makemyownluck

I think I'll always be fat. I'm actually okay with that. I was near 500lbs when I started this journey. My physical ability was nearly non-existent. Had I not had my sleeve, I would probably need motorized cars at stores at this point. I've lost over 150lbs. My lowest weight was 317 at 2 years post op, and then.... I got pregnant! See, life changed completely after my sleeve. I had been perpetually single for 5+ years during the prime of my life - late 20s - early 30s. I got sleeved, after months of depression thinking my life would never be what I wanted if I didn't lose weight. I wanted a good man. I wanted children. I had no confidence in myself that I could have that because I was fat. I see now how really sad that is, and how hard I was on myself. So, I started dating (a LOT, embarrassing to think about, actually) and eventually got set up on a blind date with G and the rest... is history. Except that his past is complicated and not quite in his past completely - and now we live together, have 50/50 custody of his 7 year old daughter and I JUST HAD MY FIRST BABY in May. More on that, later. It's really quite incredible how life has changed! My body is a wreck. I already had loose skin so I didn't even look pregnant during my pregnancy... not even THE DAY I gave birth to a 9 lb baby boy! But I reread my entry from right after surgery and the same has held true - I'm so amazed and impressed with what my body can do. I survived being severely obese, I survived high blood pressure, surgery, gestating a baby, having a c-section - and I feel great (for a 35 year old FTM of a newborn). I'm still working on turning over a leaf I started turning when I had surgery. Nearly 2 1/2 years have gone by and I still have a long way to go if I ever want to be on that "Overweight" BMI category. But I don't care. I'm working on losing weight after having a baby with the same attitude as post-op. I want my life to be better. Now my goal is a little different: I want to be the best mom and play with my baby. *who just woke up!* No one is perfect. Some bodies are bigger than others. I'm okay with being the best I can be, whatever that may be. Back on the ride to get my body moving again! Pregnancy is hard, but that's no longer an excuse. My baby is going to have me running after him soon enough, I'd better prepare for that! Let's see just how far I can go for my son.

It's natural to be nervous. Let it keep you focused on the future. The changes are considerable, but honestly, post op life feels completely natural to me. I'm 3 months out and have lost 58lbs in 3 months. I'm exactly 100lbs down from my highest weight in November 2012. It took me 6 months to lose 42lbs pre op, which included a lot of suffering through depriving myself of food and pushing myself on exercise.Now post op, I've lost 58lbs in 3 months and I never feel deprived. I can eat what I want, just a LOT less. I have to REMIND myself to eat all the time, especially if I have a busy day. And when I'm lazy at home, I'm not grazing constantly. Food is THE LAST thing on my mind. In my experience, it's all felt very natural. And I love it. I love it when people ask "Oh, is that all you're eating?" YES. Yes it is. And I'll enjoy it and be happy with just these few bites... and as far as exercising post op - i do it, but not religiously. I feel more desire to be active now that I've lost weight - so I go walking with a friend a few times a week or I do crunches and leg lifts on the couch when I'm watching TV. None of it feels like effort to live this life... you're going to be so happy - just know the first few days after surgery are the worst and it ONLY gets BETTER AND BETTER AND BETTER. Good luck!

