when we hear He is in such a "playful drunken mood" Most everyone I know Quickly packs their bags and hightails it Out of town. - Hafiz

Hey Cass - sounds like you gave yourself a great birthday present! Good luck with your first fill...

Congratulations, Harp - Let's see... I was in the hospital at 12:00pm and out on the street in a driving rain at 06:30 the next morning, so sometimes a delay can be a blessing in disguise. Good luck with the next few weeks, you are starting on a great adventure.

Congratulations, Jewels! It's important for all of us to remember how much we wanted this thing and how much we waited for it. Wishing you smooth sailing until the big day!

Hi Nicole, You might want to check out http://www.nutritiondata.com/ . When you look up the nutritional data of a food, they also present a "Nutritional Target Map" which displays how filling that food is as opposed to its' nutritional value. Some filling and nutritious mushy examples: Food qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqFullness Factor qCalories pumpkin, canned, without salt qqqqq4.4/5qqqqq 83/cup Beets, cooked, boiled, drained qqqqq3.7/5 qqqqq37/ 1/2 cup CREAM OF WHEAT, instant, prepared with Water, without salt qqqqqqqqqq3/5 qqqqqqq149/cup Oat Branqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq3.95/5qqqqq 88/cup zucchini, includes skin, cooked, boiled, drained, with salt qq4/5 qqqqqqq31/cup Good luck... having just enjoyed an hour of root canal, I'm back to mushies myself for a few days...

Good Luck Spealex, We're all rooting for you!!!

Good Luck, Beth! In some ways, what you're doing now sounds harder than the post op diet because you're doing it on an unbanded stomach. But believe me - if it all goes okay and you're ready to give the process suopport, there are miracles waiting for you ahead (check out the details in my signature if you want an example). Best of luck, keep in touch!

Hi Shortgal, For me the band is a tool, something I was fortunate enough to find at a time when I felt completely hopeless. I was 130 pounds overweight. I had gained fifty pounds since I had started to see a dietician. I was picking up comorbidities like sh-t gathers flies, and I hated myself. Into my life came this tool that made me feel full after eating almost nothing; that made binging much more difficult than it had been before, and that produced immediate and dramatic weight loss. I will always be grateful. I will never know whether the band saved my life, but as far as my quality of life is concerned - no question there. However, the band is a temporary tool - an intervention, a leveling of the playing field. Now that the field is nearly level (60 or so pounds away) I have to think about how to maintain my loss, a maintanaince which may very well take place without the band. This is a time for me to internalize the things which the band has helped me to feel. I know I will not die if I don't have my nightly inhaling session with the fridge. I know one bad day doesn't have to lead to another. I know that I lived for a week on liquids and that nothing happened to me. I know what feeling full and not stuffed feels like. And I know a lot more about the empty places inside of me which lead to my binging, and how to approach them. We all have to prepare for life without the band. You just got there sooner than we did. I'm so sorry for the way it happened, but I hope you'll keep sharing with us because we are all going to be where you are at some point in our lives, and this is just another way in which our shared experience can help each other. Your experiences have a lot of value to us. Amd, whatever benefits you did or didn't get from the band, you got our friendship and support - hang on to that!

Thanks Froggi - I'll be stopping by.

Poetry has been a way for me to take full advantage of my band by keeping myself focused and centered in the present moment, so that I am not overwhelmed by guilt and shame from the past or fear and worry of the future (which invariably leads me to overeat, abusing the incredible opportunity which the band has given me). I'd like to share one of the poems I've read with you. I invite you to share your thoughts and feelings (I've added mine below) , and contribute poems or readings which have helped you along the way as well. If you keep seeking the jewel of understanding, then you are a mine of understanding in the making. If you live to reach the Essence one day, then your life itself is an expression of the Essence. Know that in the final analysis you are that which you search for. - Abu-Said Abil-Kheir (967 - 1049) This poem hit me right between the eyes... "you are that which you search for". So what am I if I dig in the fridge at 12:30 am... if I jump on the slightest imperfection in my wife's behavior... if I hang on a gossip-filled discussion, drinking it all in or waiting to throw more wood on the fire? How can I search for ways which will make me feel secure, content, ways will let me feel peace and joy and share that peace and joy with others? Is my searching drawing me toward my next binge or leading me further away from it, step by step? What do you guys think? What are you searching for?

