♕ajtexas♕

Today at work I had to give a presentation to over 100 staff members, the majority being managers & directors. Before I was banded I would get so nervous fearing all they would see was this talking whale…. Today, I felt confident in myself. I knew the subject matter, I was dressed professionally and I was ready. The presentation went off without any hicks and after it was over my coworker said to me, “Wow, you were so confident up there. How do you do that?” It made me think. I am confident, I am in control, I like myself…. No I love myself. I stand tall! All because in February 2012 I decided to put myself first, to change my lifestyle, to eat right & exercise. I got a tool to help me accomplish this, my band, and together we have done incredible stuff. I have changed and improved myself and today I do stand tall. I thank the band for that!

The princess is pretty smart (Don't tell her I said so). She knows how to work this! Congrats on a great game plan.

I will break it in on Thursday, since that is my birthday! Can't wait!

Princess, you didn't forget my birthday, it's on Thursday (9th). This is right on time!!!

When I discovered LBT I was 4 months into my journey, like most I would read a lot of posts and on occasion I would post. I found myself following 2 ladies and the 3 of us struck up a wonderful friendship. We would goof around, take over threads, insult and love each other. One from Florida, one form North Carolina and myself from Texas we became the three musketeers of LBT. We have never met face to face but to me our friendship is the most precious around. I love both these ladies like sisters. I don’t know what I would do without them. This evening when I got home from work the mailman knocked on my door with a package for me from Florida?! The package was marked Fragile….I haven’t ordered anything on line lately. Who do I know in Florida??? I was puzzled. So I opened the package to find the most thoughtful birthday gift from one of my LBT friends. It was so thoughtful and personalized that I burst into tears. I enjoy my wine and my hot tub, but we all know that wine glasses do not mix with hot tubs. So I got a personalized travel wine glass, it’s called ClearWater Gear and her daughter did the vinyl customizing. I will cherish this gift. Thank you so very much!

Congrats on the new band. Rest up and heal, good luck to you.

Thanks everyone, you guys are the best!!! Today was a new day and it's onward and upward!

Thanks Arlene. One of the things I stress to myself as well as other is to be honest. Writing this blog and logging all 9 ice creams in MyFitnessPal is being honest to myself & that is important to me. You are right tomorrow is a new day.

Many of you know my story, banded February 2012, reached my goal weight in December 2012 and have been trying to maintain that weight since. Many of you say I’m a success and look to me for advice & guidance. My biggest fear with this journey has been gaining my weight back once I reached my goal. I never feared the surgery or the weight loss; I knew I could do it. But, could I handle maintaining this weight for the rest of my life? Tonight, I failed. I failed myself, I failed my band and I failed my family. I am so disgusted with myself that I want to hide in a corner so no one will know….. But, I must face it and confess. I had purchased a box of chocolate drumstick ice cream cones for my step daughter this weekend. She ate 1; tonight I ate the other 9. YES 9! At 170 calories that is 1, 530 calories in less than 1 hour. One right after the other, big bites shoving them down as fast as I wanted. The band didn’t stop me, in fact it didn't make a sound, let me gobble away a lot of hard work. I write this confession with tears running down my face. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I knew I would f** it up and I did. I can’t even tell you why I ate them. My evening routine was no different than any other night, wasn’t bored or depressed or stressed. I saw the box, opened one knowing darn well I shouldn’t and then the only thing that stopped me was getting to the bottom of the box. I honestly wished to get sick so I would stop. It was complete sabotage. I was trying to failure. I have to face this and stop it. I do not want to gain weight, I do not want to binge eat like this and have this sick feeling. I had to make myself write this blog, I had to face up to it. This is the only way to grow and learn. I am only human doing the best I can. I will put this behind me and move on.

Member of Tobin James in California and Llano Estacado in Texas. You?

Agree. I just want the newbies to know that they do not have to give up the things they love. All they have to do is manage them in moderation.