Post-op life has been incredible so far. Even when I was in the hospital right after surgery, I was so positive. I was so thankful to the nurses, doctors and hospital staff - and I told them so endlessly - that many of them told me that I was the sweetest patient they'd had in a long time. Why? Because I was so thankful to be alive, to be doing okay (in pain, but no complications), to have them helping me, to know that IT WAS DONE... I just couldn't help but want to thank each of them so much for being there to help me through the hardest part (first few days post op). It was wonderful. Through all the pain and discomfort, I was guided by the idea that this is exactly what I wanted. I was exactly where I wanted to be. It was only gonna get BETTER from there. And it has. SO MUCH!!!! So, last Thursday was my 12 weeks post op. My stats: High weight: 459 Surgery date: 417 Today: 370. In 11 more lbs, I'll be at 100lbs down. And my high weight is from November 2012, so in LESS THAN A YEAR (cuz I know 11lbs will be coming off soon) I will have lost 100lbs. This surgery is my miracle. And I am an agnostic cynic who doesn't really believe in miracles. At my highest weight, it was impossible for me to have any sense of fashion or feeling cute in clothes. All my pants had to be ordered online and were usually somewhat ill-fitting. Almost all my clothes were bought from catalogs because plus size store tops were just too snug, even in the highest size. About 6 yrs ago was the last time I was able to buy pants at a store. Tops were okay, but jeans/pants were too small. Well, now just about everything I have is way too big. So, I started pulling clothes out of "the archives" a few weeks ago. I had held on to some of my nicer work clothes from Lane Bryant from about 5-6 yrs ago when I could still fit in them. Now, even those are all getting too big. The smallest size I remember being in my adult life is 26/28 and 12 weeks post op IT'S TOO BIG. I still find it so hard to believe! Well, I went clothes shopping this weekend. I waltzed into the Lane Bryant outlet and grabbed a pair of 28 jeans thinking "I'm sure all my old clothes are stretched out/worn in. So we'll see just how much more I have to lose before these brand new ones will fit", guessing that I'd get them pulled up but would have trouble buttoning them. Wrong. More like "Um, Miss, can you get me a 26?" A 26!!!!! And yes, I realize this is still big. I have a long way to go still, but just the idea of buying something in a store - something smaller than I would have bought even 5 years ago - it blows my mind!!! I got a bunch of cute tops in size 22/24 - and by the end of summer THOSE will be too big because they are already just a tiny bit big in the shoulder area. Anyway, aside from the clothes shopping (which I always LOVED back when I could actually shop in stores, so it kinda made me giddy to be able to do it again!) - I also have some NSVs. I've started parking on the 3rd floor in the parking garage at work. I was on the 2nd and would take the stairs every day. There are 5 floors, so I want to work my way up. Not sure how long it will take, but I just want to be able to do it! I can cross my legs at the knee. My thighs are still so huge (UGH), but small enough that I can cross my legs, and I was NEVER really able to do that comfortably in my LIFE. I moved my seat up in my car about 2 inches. Never thought that would be something I'd have to do because I'm almost 6 ft tall, but without my gut (well, with LESS of a gut) I felt a mile away from the steering wheel! I no longer fear any chair. Sometimes arms with chairs were just too tight and I couldn't sit in them. Now, I don't have that problem. Next challenge - sitting in a booth at a restaurant! this last one may sound snarky - but I have an overweight friend who's been acting a lil jealous of me lately because my weight loss is getting noticeable. I'm REALLLY close (if not already there, really), to being smaller than her. I've ALWAYS been the biggest friend. Always. I know that may sound petty - but I am just so sick of being the fattest person in my family, at work, in the store, of my friends - I have always been the fattest person... and now - I'm not! however that comes across, there is something about that fact that makes me proud of what I've accomplished! And last but not least - I met a guy. He's a really good one, too - so far. I haven't shared all my secrets with him or anything, it's still really new. But I do thoroughly enjoy him and want to see where this could go. It's got some potential! I haven't had the confidence to date in YEARS, and I go on this one blind date and am lucky enough to meet a really great guy. Another miracle? I dunno. Maybe I've been overdue for some miracles in my life! lol Anyway, that's about all I got to share at this point. Hope everyone else is doing well out there, too! <3 <3

LOVE premier - super jealous that you have the resealable kind because my local Costco just has the pull tops that aren't resealable. That said, the chocolate is fantastic. I have some vanilla ones to mix with other things - but they are a little too sweet for my taste on their own. However, mixed with some fresh berries, or peanut butter, or SF Chai powder, they taste great. Same cal/protein content as the chocolate. I've been using these since pre-op, my NUT gives them 2 thumbs up!

I had surgery exactly 2 wks ago today. I can't help but think I'm jumping the gun going back to work (this coming from the woman who asked her surgeon if it was possible to get back to work in ONE week, now suddenly I wish I had two more weeks!). I had mush brain for most of the afternoon. I had to sit through a reallllly stupid meeting for an hour and a half this morning and I basically spent the entire day resisting the urge to run out of the building and never come back. I don't know if it's a coincidence or what, but after feeling great for about a week, I get back to work today and had a LOT pain on my left hand side. I think it's from the office chairs at work, which have always been uncomfortable. They are not built for fat people, let me tell you. I always feel like I'm spilling out of the thing and that it's not long enough in the seat to sit in any comfortable way. Well, with all the repositioning I have to do all day in that chair, I think it took its toll and my left side of by belly was aching by mid-morning. I hate my job. Actually, my actual JOB is something I enjoy, I just really dislike the company and management. If I could work from home, I'd never leave my job!! Being away from it really amplified that fact, because going back felt like a shock to my system. I missed having a nap, I missed being able to sleep in, I missed being able to wear comfy pajamas all day. Basically, I missed being on leave! In the back of my mind, when I decided to have this surgery, I said "When I lose some weight, I'm looking for a new job." I went on a few interviews in the past year or so and always get passed over. I even had an interview at a company that a fellow coworker also interviewed for. She was not as qualified as I am, had way less experience, and I can only conclude that she got the job because she's thin and pretty. I don't mean to sound hateful, she was one of my closest work buddies and I miss her, but it just seemed like that's what got her hired. I remember going to that interview and not seeing a single fat woman there. That's just the society we live in. All of the jobs I've gotten, I was interviewed by an overweight woman. All the jobs I DON'T get are when I'm interviewed by a man or by a thin woman. No, I didn't have this surgery to find a job. But I think if I can be slimmer, dress better and have more confidence, I'll be headed in the right direction to getting a new gig. Hopefully one that pays as well, because money is THE ONLY thing keeping me at my current job! :\ That was an unexpected tangent - but I can also share that I've moved on to the next diet stage, which includes soft meats like fish and deli meat. I haven't tried fish yet (not a huge fan, but would like to try it), but the deli turkey is working out great. I can have 1 or 2 slices and feel full. I haven't felt any hunger yet, but I am still fighting the urge to eat cuz I'm bored. That should calm down now that I'm back and work and out of the house most of the day. It was tough not reverting to old habits when I was just lounging around the house for days on end! Thankfully, even if I did eat out of boredom, I can eat so little that it's not a huge impact. Everything is going into MFP - I promised myself that I would track better after surgery, and I have. I'm getting in about 800-1000 cals and 90-110g protein per day. Part of me thinks that is too much/too soon, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not. I don't plan to bump my calories up too much as I move through the stages, and I'm happy that I'm not struggling with the protein. Everything I have tried has gone down just fine. I've had a bit of gas here and there, but I just burp and feel fine. No pain, no vomiting or over stuffing myself yet. Been feeling okay overall... just bummed I'm not independently wealthy. I've lost 21lbs since surgery 2 wks ago, but after the first week (which was mostly gas/fluids/swelling, my weight loss has slowed down. It's been 1lb every other day. I KNOWWW that's not bad, but considering that I started with a high BMI, I was hoping to be one of those folks whose weight slides right off. We'll see what happens. I'm hoping my soreness in my tummy with fade in the next 2 weeks so I can REALLY hit it at the gym. I feel like I can't even walk that fast right now because my belly moves around and hurts to much. Well, I'm going to try for that nap I've been wishing for all day! Hope all my fellow May sleevers are doing well!

