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I am at peace What can I say… I have accepted the fact that of me doing this pre op diet. Today is 4 day and I am at peace. I have lost 3 pounds and is ready to lose some more. I am more mentally prepared than ever and I just want to have my surgery and move on. I AM THE POINT OF NO RETURN! J I am looking forward to my ups and downs of being banded. So I wrote down my unofficial Top 10 things I look forward to being banded and I would like to share with everyone. 10. Crossing my legs 9. Finding an athletic hobby 8. Asking for a go box 7. Walking a 5K 6. Getting back into the dating scene 5. Cutting my grocery budget in half 4. Shopping for new clothes 3. Outlasting the day care kids at my second job 2. Reintroducing myself. 1. Standing in the mirror and telling myself….. DAMN I LOOK GOOD. Not bad right? My momentum is still going and I am feeling good. Thanks you for reading.

Taking the first step of a journey is both exciting and frightening. Add in the thought of surgery and it takes it to an omg level. But I am that desperate. I have tried just about everything – Weight Watchers more times that I can count, starting when I was just 25. Diet Center. Remember them? Pretty sure Diet Center single-handedly wrecked my metabolism. Appetite suppressants. Alli. Full bars. Slim Fast. Atkins. Every ‘fad’ out there. I did have that brief Golden Age (around 30) when I worked at a fitness center and worked out constantly and could actually keep my weight under control. As long as I ate barely nothing that is. I have been ‘chubby’ for years, but the pounds really packed on when I quit smoking 6 years ago. And I have never been able to get/keep them off. I think I’ve gained an average of 15lbs/year. Ouch. I weighed 105 when I graduated from high school, and 120 when I was 20, and around 125-130 right before I got pregnant with my first baby. I did gain 50 pounds with that pregnancy but was able to get it off by her first birthday. I never really had a problem losing weight after having my children, but I was breastfeeding and super busy and who has time to eat? Unfortunately at 52 that’s not an option now! But don’t think I haven’t considered it. Joking! (Kind of). Anyway, I need to do something. My husband would die if he knew how much I weigh. Pretty sure it’s more than he does, and he’s a foot taller. I have a brand new grandson on the way, and I would like to be able to get on the floor and play with him, AND be able to get back up. I would really like to go off my blood pressure medication, and the Rx I take for the arthritis in my knee. I have so many wonderful things going on in my life right now, and being overweight is like the ultimate buzz kill. I do a LOT of hard physical labor in the summer months, and the thought of having to start that up soon really depresses me. I can barely rake the yard much less do anything strenuous. I get out of breath just going up and down the stairs. It’s time for a change.

Excellent list! With your attitude...you will cross some of these things off your list in no time.

Congratulations on making the decision to take the bull by the horns. I can relate to all of your emotions. I was "all over the place" leading up to my surgery last week. I kept reminding myself of the actual statistics and the probable outcome. It helped me create a realistic view, not one based on fear. You'll do great, too. My message to my future self is: I promise to take care of you and never forget where you came from. I won't let you suffer under that weight, again. Good luck on your journey.

Enjoyed the chuckle this AM. Thanks for sharing your humor about this topic.

Thanks, but I don't have a lot to write about. It's hard for me to make up funny stuff, but if it really happens to me, I can write about it and try to put a funny twist on it.

26 pounds since April 18 2013? That's freaking awesome!

How long has it been? How long since I felt like I was the right size and weight and everything about my body was acceptable? And, bigger question... Where did this bloated, waddling, unhealthy, wide loaded woman come from that keeps showing up in my mirror and in pictures that get taken with my family? Looking in the mirror is so hard, especially in the evenings when I'm getting ready for bed and seeing "all my glory" and realizing I really am as big and ugly fat and tired looking as I feel. Arrrrggghhh! Is that really me? How did I let myself get to this point? I sit in a dressing room, my cute little teenage daughter (13) trying on adorable trendy little outfits and dresses. I see her spin and pose as she gets in a pink princess thing. She walks back in to try another one on. I'm sitting on a bench holding several hangers of other dresses and feeling tired, again. I look over at the mirror and see myself and I lose it. I cry and almost start sobbing right then and there. It hurts so bad. I used to look like her and I thought I was fat. Is that what doomed me to this? Was it because I didn't thank God for how I looked then? Did I take it for granted? Honestly, I have thought I was fat from eighth grade (5'7", 130 lbs) when I began to get taller and a little wider in the hips than my little petite and pretty and girly classmates. That's the same age as my youngest daughter. I already hear occasional little comments she makes of herself and things that are not just perfect. I want to make her see how beautiful she is and embrace it! When I look back at pictures from that time in my life (high school years), I wanna go back and slap her (myself) silly for not appreciating how pretty I was. I really had such an adorable figure. No, I didn't have much in the way of boobs, but I had curves in other "right places." I got attention from boys. I looked great and was tall and thin really, until I had my second child at 22. In all truth, I know a lot of the explanations and reasons that I am in this place physically. I know there are a variety of things to blame from four pregnancies, perhaps a few medical causes, nutritionally bad choices, laziness, pain, bad marriage, stress, genetics, environment, and probably a few I haven't read about or dealt with yet. Now in the last three years I come to the point where I have these little break downs like in the dressing rooms multiple times, or getting ready for a night out or to go to church and just sit in my closet and cry and hate myself. I've done it getting out of bed (rather, heaving myself out). Mentally being in a state of fury at my limitations that I know are self-imposed when I try to help my daughter move out of her college apartment and I can't even carry a 15 pound box down a flight of stairs without having to rest 10 minutes and huff and puff like I ran a mile. This place is my "low point"... my "end of the rope". I'm at the bottom and exhausted enough to finally admit I need MAJOR HELP. And THAT is what brought me to WLS and specifically VSG. There is a change in my focus that has helped me transition slowly, day by day from disgust with where I let my weight go and my new found hope and belief in myself I have begun to feed little by little with that hope. I can do this... I can do this... I really can be healthy and fit again. There is a tool I can use that I never really considered. Thanks to where I am in my life, the fact that we have good insurance through my husband's job and the support and encouragement he has showered on me constantly... I'm ready. I'm feeling that by this time next year, I'll be looking in mirrors and pictures and saying "WOW, I knew that pretty girl was still in there somewhere under all the fat."

Thanks for sharing....I too can relate. Thank you for putting it in words. By this time next year you will be heading in the right direction to connect with person you want to be.