I tried to PM you but I got this message: The member Kime-lou can not use the messaging system

I was banded a little over a year ago, I've lost over 80 pounds and I am at my goal weight. I also drink wine every evening. I don’t hide this from anyone. I have posted such information several times and when I get PM’d about it I answer honestly. I knew when I decided to get the band that I would have to change my life and I was more than willing to do just that. But, I was not willing to give up my wine. I enjoy wine, I like the taste. My husband & I often go wine tasting at some of the Texas wineries. So, I decided that wine was going to be a part of my lifestyle. From day one (& before) I have enjoyed my evening wine. Yes, the evening of my surgery I had a glass. I count the empty calories (110 calories for 5oz of wine, approximately) and I am careful. I know that wine relaxes the band right along with you. So if you drink too much and the munchies set in…..everything will go down & then some. I am responsible with my wine. I don’t drink for the effect of the alcohol. I drink wine because of the taste. You wonder, does my doctor know? Of course he does, I tell my doctor everything. Hiding information from your doctor only hurts you. My thoughts are this, if you have something you love and you can manage it then you should enjoy it. Make it a part of your plan. I have a friend that has a treat once a week of their favorite fast food meal, and another who has a single serving bag of Cheetos every day. Depriving yourself will not work. If you are anything like me, you will get resentful and end up splurging and hating yourself after. Enjoy your love, just manage it and you will succeed.

Kim, I understand & completely agree with you. No one knows what it is like to walk in your shoes. Love ya, girlfriend!!!

This rose bush is in front of my house. It stands about 10 feet tall. Love Texas in the spring!!

So very true. You have a wonderful way with words. Thanks for the blog.

I have wine every night, I have since day one. Just remember that they are empty calories, log them in your calories for the day & enjoy!

Today was my monthly appointment at True Results. They always have the patients fill out a questionnaire prior to seeing the NP. It asks what your typical meals are, the size (1/2 cup, 1 cup, 1 ½ cups, etc), what exercise you are doing, and so forth. I answered the questions honestly. I am eating 1 to 1 ½ cups per meal and getting hungry between meals. I am happy to say that I am maintaining my weight of 169 pounds. So I don’t know if it is the head or not. When I met with the NP we discussed this and she told me a story about how the head messes with us. She had a transfer patient come in (they always pull all the fluid out of the band to verify the amount on transfer patients). She pulls out the fluid and puts it right back in (doesn’t add or remove any of the fluid). Two days later the patient calls her saying “I don’t know what you did but I have not restriction.” She has the patient come back in (concerned of a leak), pulls out all the fluid out again (the amount was exactly as it was 2 days earlier) and puts it back (again not adding or removing any fluid). Two days later the patient calls her saying “I am so tight I can’t eat anything” Nothing changed as far as the amount of fluid in her band; it was all in the head. lol I did get a small fill and instructions to get my timer back out and time my bits, put a dime next to my plate for a visual on the size of my bits, and most important, come to the support group on Thursday to help get a hold of this head game I got going on. Maintains is not a walk in the park!

Have you ever taken a bit of something and as you are chewing it you think “this is way too big of a bit” so you stuff half the bit in your cheek and swallow the other half? And a few seconds later you swallow the half in your cheek… How did that work out for you? It has never worked out successfully for me. Usually within minutes I am at the sink or toilet watching the bits go down the drain… sorry if this is TMI. I hate it when this happens and often it happens when I an overly hungry or the meal is really tasty. That makes it even worse because it ends the meal completely for me. So, I have to remember to take small bits, even when it is really really good and chew them completely, otherwise my yellow rose will reject them and I will not enjoy my meal. Lesson learned; I am not a squirrel!

I love my support group. Its once a month at True Results. All the people are banded or going to be banded (that is all True Results does). Glad you enjoyed yours.

Took the banana right out of my mouth......

Goto fitbit.com

Get your ass moving AJ! You have been slacking on this. The Fitbit doesn't lie. It shows that your daily steps are way down, no where near the 10,000 step per day goal. And what happened to taking the stairs at work???? Slacking there too! Vacation is over! First tine tomorrow you will get moving. Tomorrow, hell, what is wrong with right now? Stop typing and get moving! NOW!!!! Will do, just as soon as this video is over. OK, as long as you dance during the video!!!

What a great analogy.