May 2nd seems like such a long time ago. When I think of how I was feeling that day and how I feel today, it truly makes me so proud of my body. My body that I've abused with a lifetime of overeating. My body that had to wait patiently for years for my mind to realize it was time to make a change. My body that has recovered so beautifully and allowed me to be as comfortable as possible through every last thing I've put it through. I could cry. For the first time ever, I love my body. The day of surgery, my blood pressure was good. I hadn't been on any bp meds since 8 days prior, per my PCP because my bp was getting too low and I was feeling very faint because of it. I was already so impressed with my heart being able to recover so quickly from hypertension and I had only lost 50lbs. I know that 50lbs is quite an accomplishment, but I'm still in need of losing 200 or more (if I can without skin removal), so it seems like just a post in a very long road. I'm teetering on the brink of the 300s. This morning, my scale went between 399 and 402 before settling on 400.2. I could very well be in Tres Town when I wake up tomorrow! I couldn't believe it when the digital scale went down to 399! It's amazing. I'm so pleased with everything so far. So here's my saga of surgery and recovery to present. This is more for my own reflection later, but I thought it might help someone who's starting their journey soon. I couldn't sleep the night before surgery. Well, I slept, but only for 3 hours. During surgery, my blood pressure went up, so they gave me Labetalol. Immediately after surgery, when I was in recovery, my heart rate dropped to 45. I slept through all of this. In fact, most people spend a couple of hours in recovery, and I slept for 6 hours in recovery instead. My blood pressure was normal and once I woke up, they sent me to my room. Moving from bed to bed was very, very painful. The nurses had to check me for bed sores and roll me around and I didn't even have the energy to cry. AS SOON as they were done, they gave me morphine. I tried to get comfortable but my back was hurting. My parents came to say hello and visit, but I was tired and it was late, so they left to go home. When my nurse came to check on me, I told her my back was hurting, so she called to get me a new bed. This was a blessing and a curse. The new bed was great, but I had to change beds again! It was an air mattress and so comfy I didn't need a pillow under my head. The nurse so kindly helped me brush my teeth and wash my face from bed and got me some mouth swabs because I couldn't have liquids til my upper GI the next morning. I sent a few texts to friends to let them know I was okay, then slept til morning when they came to take me for the GI. That upper GI was painful also. Moving was really hard. My tummy is so big and giggly, every movement was painful and sore. When I went back to my room, they removed my catheter and brought me breakfast - beef broth (gross), coffee (why?), orange juice (again, acidy, why?), and green jello. The nastiest of all the jellos. I was pouting thinking there was nothing that I could eat and then I saw - cherry Italian ice cup. HEAVEN! Granted, it was about 3 baby bites of heaven, but I was so happy. I was sleeping through most of the day when the nurse came in and checked my bp to find that it was 80/40. She walked in while I was sleeping and my heart rate was 40. They put me on a holter monitor and ran an EKG which said I had a grade 1 A-V block and a mild arrhythmia. The on call doc saw me and said he believed it was due to the anethesia and morphine, and that because I was improving, it wasn't a need for major concern. He suggested I follow up with my PCP, who might send me to a cardiologist for an echo, depending on how a repeat EKG goes. I felt dehydrated and a little weak, they tried to take blood but literally could only get drops before my vein would collapse. I was eerily calm through all of this. My parents weren't going to come visit me that day because they live almost 2 hours from Chicago. I had talked to my parents first thing in the morning and all of this took place after the nap I took after I spoke to them. I'd told them they could just come Saturday when I knew I was going to get released. I didn't even think to call them when all of this heart business happened, because in my mind, I felt like I knew it was just anesthesia and the morphine and I just wasn't scared. I got up and walked around more because they took out the catheter, so I HAD to get up to use the bathroom. I walked around my room as best I could and then just slept. I never turned my TV on ONCE while I was there. Not once!! I made myself drink more water. I made myself walk. And later that night, my bp was up. My heart rate was up. I still have a mild arrhythmia, but the nurse said it's benign and my PCP already knows about it. My stay at the hospital was great. The nurses and techs were all really genuinely friendly and kind and helpful. The staff at my surgeons office has been excellent, too. My follow up visit was Friday, 8 days post op, and it was good. I lost 13lbs in 8 days. I'm at 17lbs lost in 10 days now. I'm on soft foods now and I cooked myself some soup yesterday, made some protein pudding, and just felt like I was having a normal weekend. I love making soup on Saturdays and having several cups through the day as it cooks more and more. I was able to have that same experience this weekend, but my total trips to the soup only totalled 1.5 cups of soup for the day. That's exactly what I wanted from the sleeve. Yes, I've made and will continue to make many healthy changes in my life. But if I want to have a lazy day of eating, the sleeve will let me do it and still lose weight. I don't have to lose myself in this surgery. Now the "living the rest of my life" begins, and I'm so, so happy to be here. I'm grateful my body has made it through all of this. I can't wait to see what my body can do when it's lost this weight. It feels nice to love myself again, and the affection will only get better from here!

