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Can we pretend this is an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and it's my turn to stand up front and bare my soul?...especially since I never had the balls to set foot in a live meeting during my 35 years of having a BMI score higher than my IQ. There's donuts in the back...JOKE😁 It's been almost a year since my sleeve surgery and I couldn't be happier with the physical results. I was 60 years old, 5'4" and weighed close to 210 when I finally made an appointment with a bariatric surgeon. I'm now 61 and 134 pounds...I'm still 5'4" though. The past few days I've been in deep thought mode and was just hoping to use this forum to vent and hopefully get some feedback, positive or negative. Dining out: It's going to happen. It was probably part of your life pre-surgery, so it's naive of you to think it won't be a part of your life post-surgery. So maybe it's just me and my family (obese mother) and significant other (F, normal weight), but the minute the menu appears, I get a barrage of "Oh..they have plenty of appetizers and small portions you can order. Be careful, etc. Did you see the vegetable plate?" OK, so I know my significant other and my mom love me and are probably just concerned about my health and eating habits post-op, and if I'm being overly sensitive, just tell me and I'll shut up, but when they say things like that, it's not helping! If anything, something deep in my primordial starving "fat" brain wants to order the biggest thing on the menu and attempt to eat it. When it happened yesterday at lunch, I calmly and nicely asked both of them if they could refrain from offering me ordering advice, as I assured them, thinking about the ordering process and the actual eating of said meal in a healthy manner was the number one priority on my mind pretty much 24/7. They didn't seem to take it too well. Which leads me to my next thought... I might be stereotyping, but I'm willing to bet that a lot of us here were never/are not selfish people. I'm sure there are pages of psychological data written about the personality traits of the chronically obese and the myriad reasons we ended up as we did. My point is, after bariatric surgery, you might have to become a little selfish. You may need to put yourself first, sometimes to the detriment of others. Obviously, it helps if you can do this in a nice manner, but with certain people and situations in your life post-surgery, you might just have to be a selfish a*****e. If your new lifestyle (diet, whatever you want to call it), exercise regimen, food habits, etc don't quite mesh with those around you, too bad. This is your last chance at success and you need to make YOU the priority. I walk a lot now...and it takes a lot of time. Some of that is time I used to spend with other people...now it's not always like that. Some have mentioned it. I don't care. I always invite them to walk with me but I'm not going to not walk because they want to do something else or don't feel like walking. When I think about some of the healthiest people I have known in my life, they were/are quite selfish when it comes to exercise. One of my friends has been to the gym every morning from 5:30-7:30 for 35 years. He never misses. It's not an option. That's amazing to me because despite the genetics of obesity, there's no question that having some type of exercise regimen helps at some level. Did I ever have that level of commitment? Only to stopping at Whataburger several times a week. So as much as I read pre-surgery and even with the psychological profiling the doctor did, I never read much or heard anyone talk about some of the changes I needed to make mentally to make this work. It seems like most of the pre-surgery discussion is about how to eat before and after the surgery and most of the psychological discussion is about not letting one addiction (food) be supplanted by another (drugs, alcohol, etc). The crux of this dissertation, if you're still reading, is that there couldn't be more truth to the phrase bantered around here...."They operated on your stomach, not your brain". Prepare yourself for some mental challenges that being thinner does not make any easier. I must look a lot better because everyone tells me so...but I don't always feel better. Some of the same issues I've dealt with all my life, totally unrelated to weight, are still around. It's not that I expected them to disappear, but I think at some level, deep down, many of us think/thought, "Oh, if only I weren't so fat, I wouldn't have to deal with this problem [insert the problem/issue of your choosing]". Maybe I was just being naive or stupid, or both, but even being "thin" comes with plenty of challenges. I know these are "first world" problems and I'm not trying to sound like a complaining, spoiled brat. I just wanted to let off some steam here in the hopes that I'm not alone. Thanks for listening.

I had surgery on Monday October 2nd. I can't tell you how free I felt. I just felt satisfied and no need to eat. It was such a relief. Not thinking of what I could eat. I know what my selections are so I feel content. I had wonderful care in the hospital. I'm so glad I found this forum. I battle alone throughout my pre-op journey. So thank you everyone.

I would be shocked if you had to start the whole process over if it hasn't even been submitted to insurance yet. Even if it HAD been submitted to insurance, probably the worst that could happen would be a slight delay (although even that would surprise me...)

I always said...... "the surgery is the EASY part" ..... it's what comes after is the real test .

