Looking Ahead

Thank you both for sharing your experiences so help me see it will be ok. I'm not sold on it yet...but I will keeping going over in my mind what you have told me. So many days I think I made a mistake remarrying him. I honestly think we have fallen out of love....we are more roomates that love each other 'sometimes'. I hope I'm wrong about how he feels about me, my heart is searching for it anywhere else. I have been overweight my entire life. My first concern of my weight was when I was 6 and my brother and I both weighed and I weighed 77lbs and he YOUR FAT! I just ballooned from there. Not saying it is his fault Im fat, I've just had these feelings for so many years, I have no idea how to retrain my brain. I worry when I get to my size, I'll be afraid to eat worried I'm get back to this ugly person "I" feel I've become. I hope and think I'll feel better after Im in recovery. I will keep you updated. With a tearful and so thankful thank you for your imput. Thanks for listening. Maybe tonight I can get some sleep...going 3 days and little sleep is not helping.

Well, tonight is night two I can't sleep so I thought I'd share some things that are on my mind keeping me up. One is how we strive so hard to look "normal" - according to who or by what doctors notes? In mind mind of growing up is that you have to have long pretty shiney hair, I get that from my Christian upbringing. You should be very respectful to your parents...from my Parents upbringing. You must have small danty feet in which to wear the cute and beautiful shoes that would go with all the up to date styles that only come in zero to size 12/14. In the office where I work, I should dress professional which is hard to do in a size 24. Even with that 12/14 is considered huge while in school. I've always been heavy so I have dealt with this my entire life. You should never speak your mind - keep your thoughts to yourself if you want to keep that friend, keep your job or not be in family war zones. You should always wear makeup and not just any make up...expensive make up....according to the commercials, your eyes will drain, your face will sweat or feel heavy and your skin will look like an oil slick unless you use what "every one else is using". You must aways smile when a man/woman smiles and you and not show offense if you smile first and not get a smile back. You must be the "normal" height for a woman (about 5'6/5'7 ) and for a man ( about 5'9/6'). This is what we see most in movies that makes us compare our lives and bodies to the unrealist world. My husband and I married in 1990, divorced in 1994, remarried in 2002. He says I am fine just how I am. But I can't get past what reality forces me to think I should be. He is never complentary, hardly ever affectionete. Never says Im pretty or I love you just because. Never holds my hand in public or at home. We merely live together. I "think" we are in love but not even sure of that anymore. I have trust issues with him and he thinks life is all about saving money. Working your tail off most every day and not spending it...and if you do..I will hear about how many bills we have...which are all up to date, not is alot of debt. My 2005 truck is paid off in like 3 months. He drives a new truck, my son works for him and drives a new truck. We ARE NOT in trouble. I remarried thinking (from my christian childhood) that it was the right thing to do since we had kids. We did fall back in love and were remarried within 2 months of bumping into each other uptown. Now, we are back , well almost, back to the reason for the divorce. So, that is some of my sleep insomnia thoughts. Here's the rest. I have surgery on Monday...thats less than 48 hours. I haven't been able to heat much this past week. Not unusual to only get in about 300 calories a day. I tried going back to some of my norman veggies and healthy foods to help with the dizziness and lighthead that accompanies my migraines. Well, after being off real food for so long, they taste horrible so I just got get a bottle of water. I can feel how my body is deteriating. Muscle aches, headaches, dizzy, bumping into walls, vomiting after having something like jello. I don't dare call the dr for fear of him canceling. Actually looking for to the hospital stay so someone can get me back on track. Its 245am and I just had a small instant brown rice that actually did taste good. As of this morning my weight was down to 305 from 338 in April. This is just what is exploding on to these keys right now. There is so much more in my mind, I can't shut it off. I have anxiety and panic attacks which is making this all worse. Did I mention my husband is totally against the surgery. He says it stupid to do something that is elective and doesn't understand it not elective for "ME" . I need this emoionally and physically. I told him today, when I asked if he was taking me Monday and was he staying or leaving during surgery.." You haven't been there for me in the journey to get here so I don't expect you to be there after the journey". He just stared at me and said Im not leaving while you are in surgery which just sounds stupid to me considering how he acts on a daily basis. Then there is the dying on the table issue. What would happen to my kids, my mom and dad and grandbaby - I am the caretaker of all. Everything people say to me I hang on to because I don't know if I'll make it through the surgery...nothing is a guarentee. sorry for the spelling-everything is just pouring out right now. So, tell me, does anyone else feel this way or is my mind this warped from an Unrealistic World?

Im ready for monday too. I fought a horrible migriane today. Nothing was staying down. Its been a tiring journey just to get to the surgery. Im ready for a little rest in the hospital and let someone take care of me for 3 days.

I went through that this past week. I was sick of the shakes and dry powder they call food when you add Water if you can stomach the smell ! It was a 600 calorie diet for two weeks. I did have one day when I went out to eat I was so hungry and just plain mad. I had only a small salad and one small plate of veggies. I walked out so happy. Like a person hooked on drugs sneaking a pill like they are hiding it from everyone else. But inside you are the only one it will affect. That night I went to bed so hungry that when I was eating the 600 nasty stuff. Long story short. It didn't affect my weightloss. But did get me onver the hurdle I needed. You are ok, I would say at least 80% or more cheat on the pre diet whether they tell anyone or not. You are human not Superwoman. Not yet anyway. Hang in there...do your best to stay on track. I ate alot of SF Jellos when I needed something different. Even had a couple plain rice cakes for texture one day. Monday is my day and it has all been worth it. By Christman this year, I will be........happy ....just happy with myself and self confident. Good Luck to you. I say a prayer for me and you today to reach our goals.