Poetry has been a way for me to take full advantage of my band by keeping myself focused and centered in the present moment, so that I am not overwhelmed by guilt and shame from the past or fear and worry of the future (which invariably leads me to overeat, abusing the incredible opportunity which the band has given me). I'd like to share one of the poems I've read with you. I invite you to share your thoughts and feelings (I've added mine below) , and contribute poems or readings which have helped you as well. If you keep seeking the jewel of understanding, then you are a mine of understanding in the making. If you live to reach the Essence one day, then your life itself is an expression of the Essence. Know that in the final analysis you are that which you search for. This poem hit me right between the eyes... "you are that which you search for". So what am I if I dig in the fridge at 12:30 am... if I jump on the slightest imperfection in my wife's behavior... if I hang on a gossip-filled discussion, drinking it all in or waiting to throw more wood on the fire? How can I search for ways which will make me feel secure, content, ways will let me feel peace and joy and share that peace and joy with others? Is my searching drawing me toward my next binge or leading me further away from it, step by step? What do you guys think? What are you searching for?

Dear Judy, I was sad to read that your band had to be removed. I know that you can make the best of your situation. It's true that you did make great strides forward with apparently no restriction and that is an accomplishment which I hope you can appreciate and build on. Take things day by day. I truly feel for you and wish you all the best. Love, Bandpal

ROLL-CALL 1st Cindyg1212 PattyPoo Nessa3678 brandymom1234 Mom_of_Chuy sanderro Holiwood Longhorn Forestcat Rhea Sades edeva3 Teresajo 2nd lizzie_07 lindata KristinaDawnB lindseyann2u sconie pam726 4th QatarPhil 5th DLW wnt2lose jelbel 6th Wishes4444(Ann) Diva Inside ndmom kandiceb jetti vanessav hollyberries LangleyGirl 7th Goldie1109 susieq125 shadst83 Cota129 Imonmyway7368 MyLady 8th anw5102 dawndannae stranger138 needto ebrow39 Bandstertobe zippykat QUEENMOTHEROF1 Melanie1972 9th Banded4Life neen7171 maccy mariaxoxo4u Kristin1031 Carsons mommy chubbydiva Miztrniceguy 10th Selisejohnson omlagirl jen6740 anitak33 12th suebob Shalee04 Foofy 13th CCFRA Princessannod1 Tralynn222 sschude BandChick64 -acl- (Amy) 14th lightenup! dream'n2bthin Life Change (Eulete) carleah2 emnasmom 15th steph_cn RxTracy Hopping to It- Danna sunshiny Tete2 kickrmom 16th Laurieu sstaab 19th Mrs Smartypants Momto1plus1 MusigalF lisawach 20th Skinny_Jill blondecz (Crissy) Firebolt (Judy) Cuerposano (Diana) Mysie 21st Bobp Bandpal 22nd luvmy4boys 23rd FlaLMT and fiance HoneyB-Palomino & mom 26th kuchiegrl1 Motocrossgirly jrsyshoregrl684 (Bypass) BigDoug143 BarBee hungryforchange 27th 731Shawty Cherlita Julie-Ann plump_princess HAJohnson1 28th lukin puppy TxArcher shortgal 29th Sassafras TAWHarris McQty close 4mykidzinVale (Surgery in Bend, Oregon) 30th WorththeWeight samorelli Southerngal - Happy to be here, Bandpal

The swelling did eventually go down, during the third week. Had my doctor been closer and more accessible, I think I would've had an unfill. I didn't dehydrate, but the possibility was definitely on my mind (it's so hot here as it is, after all). My worst fear was that the violent vomiting which can accompany dehydration would tear the band out. Everyone has to trust their own feeling.

Dear Sades, You are number one in my book - your courage, persistence and rugged Aussie optimism are as invigorating as sunshine. If you were a soccer player, I would wear your jersey. It would probably look like this: Onya, mate! - Bandpal

Congratulations to all NSV'ers. My own news in this department is that I have gone a while now without eating at night. This has been a central problem in my life. It has caused me to isolate, lie, and cultivate guilt, anger, frustration and despair. It has blocked me from establishing any substantiol, long lasting spiritual connection. Of course it has also contributed greatly to my continual weight gain over the years. For me the answer has been a spiritual one. I need to feel that I am not alone – that there is an entity out there (and not only out there- all around me) that can help me; that I am accountable to and from whom there are no time-outs and no secrets. When I lie in bed at night, I try to sense God's presence all around me – in the breeze, the blankets wrapped around me, my wife's breathing beside me, even in the shadows on the wall. That, for me, makes me feel safe and keeps me from running away and plugging up my empty spaces with food. I need to keep this connection throughout the day. For me, even though I'm no longer a member of Overeaters Anonymous, this line from the Big Book is key: "We are not cured ... What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." I don't intend to proselytize – this is just what works for me.

Glad to hear you're feeling better, Cindy. It took me two weeks to get anything down after my second fill. I even pb'd water a few times. I waited it out that time, but it's all about what makes you feel comfortable. I have a fill appointment coming up in a few weeks and I can tell you right now it's going to be a small one. Wishing you peace and happiness, Bandpal