OH NO!!!! Ha, I woulda been doing the exact same thing trying to get out all the salt! :( That stinks, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! ((HUG))

I'm a week post op today, and the pre-op diet was harder than anything I've experience post op! But try to keep your eye on the prize... it will be worth it in the end, and by day 3 or 4 of my pre-op diet, my hunger was completely gone - and hasn't returned yet! good luck, you will make it! DON'T CHEAT! I know you didn't say you did, but cheating, even a little, keeps you on the hunger train... The trick is to cut out your processed sugars and carbs so that you aren't feeding the beast and still feeling hungry all day. You can do this!!

enjoy Vegas! I know I found it hard not to indulge in everything since it felt like "the last time". I think that's normal, and good to get it outta your system!

I'm a singer, too. Funny that I worry that I won't be able to sing as powerfully without my weight backing me up. I've read about opera singers who can't perform the same way after losing weight... and I was classically trained in opera, so even singing popular music, I use the same techniques! I'm hoping for more confidence to get out there and share my gifts with others as well! I wanna re-do all my youtube vids and actually SHARE them with people!

Welcome! I'm pre-op, having surgery on Thursday. I've been in "the process" of getting this surgery approved since July of last year, so I've also had a lot of time to think about what it will be like on the other side... The best I can tell you is that when you choose the sleeve, you're choosing an "as normal as possible" life post-op. Yes, you'll be tender and have a hard time bending over for a few weeks, and the stages of diet post-op are probably going to be a challenge, but ultimately, we will be able to eat the things we want, just much, much less of it. Some people do develop food sensitivities after surgery, but it's not as common as it is with gastric bypass. I've been dieting since July and honestly, my tastes have already changed. I went through major carb withdrawal, but now a giant bowl of pasta doesn't even sound good to me - and I used to eat pasta nearly everyday! But even if my taste for pasta was still there, post-op I simply wouldn't not be capable of eating as much, so even if I do "indulge" in it, it won't be in the amount I was doing before! I'm looking forward to being able to have a small portion of anything and being satisfied. I've lived too long as the person who can EAT THE WHOLE THING (whatever 'thing' that may be). The combo of being excited and scared is interesting, isn't it?? From what I've seen around this forum, it's totally natural! Welcome to the board, I hope you get a response from Medicaid soon so you can schedule your surgery!!! Good luck!

I don't think you'll ever be able to forget your pre-sleeved self... but it definitely doesn't hurt to record how you're feeling for posterity! I'm getting sleeved on May 2nd, so it will be cool to see how you progress. I wish you great success and a speedy recovery! Your future self is just gonna wonder why you waited so long to do this! (My future self will be saying the same thing, I'm sure of it!)

You ARE obsessed with this topic. But you explain it so hilariously, I don't mind. MOM is my friend as well. I'm glad it helped clear you out like you've been wanting!