Doing my happy dance. Sleeve day is Monday. Happy Dance ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Plus down 32 pounds for a good start on pre diet. Top picture is April...just made the decision to change.... Bottom picture was taken today...surgery Monday.. Happy Dance....

Excited...Had my pre admit today and more lab work...Monday Morning here I come !

Thank you for the reply. I feel like a weight has been lifted. This is my first mistake since starting the process in April. I know it be tough but looking foward to getting full faster. Funny thing- I ate tonight some veggies I was craving. Felt full when I left butnow my stomach is growling not like when I eat the nasty shakes and powdered eggs and Soups. That tells alot Thanks again Angie

My surgery is Monday morning...I've been doing the diet packages they gave me since the 11th. Today I lost it...I was hungry, mad and depressed. So my husband and I wen to a buffet where I had a small spinich salad...and plate with cabbage, turnip greens and couple pieces of crab meat. I was giddy but feel guilty now... Did I screw everything up? I can stay straight now for the newxt 3 days. Do you think I screwed myself out of surgery? Ive lost 12 lbs since I started the diet on the 11th. Worried now. I didn't go back for seconds and small amount and I was full...

I havden't even starting thinking about after surgery diet...My dr hasn't discussed what I can have...I know I don't want his diet packets anymore! Guess I'll do a little research andget some things this weekend ....So ready for Monday !!!

Love it !!!!

I have been having SF jello to help get through the days but today is getting to me. I didn't have an appetite at all yesterday, today I could have eat my desk at work!

Thank you. This is a comfort to hear.

Im on day 8 of 14 and having trouble getting myself to eat the items they gave me for the 2 week diet. I almost made it today but missed one meal. Not getting all my water although I usually have about 24-30 oz of water a day not including the shake a day. Im losing weight but dont want to show up Monday morning and them cancel my surgery due to malnutrition...Can you be obese and malnourished? Any ideas for suger free no calorie foods other than crystal light and sf jello?

Maybe a colon cleanse?

Today is day 6 of 14 of my pre op diet. I was so worried about being hungry buts its just the opposite. I was hungry on day one and two...three no so much and 4 -6, I've missed enough of my diet packages to equal on day. Just not that hungry. I know I should take all they gave me for each day, but to think of eating it makes me nauseous. I can go all day on two protein bars and a SF jello. That still leaves the envelope of cream of chicken, chicken noodle and two shakes. Im still losing weight...you think I'll be ok for surgery..I dont want them to do blood work and say Im undernourished or anything.

You were about where I started with my weight loss...I was 338 when I made the decision...I was 318 wehn I went in for my Nuse talk and my surgery is June 25, 2012...May I ask how quickly you lost 100lbs? I know I'll have skin issues and I'm ok with that, I'll deal with that later but so ready to get rid of at least a 100 before Christmas...is thei duable exercising and eating right?

The visit was "ok" I had a trainee with me. She tried to be helpful but she didn't know how. They told me to take Tylenol for pain. Ive been taking Hydros. Something will have to give after the surgery. I was 3 more pounds less ! Im not hungry on the diet foods and shakes they gave me. Day one was horrible but Im on day 5 now and its not bad at all..It wasn't that I overate to get this size, it was what I ate. Anything handy in a package so I didn't have to cook. With them giving me exactly what I can have in a day is great ! Finally found a way to drink the nasty vanilla shakes...add Crystal Light Orange. OMG its good. Tastes like a dreamcylcle . Which gave me another idea of Freeing them in the morning and have them as popciclesat night or throughout my day on weekends.

Today is also day 4 for me. I find im so busy I dont get all my meals and shakes from the dr. My weight is already going down. I drink was and unsweet tea oh my splurge is one SF jello! Makes me smile. I far ...... Its a breeze for me Hoe it stats that way for one more week

Sorry so my typos. Due to my fat fingers.

Here I sit waiting fir mt appt. um 2 hours early because I was afraid to drive around waiting on the appt and end up at McDonalds. My stomach is growling which is embarrassing. I had half of the little bottles of Sprite Zero hopeing it would make the growling start. Still even eith no reason I am terrified he will halt the surgery. In my mind it s still just a dream. Today is day 2 of preop diet. Stoppingy inflamation meds didnt help. In do much psin and afraid to tell the nurse. What if I tell her and cncel my surgery fir the 25 th? How do I exercise being in so much pain it hurts to walk. Ok. Im done venting. Thanks for listening. 35 min till I see the Nurse. Angie

Thank you ! Going to try something. Sorry about the Jerry Montgomery message...my husband logged into facebook and didn't log out ! >

Wow, today was hard. I usually don't snack or eat alot at work....but knowing you can't WOW !~ Now Im home, and it doesn't bother me. I HATE the vanilla shakes....any suggestions to make them better. Someone mentioned an orange powder you can put in them ? Please pray I make it though this week...easier sailing after that. Sitting here concerned if my husband went out to eat or is going to come in expecting me to cook...which I will but it will make it that much harder. What types of sf drinks/shakes got you through this? Day 1 of 14 day diet. Bought the planned diet from my doctor.

My dr said the reaspn for hair loss is not getting enough protein. We'll see.

I just had my last "fat meal" today too. Tomorrow starts a new life style. Excited and afraid of failing. Im watching Extreme WeightLoss on tv right now and everytime she says I can't...he says push through the fear. So, thats what Im going to do...Push, push push to a better and healthier me. Good luck to you.

I have panic attacks that are all the symptoms you described. You will be fine. You have a huge support group here. You may be mourning the fact that you are saying goodbye to all those unhealthy foods you love. This surgery is a process before and after.