I was sleeved 14 years ago and then got a revision 4 months ago. With my sleeve, I would get the foamies (hyper-salivation), my forehead would sweat, or my nose would start running (or all 3). Now, with with my bypass, if I forget I had a surgery and try to eat like a regular person, I get nauseous, my stomach makes SUPER LOUD noises, I'll feel pain, and sometimes have to run to the bathroom (dumping syndrome). A lot of people think this happens when you eat the "wrong" foods (super sugary, super greasy), and they're right. BUT, it ALSO happens if you eat too much, or even just too fast. You could be eating a super healthy, super small amount of food, but if you eat it too fast and don't chew it down to mush (like people at work who have really short lunch breaks), you'll still experience these things. As time goes by, we start to forget to take our time to eat, to really chew our foods to a paste before swallowing, or to wait a while after eating to drink something. The longer it's been, the more we forget. Sometimes, we need to reset our eating habits back to taking a full 30 minutes to eat, to eat healthy foods again, to over-chew our food, and to wait at least 30 minutes to start back on fluids.

You make some really good points about needing to be a little selfish. I think of all the people in my life who need things a certain way, and how I go out of my way to accommodate. Oh, you go to bed really early, or you must eat dinner at 3pm, or you only like Italian food, or can't meet up at that time because you need to workout? Okay, I can be flexible! I'm turning 50 this coming year and it's only in the past few years I feel like I've started to learn to advocate for my own needs. And it's definitely a learning curve. It's so hard to remember that just because you could be flexible doesn't mean you always have to be. As for relatives and food, my strongest childhood memory is probably my very obese grandma, who seemingly passed down 100% of her genes to me (thanks, Grandma!), saying within the span of two breaths: "You know, you're going to be overweight like me and you have to be so careful with what you eat...want more Polish sausage?" I mean, bless her heart, she lived to 92 and was sharp and reasonably active until the last year or two, so if she passed that gene along to me, I'll take it. But you can't tell a person one minute that they have to eat healthy and the next minute present them with an entire family-size Tupperware filled with grapes as a snack because "grapes are healthy." Which I would eat all of even if I didn't want them so as not to hurt her feelings. Meanwhile, my mom was rail thin and always going on some sort of "eat grapefruit for a week and melt the fat off" women's magazine fad diet my whole childhood. Yikes. Family can do a number on you. And you're right, all that stuff will still be there to deal with emotionally even after the surgery...

I started at a lower weight than you & I reached goal at 6 months. I kept losing for another 11months or so (albeit very slowly). I wasn’t trying to lose more & in fact I was eating more & more. The lower weight was where my body wanted to be - my new set point which is the weight my body is happiest at. Your set point is the weight your body will gravitate back to & is easier to maintain. It is reset through the surgery but it may not be reset to a weight we want. We used to have much higher set points which is why many of us used to lose & then regain it back or struggled to lose at all. You mentioned you are eating fewer calories in an attempt to lose more. Remember you will have to continue to eat fewer calories & be more active to maintain a lower weight. This is not always sustainable & can impact you long term (including slowing your metabolism). Have you spoken with your team - surgeon, dietician? They should be able to advise you on how to best get closer to your ultimate goal.

I agree with Rick. Should be fine unless you have complications.

I can’t recall when it started either. I’m pretty sure I just felt my usual feeling more cold than everyone else response through the first winter which was when I had my surgery. While some say it passes or improves over time, I still suffer from it 4 yrs out. I just dress accordingly & am prepared just in case. The alternative benefit is you don’t feel the heat as much.

Aah the how often to weigh debate. The responses seem to swing from very rarely/never to daily. I weighed every day for the first two years or so but now weigh 3 or 4 times a week. In the past if I thought I was putting on weight I wouldn’t go near the scales. If I didn’t see the number on the scales I could believe I wasn’t putting on weight even if my pants were very tight or bought the next size. So me weighing as I do now is about what I need to do to keep myself honest. I say you know you best & weigh yourself as you need to keep yourself motivated & on track. Has my hunger returned, yes. It did so slowly. Has it increased since it fully returned, no. There are still odd days or times I’m not all that hungry at all. (Wish that happened more often 😁.) I try to eat very much to a routine & not eat outside of that. If I think I’m hungry I consider if it’s real hunger or head hunger. Such as when did I last eat? Did I eat a smaller portion at my last meal? Is it almost time for a meal? How am I feeling - bored, sad, annoyed, stressed, etc. It can be an ‘interesting’ discussion I’m having with myself. 😁 This helps most of the time. I’m sorry about your injury @huskymama especially after achieving so much. But you didn’t have to go back to shakes to lose your weight just go back to how & what you were eating before your injury though smaller portions as you can’t be as active at the moment. Meet your fluids & protein goals. Eat your protein first then vegetables & last any carbs you’re allowed if you are able. Return to lower fats, carbs & sugar. Check with your dietician for ideas & guidance. Focus on upper body exercises because of your injury. Search for some exercises for those with limited mobility online. You can do this.